TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on public policy. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1.子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数

• 27

3.任务完成度 这篇文章在回应问题和讨论方面做得很好，但是在阐述观点和提供具体例子方面还有待加强。建议在解释你的观点时提供更多细节和例子，以使你的论据更有说服力。

示例1：为了支持租赁住房的观点，可以提供关于台北政府如何通过租赁政策成功解决住房问题的具体数据或案例。 示例2：可以详细说明为什么单纯建造房屋而不降低价格不能解决问题，并给出实际情况中的例子。

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构基本清晰，但在段落划分和过渡方面还有改进空间。建议明确每个段落的主题，并使用恰当的过渡词汇使文章更连贯。

示例1：在第二段开始时，可以使用“首先”或“一方面”来引入你支持Claire观点的原因。 示例2：在谈到Paul观点时，可以使用“然而”或“另一方面”来引入对其观点的讨论，使文章更具逻辑性。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, Claire's argument about contructingconstructing(misspelling) large buildings is rather persuasive. Furthermore, I believe that renting houses will also be a beneficial way to deal with the problem, For example, in Taipei, the houses' price are surging recently because of rapid development. Some people, especially young generation, struggle to afford the price of houses. Therefore, two years ago, Taipei government started to address the problem by contructingconstructing(misspelling) the building for renting. Since the rental price is far more affordable for young people, they were willing to rent the houses there. On the other hand, in terms of Paul's opinion. ifIf(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) the governmantgovernment(misspelling) just build the house without considering lowering the price, the problem will still be unsolved. Overall, by utlizingutilizing(misspelling) the rental method, the housing problem will be settled easily.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, Claire's argument regarding the construction of large buildings with affordable apartments is quite persuasive. Moreover, I believe that implementing rental housing programs can also effectively address the housing shortage issue. For instance, in Taipei, housing prices have surged recently due to rapid development, making it difficult for the younger generation to afford them. Consequently, two years ago, the Taipei government initiated a project to construct rental buildings. Since the rental prices are significantly more affordable for young people, they are more inclined to rent these properties.

On the other hand, Paul's suggestion of building houses without considering price reduction may not resolve the problem entirely. Instead, by utilizing rental programs and offering subsidies or tax relief to construction companies for building affordable housing options in urban areas, governments can successfully tackle this pressing issue.

Overall, a combination of constructing large apartment buildings and promoting rental housing programs can provide a comprehensive solution to the housing shortage problem in many countries. (164 words)

7.文章批改

In my opinion, Claire's argument about contructing regarding the construction of large buildings with affordable apartments is rather persuasive. Furthermore, quite persuasive (changed "rather persuasive" to "quite persuasive" for a more formal tone). Moreover, I believe that renting implementing rental housing programs can also effectively address the housing shortage issue (rephrased "renting houses will also be a beneficial way to deal with the problem, problem" for clarity and conciseness). For example, instance, in Taipei, the houses' price are surging housing prices have surged recently because of due to rapid development. Some people, especially young generation, struggle development, making it difficult for the younger generation to afford the price of houses. Therefore, them (revised sentence structure for better flow). Consequently, two years ago, the Taipei government started initiated a project to construct rental buildings (rephrased "started to address the problem by contructing the building for renting. renting" for clarity and accuracy). Since the rental price is far prices are significantly more affordable for young people, they were willing are more inclined to rent the houses there. these properties (revised sentence structure and vocabulary for better flow and formality).

On the other hand, in terms Paul's suggestion of Paul's opinion. if building houses without considering price reduction may not resolve the problem entirely (rephrased "if the governmant just build the house without considering lowering the price, the problem will still be unsolved. unsolved" for clarity and conciseness). Instead, by utilizing rental programs and offering subsidies or tax relief to construction companies for building affordable housing options in urban areas (added details about subsidies or tax relief), governments can successfully tackle this pressing issue.

Overall, by a combination of constructing large apartment buildings and promoting rental housing programs can provide a comprehensive solution to the housing shortage problem in many countries (rephrased "by utlizing the rental method, the housing problem will be settled easily.easily" for a stronger conclusion).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Claire's argument
  • Rental housing programs

• Taipei example

  • Housing prices surge
  • Government initiative
  • Rental buildings
  • Affordability for young people

• Paul's suggestion critique

  • Building houses without price reduction
  • Ineffectiveness in solving the problem

• Proposed solution

  • Utilizing rental programs
  • Subsidies or tax relief for construction companies

9.关键词

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 27

3.任务完成度

这篇文章在回应问题方面做得很好，但还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，尽管你提到了住在公寓附近的社交和娱乐设施，但你可以更具体地说明这些设施如何满足人们的精神需求。此外，你可以详细讨论为什么建造单户住宅不符合人们的情感需求。

改进示例1（英文）: Instead of just mentioning the nearby centers for socializing and entertainment, you could explain how these facilities help people connect with others, engage in cultural activities, and improve their overall well-being.

改进示例2（英文）: You could discuss the potential drawbacks of living in single-family houses, such as isolation from neighbors or limited access to public amenities, which might not cater to people's emotional needs as effectively as living in apartments.

4.文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，但可以在段落划分和过渡句方面做得更好。例如，在讨论公寓优势时，可以将精神需求和社交设施放在同一个段落中。同时，在从公寓优势转向单户住宅缺点时，可以使用过渡句使文章更连贯。

改进示例1（英文）: Combine the discussion of spiritual needs and social facilities in one paragraph, which will make your argument more focused and coherent.

改进示例2（英文）: When transitioning from the advantages of apartments to the drawbacks of single-family houses, use a transition sentence like "On the other hand, living in single-family houses might not provide the same benefits in terms of emotional needs."

5. 语法批改

I concur with Claire’s suggestion that the government should encourage the construction of large buildings with many apartments in cities. Apart from the benefits Claire mentionsmentions,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) such as sparing people the daily commute and contributing to an array of affordable apartments, it also satisfies people’s increasing mental needs. With the rapid development of society, more people do not only focus on physical needs, but on spiritual needs like interactions with people and appreciation for art. If the apartments are built, there will surely be a myriad of centers near the buildings for people to socialize and entertainment, serving as a refugee for people to relax and unwind. Imagine that after a long day’s hard work, you could simply walk home instead of taking the overcrowded subway, feeling the wind bruising against your face on the way. What’s more, after dinner, you could go to the nearby center, chatting with someone you did not know before and listening to their unique experience. Pretty amazing. Indeed, Paul’s idea of building single-family houses is practical as well. However, he does not take people’s emotional needs into consideration. In summary, the construction of large buildings with many apartments would be a solution.

6.文章修订

I agree with Claire's proposal that the government should promote the construction of large buildings containing numerous affordable apartments in urban areas. In addition to alleviating long commutes and providing a range of affordable housing options, this approach also addresses people's growing psychological needs. As society progresses, individuals increasingly seek not only to fulfill their basic necessities but also to engage in social interactions and appreciate cultural experiences.

Constructing apartment buildings in cities would inevitably lead to the establishment of various nearby centers for socializing and entertainment, offering residents a refuge for relaxation and leisure. For instance, after a demanding day at work, one could simply stroll home instead of enduring a crowded subway ride, enjoying the refreshing breeze along the way. Moreover, residents could visit nearby centers after dinner to converse with new acquaintances and learn about their unique experiences.

While Paul's suggestion of building single-family houses is also practical, it fails to consider people's emotional needs adequately. Living in houses may result in isolation from neighbors or limited access to public amenities compared to residing in apartments. Therefore, constructing large buildings with numerous affordable apartments would be a more comprehensive solution for addressing housing shortages and catering to diverse needs. (203 words)

7.文章批改

I concur agree with Claire’s suggestion Claire's proposal (revised for clarity and formality) that the government should encourage promote the construction of large buildings with many containing numerous affordable apartments in cities. Apart from the benefits Claire mentions such as sparing people the daily commute and contributing to an array urban areas (revised for precision and coherence). In addition to alleviating long commutes and providing a range of affordable apartments, it housing options, this approach also satisfies people’s increasing mental needs. With the rapid development of society, more people do addresses people's growing psychological needs (revised for accuracy and coherence). As society progresses, individuals increasingly seek not only focus on physical needs, to fulfill their basic necessities but on spiritual needs like also to engage in social interactions with people and appreciation for art. If the apartments are built, there will surely be a myriad of and appreciate cultural experiences (revised for clarity and formality).

Constructing apartment buildings in cities would inevitably lead to the establishment of various nearby centers near the buildings for people to socialize for socializing and entertainment, serving as a refugee for people to relax and unwind. Imagine that offering residents a refuge for relaxation and leisure (revised for coherence and clarity). For instance, after a long day’s hard demanding day at work, you one could simply walk stroll home instead of taking the overcrowded subway, feeling the wind bruising against your face on the way. What’s more, enduring a crowded subway ride, enjoying the refreshing breeze along the way (revised for clarity and smoothness). Moreover, residents could visit nearby centers after dinner, you could go to the nearby center, chatting dinner to converse with someone you did not know before and listening to new acquaintances and learn about their unique experience. Pretty amazing. Indeed, Paul’s idea experiences (revised for coherence).

While Paul's suggestion of building single-family houses is practical as well. However, he does not take people’s also practical, it fails to consider people's emotional needs into consideration. In summary, the construction of adequately (revised for clarity). Living in houses may result in isolation from neighbors or limited access to public amenities compared to residing in apartments (revised for accuracy). Therefore, constructing large buildings with many numerous affordable apartments would be a solution.more comprehensive solution for addressing housing shortages and catering to diverse needs (revised for clarity and coherence).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Agreement with Claire's proposal

• Benefits of constructing apartments in cities

  • Alleviating long commutes
  • Providing affordable housing options
  • Addressing psychological needs
    • Social interactions
    • Cultural experiences

• Advantages of nearby centers for socializing and entertainment

  • Relaxation and leisure opportunities
  • Meeting new acquaintances and sharing experiences

• Comparison with Paul's suggestion of single-family houses

  • Inadequate consideration of emotional needs
  • Potential isolation and limited access to public amenities

9.关键词