TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0 Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2.预估分数

20. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题时基本上是相关的，但需要更多细节和例子来支持观点。此外，语法和词汇方面也有一些错误。为了提高文章质量，建议：

1. 使用更具体的例子来支持观点。
2. 注意语法和词汇的准确性。

示例1（改进前）：In fact, with the technology development, working will be more sufficient in future by using more sophisticate facilities. 示例1（改进后）：In fact, with the advancement of technology, work efficiency will improve in the future due to the use of more sophisticated tools and equipment.

示例2（改进前）：So whatever the technology development, the human working load will be influenced by the word situation. 示例2（改进后）：Therefore, regardless of technological advancements, human workload will be influenced by global economic conditions.

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构方面需要改进。虽然有简介、主体和结论，但段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。建议：

1. 在段落之间使用过渡词或短语。
2. 确保每个段落都集中讨论一个具体的观点，并提供支持细节。

示例1（改进前）：However, the technology is not only the factor which will influence the working development, but economist should also considering the the whole world situation. 示例1（改进后）：However, technology is not the only factor that will influence work development. Economists should also consider global economic conditions. For instance, ...

示例2（改进前）：In short, economist hardly decides the judgment by the single reason, the comprehensive question should be considered all around. 示例2（改进后）：In conclusion, economists cannot make a decision based on a single factor. They must take into account various aspects of a complex issue when evaluating future work and leisure trends.

5. 语法批改

Ensuing people's life is a crucial concern for economist, as if the technology advanced, people will work more efficient. In fact, with the technology development, working will be more sufficient in future by using more sophisticate facilities. So an enormous amount of individual time can be saved, people can pay more attention to their interested. However, the technology is not only the factor which will influence the working development, but economist should also consideringconsider(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) the thethe(Word repetition (e.g. 'will will')) whole world situation. Based on the economy theory, the development country employees can work less time, causing by they can purchase the basic object or raw material in cheap price from the weakness country. So whatever the technology development, the human working load will be influenced by the word situation. In short, economist hardly decides the judgment by the single reason, the comprehensive question should be considered all around.

6.文章修订

Assessing people's quality of life is a crucial concern for economists, as advancements in technology have the potential to increase work efficiency. In fact, with technological development, work processes will become more efficient in the future by utilizing more sophisticated tools and equipment. As a result, individuals can save a significant amount of time and focus on their interests.

However, technology is not the only factor that will influence work development. Economists should also consider global economic conditions. For instance, employees in developed countries may work fewer hours due to their ability to purchase basic goods or raw materials at lower prices from less developed countries. Therefore, regardless of technological advancements, human workload will be influenced by global economic situations.

In summary, economists cannot make decisions based solely on one factor when evaluating future work and leisure trends. A comprehensive analysis of various aspects is necessary to provide an accurate prediction of how people's work-life balance may change in the coming years. (163 words)

Ensuing 7.文章批改

Assessing people's quality of life is a crucial concern for economist, economists (revised for clarity and formality), as if the advancements in technology advanced, people will work more efficient. have the potential to increase work efficiency. In fact, with the technology technological development, working work processes will be become more sufficient in efficient in the future by using utilizing more sophisticate facilities. So an enormous sophisticated tools and equipment (revised for vocabulary and clarity). As a result, individuals can save a significant amount of individual time can be saved, people can pay more attention to and focus on their interested. interests (revised for coherence).

However, the technology is not the only the factor which that will influence the working development, but economist work development (revised for clarity). Economists should also considering the the whole world situation. Based on the economy theory, the development country consider global economic conditions (revised for conciseness). For instance, employees can work less time, causing by they can in developed countries may work fewer hours due to their ability to purchase the basic object goods or raw material in cheap price materials at lower prices from the weakness country. So whatever the technology development, the less developed countries (revised for grammar and clarity). Therefore, regardless of technological advancements, human working load workload will be influenced by the word situation. global economic situations (revised for vocabulary).

In short, economist hardly decides the judgment by the single reason, the summary, economists cannot make decisions based solely on one factor when evaluating future work and leisure trends (revised for clarity). A comprehensive question should be considered all around.analysis of various aspects is necessary to provide an accurate prediction of how people's work-life balance may change in the coming years (revised for coherence and grammar).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Quality of life
  • Economists
  • Technology advancements

• Body

  • Work efficiency
    • Sophisticated tools and equipment
    • Time-saving and focus on interests
  • Global economic conditions
    • Developed countries vs. less developed countries
    • Influence on human workload

• Conclusion

  • Comprehensive analysis needed
  • Accurate prediction of work-life balance

9.关键词