TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor's question.
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Professor
Our current unit looks at tourism and the benefit it has on a country's economy. Many argue that while tourism can indeed be a money-making endeavor, it can do more harm than good, especially tourism to small, remote places that are not heavily populated. What is your opinion? Should local or national governments promote tourism to remote regions not typically visited by tourists before? Why?
Student A
I don't think governments should promote tourism to remote regions. The people are likely not asking for this kind of industry or for this kind of attention. Instead, governments should develop other means of improving a region's economic situation, like expanding agriculture or other industries. These efforts will have a stronger, more permanent impact on the region than bringing in groups of
Student B
Tourism has always been a lucrative business. Improving the economies of these rural regions, especially if those regions are poor, can only have a positive effect. People can have a better quality of life by showcasing their food and traditions to the outside world. It's a chance the people might not get without promotion from the government.
用户样本与评估结果
用户样本
While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, she overlooks a critical view of this issue. From my perspective, there is an increasing emphasis on the need to enhance the cultural and economic level of those remote areas by implementing various effective strategies, which are not only conducive to the overall well-being but also lift the productivity all of social members. Secondly, by engaging in this policy, national or local government could balance the wealth-poor level, leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue, alleviating the financial pressure caused by the depression economic.
评估结果
1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
25. 3 任务完成度
虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题，并提出了自己的观点，但在论证方面还有待加强。建议你可以更具体地举例说明观点，以增强说服力。此外，语言表达方面也有一些不够准确和流畅的地方，需要注意修改。
示例1： Instead of "leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue," you can write "leading to a more vibrant society and generating additional revenue."
示例2： Instead of "which are not only conducive to the overall well-being but also lift the productivity all of social members," you can write "which not only contribute to the overall well-being but also increase the productivity of all members of society."
4. 文章结构与组织
你的文章结构基本清晰，但可以进一步优化。建议在开头部分明确指出自己的观点，并在正文部分逐一阐述论据。此外，在段落之间加入过渡词或短语，使文章更连贯。
示例1： You can start your essay with a clear statement of your opinion, such as "In my opinion, promoting tourism in remote regions can bring significant benefits to these areas both culturally and economically."
示例2： To improve transitions between paragraphs, you can use phrases like "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through your argument.
5. 语法批改
While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, she overlooks a critical view of this issue. From my perspective, there is an increasing emphasis on the need to enhance the cultural and economic level of those remote areas by implementing various effective strategies, which are not only conducive to the overall well-being but also lift the productivity all of social members. Secondly, by engaging in this policy, national or local government could balance the wealth-poor level, leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue, alleviating the financial pressure caused by the depression economic.
Title: 6 文章修订
While Claire raises a valid concern regarding the promotion of tourism in remote regions, she seems to overlook the potential benefits it can bring. In my opinion, promoting tourism in these areas can contribute significantly to their cultural and economic development. By implementing effective strategies, we can not only improve the overall well-being of these communities but also increase their productivity.
Furthermore, government involvement in promoting tourism can help bridge the wealth gap between urban and rural areas. This leads to a more vibrant and inclusive society while generating additional revenue for local governments. Such income can alleviate financial pressures caused by economic downturns or other challenges faced by these regions.
In conclusion, although there are potential drawbacks to promoting tourism in remote areas, I believe that the benefits outweigh the risks. With proper planning and management, tourism can serve as a powerful tool for fostering cultural exchange and economic growth in underdeveloped regions. (157 words)
Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改
While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, visited (revised for clarity), she overlooks a critical view of this issue.
From my perspective, there is an increasing emphasis on the need to enhance the cultural and economic level of those remote areas by implementing various effective strategies, which are not only conducive to the overall well-being (revised for smoother flow) but also lift the productivity all of social members. members (revised for grammatical correctness).
Secondly, by engaging in this policy, national or local government could balance the wealth-poor level, level (revised for clarity), leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue, alleviating the financial pressure caused by the depression economic.economic (revised for grammatical correctness).
8 思维导图
1. Introduction
- Claire's concern
- Potential benefits of tourism
2. Cultural and economic development
- Improve well-being
- Increase productivity
3. Government involvement
- Bridge wealth gap
- Generate revenue for local governments
4. Alleviate financial pressures
- Economic downturns
- Regional challenges
5. Conclusion
- Benefits outweigh risks
- Proper planning and management
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English definition | Simplified Chinese translation | Sample sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| promotion | /prəˈmoʊʃən/ | noun | The act of encouraging something to happen or develop. | 促进 | Promoting tourism in remote areas can contribute to their cultural development. |
| well-being | /ˈwelˈbiɪŋ/ | noun | The state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy. | 幸福感 | Tourism can improve the overall well-being of these communities. |
| productivity | /prəˌdʌkˈtɪvəti/ | noun | The effectiveness of productive effort, especially in industry. | 生产力 | Tourism can increase the productivity of these areas. |
| wealth gap | /welθ gæp/ | noun | The difference in financial resources between groups. | 贫富差距 | Government involvement can help bridge the wealth gap between urban and rural areas. |
| vibrant | /ˈvaɪbrənt/ | adjective | _Full_of_energy_and_life. | 充满活力的 | This leads to a more vibrant and inclusive society. |
| revenue | /ˈrevən(j)u/ | noun | Income, especially when of an organization and of a substantial nature. | 收入 | Tourism generates additional revenue for local governments. |
| alleviate | /əˈliːvieɪt/ | verb | _To_make_something_less_severe. | 减轻 | Such income can alleviate financial pressures caused by economic downturns. |
| drawback | /ˈdrɔːbæk/ | noun | _A_feature_that_renders_something_less_acceptable; a disadvantage or problem. | 缺点 | There are potential drawbacks to promoting tourism in remote areas. |
| outweigh | /aʊtˈweɪ/ | verb | _To_be_greater_or_more_significant_than. | 超过 | I believe that the benefits outweigh the risks. |
| foster | /ˈfɔstər/ | verb | To_encourage_the_development_of_something(especially_something_desirable)._ | 培养 | Tourism_can_foster_cultural_exchange_and_economic_growth_in_underdeveloped_regions. |
学术讨论评分标准
托福学术讨论任务基于ETS官方评分标准进行评估。AI评估系统从多个维度分析每个回答。
相关性与贡献
回答是否针对问题并为讨论做出有意义的贡献？
语言运用
语法准确性、词汇丰富度和句式结构质量。
论述与支撑
观点是否充分展开，是否有具体例子和清晰推理支撑？
回答中的常见模式
基于对该题目用户提交内容的分析，以下是在学生回答中观察到的常见模式。
很多学生能清楚表达观点，但缺乏具体的论据支撑。
高分回答会直接引用阅读段落和其他发言者的观点。
更高分的回答使用多样化的句式结构和学术词汇。
时间管理是关键因素——匆忙完成的回答在论述发展方面得分较低。
学习建议
在开始写作前仔细阅读题目，理清问题的所有组成部分。
在回答中引用阅读段落和其他同学的观点。
使用具体例子来支持你的主要论点——避免笼统的表述。
目标字数120-150词。更长的回答不一定更好；清晰度和针对性更重要。
进行限时练习（10分钟），在考试条件下提升写作流畅度。
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