TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on tourism. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并且提出了一个明确的观点。然而，你可以进一步改进以下方面：

1. 更详细地说明为什么提高城市景观比增加警力更有效。

2. 使用更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

改进示例：

1. "Improving the city's appearance can not only attract tourists but also benefit the local residents, creating a more pleasant living environment for everyone."

2. "Investing in the city's appearance can have long-lasting effects, as it can lead to increased tourism revenue that can be used for further improvements and maintenance."

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在引言中简要概述你将在正文中讨论的主要观点。

2. 在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语。

改进示例：

1. 引言： "In response to the professor's question, I believe that improving the appearance of a city is a more effective strategy for attracting tourists than hiring more police officers."

2. 过渡词： "Furthermore, it is important to consider the unique characteristics of each city when developing tourism strategies."

5. 语法批改

From my prospective, improving the appearance of the city will be much more effective and acceptable than hiring more police. Firstly, as Amy has mentioned, people are always preoccupied with various daily works and studies, which indicates that the most attractive element for tourists will be the beautiful scenery and relaxing atmosphere. In this case, promoting a better scenery can help attract more viewers, thus boosting the government revenue to acheiveachieve(misspelling) more improvement. Also, there have already been many tour cities around the world. In that case, the government should prioritize a special city symbol over any other strategies. To be more specific, my hometown, Nanjing city in China, leverages its advantages about the historical relics as well as the spring water to as aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') entirely different brand of my city. Compared to the beautiful but common scenery, the special and proper symbols of my hometown help develop tourism better.

Section Title: Enhancing City Appeal for Tourism

In my perspective, focusing on enhancing the city's appearance is a more effective and appealing approach to attract tourists than increasing police presence. Firstly, as Amy mentioned, individuals are often preoccupied with their daily work and studies, making the allure of beautiful scenery and a relaxing atmosphere particularly enticing for potential tourists. By promoting picturesque landscapes and serene environments, the government can attract more visitors, subsequently boosting revenue that can be allocated towards further improvements.

Moreover, with numerous tourist destinations worldwide, it is crucial for governments to prioritize the development of unique city symbols that set them apart from other locations. For instance, my hometown of Nanjing in China capitalizes on its historical relics and natural spring waters to create a distinct brand identity for the city. This differentiates Nanjing from other cities with beautiful but common scenery and helps bolster tourism more effectively.

Lastly, it is essential to consider that investing in city improvements is generally a one-time expenditure with tangible results. As Benjamin pointed out, hiring additional police officers requires significant manpower and time while yielding inconsistent outcomes. On the other hand, enhancing a city's appearance offers more immediate and noticeable benefits in attracting tourists. Therefore, focusing on improving the visual appeal of a city should be prioritized over increasing law enforcement presence when aiming to boost tourism. (227 words)

From Section Title: Enhancing City Appeal for Tourism

In my prospective, improving the perspective (prospective -> perspective, as "perspective" refers to a point of view or opinion), focusing on enhancing the city's appearance of the city will be much is a more effective and acceptable appealing approach to attract tourists than hiring more police. ¶ increasing police presence. Firstly, as Amy has mentioned, people individuals are always often preoccupied with various their daily works work and studies, which indicates that the most attractive element for tourists will be the making the allure of beautiful scenery and a relaxing atmosphere. In this case, atmosphere particularly enticing for potential tourists. By promoting a better scenery picturesque landscapes and serene environments, the government can help attract more viewers, thus visitors, subsequently boosting the government revenue to acheive more improvement. that can be allocated towards further improvements.

Also, there have already been many tour cities around the world. In Moreover, with numerous tourist destinations worldwide, it is crucial for governments to prioritize the development of unique city symbols that case, the government should prioritize a special city symbol over any set them apart from other strategies. To be more specific, locations. For instance, my hometown, hometown of Nanjing city in China, leverages China capitalizes on its advantages about the historical relics as well as the and natural spring water to as a entirely different waters to create a distinct brand of my identity for the city. Compared to the This differentiates Nanjing from other cities with beautiful but common scenery (viewers -> scenery, the special and proper symbols of my hometown help develop as "scenery" is more appropriate when discussing tourism) and helps bolster tourism better.more effectively.

Lastly, it is essential to consider that investing in city improvements is generally a one-time expenditure with tangible results. As Benjamin pointed out, hiring additional police officers requires significant manpower and time while yielding inconsistent outcomes. On the other hand, enhancing a city's appearance offers more immediate and noticeable benefits in attracting tourists. Therefore, focusing on improving the visual appeal of a city should be prioritized over increasing law enforcement presence when aiming to boost tourism (acheive -> boost tourism; rephrased for clarity).

8 思维导图

- Enhancing City Appeal for Tourism
  - Allure of beautiful scenery and relaxing atmosphere
    - Attract more visitors
    - Boost revenue for further improvements
  - Development of unique city symbols
    - Differentiate from other locations
    - Bolster tourism effectively
  - One-time expenditure with tangible results
    - Immediate and noticeable benefits
    - Prioritize over increasing law enforcement presence

9 关键词