TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on society. Write a post responding to the professor's question. ln your response you should: express and support your personal opinion; make a contribution to the discussion. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

整体而言，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并提供了一定程度的论据支持。但是，有一些方面需要改进。首先，在表达观点时，需要更清晰地阐述自己的立场。其次，举例子时要确保与论点相关，并能有效支持观点。最后，在语法和词汇使用方面也有待提高。

改进建议：

1. 在表达观点时，更清晰地阐述自己的立场。

2. 使用更相关、具体的例子来支持观点。

3. 注意语法和词汇使用。

示例：

1. "While I see Jisu's point that athletes' high incomes are partly reasonable, I agree more with Laura's perspective that athletes deserve their high earnings."

2. "For example, a famous basketball player like LeBron James not only brings in revenue for his team through ticket sales and merchandise but also inspires millions of fans around the world."

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落组织和过渡方面还有待加强。建议在每个段落中明确主题句，并使用恰当的过渡词汇连接不同的观点和段落。

改进建议：

1. 在每个段落开头明确主题句。

2. 使用过渡词汇连接不同的观点和段落。

示例：

1. "Firstly, famous athletes have a significant economic impact on society."

2. "In addition to Jisu's argument, I believe that the high costs associated with athletes' training and daily expenses justify their high salaries."

5. 语法批改

While I see the Jisu’s point that athletes earns a high-incomes is partly reasonable, I agree with Laura’s perspective that athletes deserve their high earning. As mentioned by Laura, famous athletes isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") very popular in the world so, so(comma between independent clauses) they have a huge economic effect. For example, Zhangjike，famous[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) ping-pong athletes, has achieved several international ping-pong contests, when he postposts(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) his favorite sports equipment, like shoes or clothes, in the interneton the internet(Collocation: in/on the Internet). His fans will fill the brand store to buy similar products which can bring the company a large amount of money; however, if athletes reject to help promotingto promote('advise', 'help' and 'remind' used with gerund instead of infinitive) some tiny sports company which will disappear (Two consecutive spaces)in the market. Apart from what mentioned by Jesus, I add that with huge costs used for their daily life’s expense, athletes derisive this high salary jobs. For instance, cultivating a excellent athletesa excellent athlete(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) have cost roughly millions RMB which means it is heavy finical burden for their families; conversely, if athletes can not earn high salary, they might discontinue to achieve their dreams. Therefor, high salary, undoubtedly, should be assigned for athletes.

Title: 6 文章修订

While I understand Jisu's argument that athletes' high incomes are partly justified, I concur with Laura's view that professional athletes deserve their substantial earnings. As Laura pointed out, renowned athletes have a significant global impact and can generate considerable economic benefits. For instance, Zhang Jike, a famous table tennis player who has won numerous international competitions, can influence his fans' purchasing decisions by promoting his favorite sports equipment online. This can lead to increased sales for the companies involved; however, if athletes refuse to endorse smaller sports brands, these companies may struggle to survive in the market.

In addition to Jisu's points, I believe that the substantial expenses associated with an athlete's career justify their high salaries. For example, developing an exceptional athlete can cost millions of RMB, placing a heavy financial burden on their families. If athletes cannot earn high salaries, they may be forced to abandon their dreams and aspirations. Therefore, it is only fair that professional athletes receive generous compensation for their dedication and hard work. (172 words)

While I see the Jisu’s point that athletes earns a high-incomes is understand Jisu's argument (clarified the subject's name for consistency) that athletes' high incomes are partly reasonable, justified, I agree concur with Laura’s perspective that Laura's view (used "view" instead of "perspective" for variety) that professional athletes deserve their high earning. substantial earnings (rephrased to maintain a natural tone). As mentioned Laura pointed out, renowned athletes have a significant global impact and can generate considerable economic benefits. For instance, Zhang Jike, a famous table tennis player (clarified the sport for better understanding) who has won numerous international competitions, can influence his fans' purchasing decisions by Laura, famous athletes is very popular in the world so they have a huge economic effect. For example, Zhangjike，famous ping-pong athletes, has achieved several international ping-pong contests, when he post promoting his favorite sports equipment, like shoes or clothes, in the internet. His fans will fill the brand store to buy similar products which can bring the company a large amount of money; equipment online. This can lead to increased sales for the companies involved; however, if athletes reject to help promoting some tiny refuse to endorse smaller sports company which will disappear brands, these companies may struggle to survive in the market.

Apart from what mentioned by Jesus, In addition to Jisu's points, I add that believe that the substantial expenses associated with huge costs an athlete's career justify their high salaries (rephrased for clarity and natural tone). For example, developing an exceptional athlete can cost millions of RMB, placing a heavy financial burden on their families. If athletes cannot earn high salaries, they may be forced to abandon their dreams and aspirations (used for their daily life’s expense, athletes derisive this high salary jobs. For instance, cultivating a excellent athletes have cost roughly millions RMB which means "dreams and aspirations" instead of just "dreams" for emphasis). Therefore, it is heavy finical burden for their families; conversely, if athletes can not earn high salary, they might discontinue to achieve their dreams. Therefor, high salary, undoubtedly, should be assigned for athletes.only fair that professional athletes receive generous compensation for their dedication and hard work (rephrased to maintain a natural tone).

8 思维导图

- Title: Professional Athletes' High Incomes
  - Laura's View: Deserve substantial earnings
    - Global impact
    - Economic benefits
      - Example: Zhang Jike, table tennis player
        - Influencing fans' purchasing decisions
        - Increased sales for endorsed companies
  - Jisu's Argument: Partly justified incomes
    - Expenses associated with an athlete's career
      - Example: Developing an exceptional athlete costs millions of RMB
        - Financial burden on families
        - Potential to abandon dreams and aspirations without high salaries

9 关键词