TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a postresponding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题并表达了你的观点，但在论证方面还有待加强。为了提高任务完成度，建议你提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。此外，注意避免使用过于简单或重复的词汇。

改进示例1： Instead of "companies's factories always put some dirty water and poison gases," you can write "industrial facilities often discharge polluted wastewater and emit harmful gases."

改进示例2： Instead of "hire more scanvengers to clean trashes," you can write "employ additional waste management personnel to properly dispose of waste materials."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，你的文章基本上具备了引言、主体和结论等部分。但是，在段落内部的逻辑关系和段落之间的过渡方面还有待加强。为了提高文章结构与组织，建议你在段落内部明确表达出各个观点之间的联系，并在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词汇。

改进示例1： 在第二段中，可以使用如下句子连接两个观点：“By imposing stricter penalties, the government can effectively deter companies from engaging in environmentally harmful practices and encourage them to adopt more sustainable methods.”

改进示例2： 在第三段中，可以使用如下句子过渡到结论部分：“In light of these considerations, it becomes evident that imposing higher penalties on companies for environmental damage is a viable solution to protect our environment.”

5. 语法批改

I subscribe to the opinion that it is gooodgood(misspelling) idea to require more penalitiespenalties(misspelling) for companies. With the development of companies’ production rapidly, companies’scompany's(wrong genitive (e.g., 'employees's' instead of 'employee's')) factories always put some dirty water and poison gases, which leads to cause serious environment problems showing up at the same time. Companies usually ignore the importance of concerning the environment damage, so it comes as no surprise that government should act some strict measures to punish them greatly. For example, government can ask them to hand in higher taxes and larger fines to make companies feel afraid of the envirobmentenvironment(misspelling) damage. In this way, companies can realize the importance of the environment to controllcontrol(misspelling) the gases to the air, hire more scanvengersscavengers(misspelling) to clean trashes. In summary, I firmly believe that it is a good idea.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my view, imposing stricter penalties on companies causing environmental harm is a prudent approach. As industries rapidly expand, their factories often discharge polluted water and toxic gases, resulting in severe environmental issues. Many corporations tend to overlook the significance of mitigating such damage; hence, it is imperative for governments to implement stringent measures to hold them accountable. By imposing higher taxes and larger fines, authorities can instill a sense of responsibility in these organizations regarding the consequences of their actions on the environment. Consequently, companies may be more inclined to adopt sustainable practices, such as controlling emissions and employing waste management personnel. Thus, I am convinced that increasing penalties for environmentally detrimental actions is an effective strategy. (123 words)

I subscribe In my view, imposing stricter penalties on companies causing environmental harm is a prudent approach (revised for clarity and conciseness). As industries rapidly expand, their factories often discharge polluted water and toxic gases (corrected grammar), resulting in severe environmental issues (improved word choice). Many corporations tend to overlook the opinion that significance of mitigating such damage; hence, it is goood idea imperative for governments to require more penalities for companies. With the development of companies’ production rapidly, companies’s factories always put some dirty water and poison gases, which leads to cause serious environment problems showing up at the same time. Companies usually ignore the importance of concerning the environment damage, so it comes as no surprise that government should act some strict implement stringent measures to punish hold them greatly. For example, government can ask them to hand in accountable (rephrased for better flow). By imposing higher taxes and larger fines to make companies feel afraid fines, authorities can instill a sense of responsibility in these organizations regarding the envirobment damage. In this way, companies can realize the importance consequences of their actions on the environment (revised for clarity). Consequently, companies may be more inclined to controll the gases to the air, hire more scanvengers to clean trashes. In summary, adopt sustainable practices, such as controlling emissions and employing waste management personnel (corrected grammar and improved word choice). Thus, I firmly believe am convinced that it increasing penalties for environmentally detrimental actions is a good idea.an effective strategy (rephrased for better flow).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Stricter penalties for environmental harm
   - Rapid industrial expansion

2. Problem
   - Pollution from factories
   - Corporations overlooking damage mitigation

3. Solution
   - Government intervention
   - Higher taxes and fines for polluters

4. Benefits
   - Instilling responsibility in organizations
   - Encouraging sustainable practices

5. Examples of sustainable practices
   - Controlling emissions
   - Employing waste management personnel

6. Conclusion 
   - Effectiveness of increased penalties for environmental harm

9 关键词

                                            |- (of a thing) having a tendency to do something.| 倾向于                         | Companies may be more inclined to adopt sustainable practices if they face stricter penalties.         |