TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

26. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题时表现出了较高的相关性，观点清晰且有一定的论证。但是，为了更好地完成任务，建议在论证观点时提供更多具体的例子和细节。此外，在语言使用和语法方面也需要加强，避免出现错误。

改进示例1： Instead of "The activities in city brings huge environmental pollutions," try "Urban activities contribute significantly to various forms of pollution."

改进示例2： Instead of "Every terrible consequences in that movie can come true if we don't pay attention to address the environment problems," try "The dire consequences depicted in the movie could become a reality if we fail to address environmental issues."

4.文章结构与组织 文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、主体和结论。然而，在段落之间的过渡和连接方面还有待加强。建议使用更明确的过渡词汇和句式来使文章更具逻辑性。

改进示例1： 在第一段和第二段之间添加过渡句："Considering these factors, it is essential for city governments to prioritize green spaces."

改进示例2： 在第二段中使用过渡词汇来连接不同观点："For example, we have watched a lot of movies to describe the disasters in the future such as The Day After Tomorrow. In these films, every terrible consequence can come true if we don't pay attention to address the environment problems. Therefore, the only solution is to take actions and start now without any hesitation, such as building more parks and green spaces in the cities."

5. 语法批改

Although the important infrastructure is crucial for the citizen's daily life, the serious environmental problem cannot be ignored by the government, which grows larger day by day and eventually will cause a huge impact for our world. Thus, as far as I'm concerned, it's more advisiableadvisable(misspelling) for the city government to utilize more accessiableaccessible(misspelling) space for the parks and other kinds of green spaces.

The activities in city bringsbring(Possible agreement error: plural noun + singular verb) huge environmental pollutions, such as car gas, waster water, and light pollution. All these sorts of pollutions are severe and should be treated seriously by our country. Otherwise, no matter how much can we gain from the high-efficiency productivity benefited by industrial facilities or advanced technologies-based infrastructures, our environment is the only home for human being to live. For example, we have watched a lot of movies to describe the disasters in the futurefuture,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) such as The Day After Tomorrow. Every terrible consequences in that movie can come true if we don't pay attention to address the environment problems. The only solution is to take actions and start now without any hestitatehesitate(misspelling), such as building more parks and green spaces in the cities.

6.文章修订

While essential infrastructure is crucial for citizens' daily lives, the growing environmental problems cannot be ignored by the government. These issues will eventually have a significant impact on our world. Therefore, in my opinion, it is more advisable for city governments to allocate available urban space for parks and other green spaces.

Urban activities contribute significantly to various forms of pollution, such as vehicular emissions, wastewater, and light pollution. These types of pollution are severe and must be addressed by our country. Otherwise, regardless of the high-efficiency productivity gained from industrial facilities or advanced technology-based infrastructures, our environment remains the only home for human beings to live in. For example, we have watched numerous movies depicting future disasters like The Day After Tomorrow. The dire consequences portrayed in these films could become a reality if we fail to address environmental issues. Consequently, the only solution is to take action immediately without hesitation, such as building more parks and green spaces in cities.

Considering these factors, it is essential for city governments to prioritize green spaces over other land uses like shopping areas or manufacturing plants. By doing so, they can help mitigate environmental problems while providing citizens with valuable recreational areas that promote health and well-being. (207 words)

Although the important 7.文章批改

While essential infrastructure is crucial for the citizen's citizens' daily life, the serious lives (revised for clarity and formality), the growing environmental problem problems cannot be ignored by the government, which grows larger day by day and government. These issues will eventually will cause have a huge significant impact for on our world. Thus, as far as I'm concerned, it's Therefore, in my opinion, it is more advisiable for the advisable for city government to utilize more accessiable governments to allocate available urban space for the parks and other kinds green spaces (revised to improve word choice and sentence structure).

Urban activities contribute significantly to various forms of green spaces. ¶ The activities in city brings huge environmental pollutions, pollution (revised for clarity and conciseness), such as car gas, waster water, vehicular emissions, wastewater, and light pollution. All these sorts These types of pollutions pollution are severe and should must be treated seriously addressed by our country. Otherwise, no matter how much can we gain from regardless of the high-efficiency productivity benefited by gained from industrial facilities or advanced technologies-based infrastructures, technology-based infrastructures (revised to improve word choice), our environment is remains the only home for human being to live. beings to live in (revised for clarity). For example, we have watched a lot of numerous movies to describe the depicting future disasters in the future such as like The Day After Tomorrow. Every terrible The dire consequences in that movie can come true portrayed in these films could become a reality if we don't pay attention fail to address the environment problems. The environmental issues (revised for clarity and conciseness). Consequently, the only solution is to take actions and start now action immediately without any hestitate, hesitation (revised for formality), such as building more parks and green spaces in the cities.cities.

Considering these factors, it is essential for city governments to prioritize green spaces over other land uses like shopping areas or manufacturing plants (revised to improve sentence structure). By doing so, they can help mitigate environmental problems while providing citizens with valuable recreational areas that promote health and well-being (revised for clarity and coherence).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Essential infrastructure
  • Environmental problems
  • Urban space allocation

• Body

  • Pollution forms
    • Vehicular emissions
    • Wastewater
    • Light pollution
  • Addressing pollution
    • Industrial facilities and advanced technology-based infrastructures
    • Environmental consequences (e.g., The Day After Tomorrow)
  • Solution: parks and green spaces in cities

• Conclusion

  • Prioritizing green spaces over other land uses

9.关键词