TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental philosophy. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了教授的问题，并提出了有关过度消费对环境造成的影响。然而，文章可以进一步改进，以更全面地讨论这个问题。首先，可以在论述中加入更多具体的例子和数据来支持观点。其次，在讨论过度消费问题时，可以涉及到更多相关领域，如食品浪费、能源消耗等。

示例1：在讨论快时尚产业时，可以引用一些具体的数据，如每年有多少吨纺织品被丢弃，或者生产一件衣服所需的水资源。

示例2：在讨论过度消费问题时，可以提到食品浪费现象。例如，在发达国家中每年有大量食物被丢弃，而这些食物本可以用于解决全球饥饿问题。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本合理，包括引言、正文和结尾。然而，在组织方面还有改进空间。首先，在正文部分，可以将论点分为几个段落，每个段落讨论一个具体的问题。其次，在段落之间加入过渡句子，使文章更加连贯。

示例1：在正文部分，可以将快时尚产业和其他过度消费领域（如食品浪费、能源消耗等）分成不同的段落进行讨论。

示例2：在段落之间加入过渡句子。例如，在讨论快时尚产业后，可以使用类似这样的句子：“除了快时尚产业外，过度消费还表现在其他领域，如食品浪费。”

5. 语法批改

I firmly believe that excessive consumption, or buying more than we truly need, has become a serious problem in today's society. This issue is primarily due to the significant waste of resources and the environmental damage it causes. Excessive consumption leads to a considerable waste of resources. As people demand more goods, companies are pressured to increase production to meet these demands. This overproduction of goods results in a vast amount of resources being used unnecessarily. For instance, the fast fashion industry is notorious for producing large quantities of clothing at a rapid pace to keep up with ever-changing trends. This practice not only consumes an immense amount of raw materials, such as water and textiles, but also generates a significant amount of waste when these clothes are quickly discarded by consumers in pursuit of the latest styles.

Title: 6 文章修订

In addition to the waste of resources, excessive consumption has detrimental effects on the environment. The production and disposal of goods contribute to pollution, deforestation, and habitat destruction, among other issues. For example, the manufacturing of electronic devices often involves the extraction of rare earth metals, which can lead to environmental degradation and the displacement of local communities. Furthermore, when these devices become obsolete or are replaced by newer models, they often end up in landfills where they release toxic substances into the soil and water. This vicious cycle of consumption not only puts a strain on our planet's finite resources but also exacerbates existing environmental problems.

Overall, it is evident that excessive consumption poses a significant threat to both our resources and the environment. It is crucial for society to recognize this issue and work towards more sustainable practices in order to ensure a better future for ourselves and generations to come. (156 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

I firmly believe that excessive consumption, or buying more than we truly need, has become a serious problem in today's society. society (clarified the meaning of excessive consumption). This issue is primarily due to the significant waste of resources and the environmental damage it causes.

Excessive consumption leads to a considerable waste of resources. As people demand more goods, companies are pressured to increase production to meet these demands. demands (rephrased for clarity). This overproduction of goods results in a vast amount of resources being used unnecessarily. For instance, the fast fashion industry is notorious for producing large quantities of clothing at a rapid pace to keep up with ever-changing trends. trends (added an example). This practice not only consumes an immense amount of raw materials, such as water and textiles, but also generates a significant amount of waste when these clothes are quickly discarded by consumers in pursuit of the latest styles.styles (explained the consequences).

In addition to the waste of resources, excessive consumption has detrimental effects on the environment (transition sentence). The production and disposal of goods contribute to pollution, deforestation, and habitat destruction, among other issues (provided examples). For example, the manufacturing of electronic devices often involves the extraction of rare earth metals, which can lead to environmental degradation and the displacement of local communities (added an example). Furthermore, when these devices become obsolete or are replaced by newer models, they often end up in landfills where they release toxic substances into the soil and water (explained consequences). This vicious cycle of consumption not only puts a strain on our planet's finite resources but also exacerbates existing environmental problems.

Overall, it is evident that excessive consumption poses a significant threat to both our resources and the environment (restated thesis statement). It is crucial for society to recognize this issue and work towards more sustainable practices in order to ensure a better future for ourselves and generations to come (call to action).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Excessive consumption
   - Waste of resources
   - Environmental impact

2. Production and disposal of goods
   - Pollution
   - Deforestation
   - Habitat destruction

3. Electronic devices example
   - Rare earth metals extraction
   - Environmental degradation
   - Displacement of local communities

4. Obsolete devices and landfills
   - Toxic substances release
   - Soil and water contamination

5. Vicious cycle of consumption 

6. Strain on finite resources 

7. Exacerbation of environmental problems 

8. Conclusion 
   - Threat to resources and environment 
   - Need for sustainable practices 

Title: 9 关键词