TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on educational philosophy. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好，表达了对学校课程中包含艺术和音乐课程的观点，并给出了合理的理由。为了进一步改进，可以考虑更详细地说明艺术和音乐课程如何促进学生的批判性思维和全面发展。此外，可以尝试使用更丰富的词汇和语法结构来提高语言表达水平。

例子1： 原文：What's more, they can make friends who share common interests with them... 改进：Furthermore, participating in art and music classes allows students to forge friendships with like-minded peers...

例子2： 原文：Second, they can learn more knowledge concerning different art forms... 改进：Secondly, exposure to various art forms in these classes broadens their understanding of diverse artistic styles and techniques...

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面基本上是清晰的，包括引言、主体和结论。然而，可以考虑使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同段落中的观点。此外，在主体段落中，可以尝试将每个论点与具体例子或详细说明紧密结合，以增强文章的说服力。

例子1： 原文：First, these kinds of classes can enrich students' life. 改进：First and foremost, incorporating art and music classes into the curriculum significantly enriches students' educational experiences.

例子2： 原文：Speaking of school curriculum, I wholeheartedly think lessons... 改进：In regard to the school curriculum, I firmly believe that incorporating lessons...

5. 语法批改

Speaking of school curriculum, I wholeheartedly think lessons that can nurture childa child(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.)'s creativity such as art and music classes should be included in the schedule for the following reasons. First, these kinds of classes can enrich students' life. To be specific, they need to face a strict study schedule, in such classes, they can take a break from the heavy study pressure, which contributes to their productivity. What's more, they can make friends who share common interests with them, for instance, they can appreciate famous artwork together after school and explore more subtle meaning behind some art crafts, which encourage them to think with a comprehensive view. Second, they can learn more knowledge concerning different art forms, such as different kinds of paintings, sculptures, and melodies. Also, they can get familiar with masters in different fields, and the masterpieces can definitely inspire students, which makes them more energetic and make sure they can do better in their future study.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I firmly believe that incorporating art and music classes into the school curriculum is essential for nurturing a child's creativity. Firstly, these classes serve as an enriching experience for students, providing them with a respite from their rigorous academic schedules. This break from academic pressure can boost their productivity and foster connections with like-minded peers who share similar interests. For example, students may engage in discussions about renowned artworks or delve deeper into the hidden meanings behind various art forms, promoting a more comprehensive thought process.

Secondly, exposure to diverse artistic disciplines such as painting, sculpture, and music allows students to broaden their knowledge base and familiarize themselves with notable masters in each field. These masterpieces can inspire and invigorate students, ultimately enhancing their overall academic performance and personal growth. (140 words)

Speaking of In response to the professor's question (revised for clarity), I firmly believe that incorporating art and music classes into the school curriculum, I wholeheartedly think lessons that can nurture curriculum is essential for nurturing a child's creativity (rephrased for better flow). Firstly, these classes serve as an enriching experience (simplified for conciseness) for students, providing them with a respite from their rigorous academic schedules (rephrased to maintain consistency in tone). This break from academic pressure can boost their productivity and foster connections with like-minded peers who share similar interests (revised for better flow). For example, students may engage in discussions about renowned artworks or delve deeper into the hidden meanings behind various art forms, promoting a more comprehensive thought process (rephrased to maintain consistency in tone).

Secondly, exposure to diverse artistic disciplines such as art painting, sculpture, and music classes should be included in the schedule for the following reasons. First, these kinds of classes can enrich students' life. To be specific, they need to face a strict study schedule, in such classes, they can take a break from the heavy study pressure, which contributes to their productivity. What's more, they can make friends who share common interests allows students to broaden their knowledge base and familiarize themselves with them, for instance, they can appreciate famous artwork together after school and explore more subtle meaning behind some art crafts, which encourage them to think with a comprehensive view. Second, they can learn more knowledge concerning different art forms, such as different kinds of paintings, sculptures, and melodies. Also, they can get familiar with notable masters in different fields, and the each field (revised for clarity and conciseness). These masterpieces can definitely inspire students, which makes them more energetic and make sure they can do better in their future study.and invigorate students (simplified for conciseness), ultimately enhancing their overall academic performance and personal growth (rephrased to maintain consistency in tone).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - 学校课程
   - 艺术与音乐课程
   - 培养创造力

2. 丰富学生体验
   - 缓解学术压力
   - 提高生产力
   - 结交志同道合的朋友

3. 探讨艺术作品及其内涵
   - 深入了解艺术形式背后的意义
   - 提升思维能力

4. 接触多样化的艺术领域
   - 绘画、雕塑、音乐等领域的大师作品 

5. 拓宽知识面和认识大师作品 

6. 受到启发和激励 

7. 提高整体学术表现和个人成长 

9 关键词