TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on businessmanagement. Write a post responding to theprofessor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好，有效地回答了教授的问题并表达了作者的观点。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在论述观点时可以提供更多具体的例子来支持观点；其次，尝试使用更丰富的词汇和句式来增强文章的表达力。

示例1（改进前）：A leader with good communication skills contributes to the increased creativity and engagement of employees. 示例1（改进后）：A leader with good communication skills can inspire employees to think outside the box, thus fostering a culture of innovation and increased engagement.

示例2（改进前）：Taking these considerations into account, I firmly believe that brilliant communication skills are imperative for a leader that not only captivate enthusiasm of employees but also promote business growth. 示例2（改进后）：Considering these factors, I am convinced that exceptional communication skills are essential for a leader who aims to not only ignite enthusiasm among employees but also drive sustainable business growth.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在以下方面可以进行改进：首先，确保段落之间有明确的过渡，使文章更连贯；其次，可以在结论部分更详细地总结文章的主要观点。

示例1（改进前）：Undeniably, a professional leader brings valuable expertise to the table, fostering an active and dynamic working environment is also an important factor which leads to a more successful business. 示例1（改进后）：Undeniably, while a professional leader brings valuable expertise to the table, fostering an active and dynamic working environment through effective communication is also a crucial factor that contributes to a more successful business.

示例2（改进前）：Taking these considerations into account, I firmly believe that brilliant communication skills are imperative for a leader that not only captivate enthusiasm of employees but also promote business growth. 示例2（改进后）：In conclusion, taking these considerations into account, I firmly believe that brilliant communication skills are imperative for a leader who aims to not only captivate the enthusiasm of employees but also promote business growth.

5. 语法批改

I wholeheartedly concur with Andrew's stance that excellent communication skills are crutialcrucial to a leader of a business. Although some may argue that specialization in technology takes precedence, it's critical not to overlook the potential benefits of communication. A leader with good communication skills contributes to the increased creativity and engagement of employees. Moreover, a leader good at interaction helps workers exchange ideas and share their own informed information. Undeniably, a professional leader brings valuable expertise to the table, fostering an active and dynamic working environment is also an important factor whichthat leads to a more successful business. Taking these considerations into account, I firmly believe that brilliant communication skills are imperative for a leader thatleader, as they not only captivate enthusiasm of employees but also promote business growth.

Title: 6 文章修订

I wholeheartedly concur with Andrew's stance that excellent communication skills are crucial for an effective business leader. Although some may argue that specialization in a particular industry takes precedence, it is critical not to overlook the potential benefits of proficient communication.

A leader with exceptional communication skills contributes to increased creativity and engagement among employees. Moreover, such a leader facilitates the exchange of ideas and promotes informed decision-making within the team. Undeniably, a professionally competent leader brings valuable expertise to the table; however, fostering an active and dynamic working environment is also an essential factor leading to a more successful business.

Taking these considerations into account, I firmly believe that outstanding communication skills are imperative for a leader who not only aims to inspire enthusiasm among employees but also seeks to promote overall business growth. (138 words)

I wholeheartedly concur with Andrew's stance that excellent communication skills are crutial to a leader of a business. crucial (changed "crutial" to "crucial" for correct spelling) for an effective (added "effective" for clarity) business leader. Although some may argue that specialization in technology a particular industry (rephrased "technology" to "a particular industry" for broader scope) takes precedence, it's it is critical not to overlook the potential benefits of communication. proficient communication (rephrased "communication" to "proficient communication" for emphasis).

A leader with good exceptional communication skills contributes to the increased creativity and engagement of among employees. Moreover, a leader good at interaction helps workers such a leader facilitates (changed "helps" to "facilitates" for better word choice) the exchange of ideas and share promotes informed decision-making within the team (rephrased "share their own informed information. information" to make it more concise). Undeniably, a professional professionally competent leader brings valuable expertise to the table, table; however, fostering an active and dynamic working environment is also an important essential factor which leads leading to a more successful business.

Taking these considerations into account, I firmly believe that brilliant outstanding communication skills are imperative for a leader that who not only captivate aims to inspire enthusiasm of among employees but also seeks (changed "promote" to "seeks" for better flow) to promote overall business growth.

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Andrew's stance
   - Importance of communication skills for a business leader

2. Creativity and Engagement
   - Exceptional communication skills contribute to increased creativity
   - Promotes engagement among employees

3. Exchange of Ideas and Informed Decision-making
   - Facilitates the exchange of ideas within the team
   - Promotes informed decision-making

4. Professional Competence vs. Communication Skills
   - Professional competence is valuable
   - Active and dynamic working environment is essential for success

5. Conclusion
   - Outstanding communication skills are imperative for inspiring enthusiasm and promoting business growth

Title: 9 关键词