TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on business management. Write a postresponding to the professor's question. In your response you should do the following.Express and support your opinionMake a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 27

3.任务完成度

此篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，表达了作者对于领导技能和沟通能力的看法。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在论述观点时，可以加入更多具体的例子和细节，使观点更加有说服力。

2. 文章中存在一些语法错误和不太自然的表达，需要进行修改。

示例1：将 "being practical is more important for being an effective leader of a business-excellent" 改为 "having a strong technical background is more important for being an effective business leader."

示例2：将 "due to his careful skills and proficient techniques" 改为 "due to their expertise and proficiency in the industry."

4.文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面较为清晰，包括了引言、正文和结论。然而，在以下方面可以进行改进：

1. 在段落之间增加过渡性词汇或短语，使文章更加流畅。

2. 对于正文部分的论述，可以尝试使用对比法来强调自己的观点。

示例1：在第二段开头添加过渡性词汇：“首先，在技术背景方面，如果领导具备强大的技术背景，他可以为员工的日常工作制定具体计划。”

示例2：在正文部分加入对比论述：“虽然良好的沟通能力对于激发员工积极性有一定作用，但是在实际操作中，技术背景更能够帮助领导制定切实可行的计划和目标。”

5. 语法批改

In response to the professor's question, I concur with Rory's viewpoint that being practical is more important for being an effective leader of a business-excellent. There are two primary reasons for my instance. Firstly, if the leader has a strong technical background, he can make a specific plan for his employees' day-to-day work, due to his careful skills and proficient techniques. As a leader, the important function is to teach his employees, how to work effectively. So, to some extent, skills can be addressed as a priority. Secondly, good communication may be inspiring, but it is all superficial and cannot be turned into reality. For example, my mother often complains to me that her boss always praises them without putting them into practice, telling them to work hard without mentioning the direction or content of their efforts. In conclusion, I think strong technical background should take precedence over communication skills.

6.文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I agree with Rory that having a strong technical background is more important for being an effective business leader. There are two primary reasons for my stance.

Firstly, a leader with a strong technical background can create specific plans for their employees' day-to-day work, due to their expertise and proficiency in the industry. As a leader, it is crucial to guide employees on how to work effectively. Therefore, technical skills should be considered a priority.

Secondly, while good communication may be inspiring, it can often be superficial and not translate into tangible results. For instance, my mother frequently complains that her boss praises them without implementing any changes or providing clear guidance on the direction or content of their efforts.

Overall, I believe that a strong technical background should take precedence over communication skills when evaluating an effective business leader. (147 words)

7.文章批改

In response to the professor's question, I concur agree with Rory's viewpoint Rory that being practical having a strong technical background is more important for being an effective leader of a business-excellent. business leader. (Changed "being practical" to "having a strong technical background" for clarity) There are two primary reasons for my instance. stance.

Firstly, if the a leader has a strong technical background, he with a strong technical background can make a create specific plan for his plans for their employees' day-to-day work, due to their expertise and proficiency in the industry. (Rephrased "due to his careful skills and proficient techniques. techniques" to "due to their expertise and proficiency in the industry" for more natural language use) As a leader, the important function it is to teach his employees, crucial to guide employees on how to work effectively. So, to some extent, Therefore, technical skills can should be addressed as considered a priority.

Secondly, while good communication may be inspiring, but it is all can often be superficial and cannot be turned not translate into reality. tangible results. (Revised sentence structure for better flow) For example, instance, my mother often frequently complains to me that her boss always praises them without putting them into practice, telling them to work hard without mentioning implementing any changes or providing clear guidance on the direction or content of their efforts. ¶ In conclusion, (Reworded this sentence for clarity)

Overall, I think believe that a strong technical background should take precedence over communication skills.skills when evaluating an effective business leader. (Minor edits for improved language use)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Agree with Rory
  • Strong technical background importance

• Reason 1

  • Specific plans for employees
  • Expertise and proficiency in the industry

• Reason 2

  • Good communication can be superficial
  • Lack of tangible results

• Example

  • Mother's experience with her boss

• Conclusion

  • Technical background takes precedence over communication skills

9.关键词