TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: our professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成方面做得不错，基本上满足了题目要求。但是，可以在以下几个方面进行改进：首先，在表达观点时，可以更具体地说明为什么年长的学生从小组学习中受益更多。其次，在语言使用和语法方面，需要注意一些细节问题，避免出现错误。

示例1（改进）： 原文：However older students have stronger self-control ability, and older students will have more difficult courses. 改进：However, older students possess better self-control abilities and face more challenging courses.

示例2（改进）： 原文：So, younger students will be more distracted because of group activities, and it is difficult to effectively progress and improve the learning process. 改进：As a result, younger students may become more distracted due to group activities, making it difficult for them to progress effectively in their learning process.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面基本合理，但仍有提升空间。建议在引言部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文部分逐一论述支持观点的理由。此外，在段落之间加入过渡词或短语以增强连贯性。

示例1（改进）： 原文：In my own opinion, I think older groups would benefit more from working in small groups on learning activities. 改进：In my opinion, older students (ages 14-18) would benefit more from working in small groups on learning activities than younger students (ages 5-11).

示例2（改进）： 原文：For example, younger students may talk to each other. 改进：For instance, younger students may engage in off-topic conversations with each other, leading to distractions.

5. 语法批改

In my own opinion, I think older groups would benefit more from working in small groups on learning activities. Working in small group on learning activities in older groups can make learning process can be effectively advanced and improved. According to scientific investigation and observation, younger students always unable to maintain attention throughout the class. Therefore, if younger students study in small groups, they may distracteddistract(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) from each other. For example, younger students may talk to each other. So, younger students will be more distracted because of group activities, and it is difficult to effectively progress and improve the learning process. HoweverHowever,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) older students have stronger self-control ability, and older students will have more difficult courses. They need workto work(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) in small groups to cooperate with other studentsstudents,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which can help each other and easier to understand the course knowledge. In short, I think older groups would benefit more from working in small groups on learning activities.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, older students (ages 14-18) would derive greater benefits from engaging in small group learning activities. Collaborative work in these age groups can significantly enhance and advance the learning process. Research has shown that younger students often struggle to maintain focus throughout a class, which could lead to distractions if they were to work in small groups. For instance, they might engage in off-topic conversations, hindering their ability to progress effectively and improve their understanding of the subject matter.

On the other hand, older students possess stronger self-control and are faced with more challenging coursework. By working together in small groups, they can cooperate with their peers, provide mutual support, and facilitate a deeper comprehension of complex concepts. Thus, I believe that older students would reap greater rewards from participating in small group learning activities. (141 words)

In my own opinion, I think older students (ages 14-18) would derive greater benefits (reason: more specific age range) from engaging in small group learning activities (reason: clearer expression). Collaborative work in these age groups would benefit more from working can significantly enhance and advance the learning process (reason: smoother phrasing). Research has shown that younger students often struggle to maintain focus throughout a class, which could lead to distractions if they were to work in small groups on learning activities. Working (reason: clearer explanation). For instance, they might engage in small group on learning activities in off-topic conversations, hindering their ability to progress effectively and improve their understanding of the subject matter (reason: more detailed example).

On the other hand, older groups can make learning process can be effectively advanced students possess stronger self-control and improved. According to scientific investigation and observation, younger students always unable to maintain attention throughout the class. Therefore, if younger students study are faced with more challenging coursework (reason: clearer contrast). By working together in small groups, they may distracted from each other. For example, younger students may talk to each other. So, younger students will be more distracted because can cooperate with their peers, provide mutual support, and facilitate a deeper comprehension of group activities, and it is difficult to effectively progress and improve the learning process. However complex concepts (reason: smoother phrasing). Thus, I believe that older students have stronger self-control ability, and older students will have more difficult courses. They need work would reap greater rewards from participating in small groups to cooperate with other students which can help each other and easier to understand the course knowledge. In short, I think older groups would benefit group learning activities (reason: more from working in small groups on learning activities.concise conclusion).

Display title: 8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Introduction
   - Small group learning benefits

2. Younger students (ages 14-18)
   - Struggle to maintain focus
   - Distractions in small groups

3. Older students
   - Stronger self-control
   - Challenging coursework

4. Benefits of small group learning for older students
   - Cooperation with peers
   - Mutual support
   - Deeper comprehension of complex concepts

5. Conclusion
   - Older students reap greater rewards from small group learning activities

Display title: 9 关键词