TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现较好，但仍有改进的空间。首先，在支持观点时，可以提供更具体的例子或详细说明。此外，尽管文章中提到了Claire和Paul的观点，但可以更深入地讨论他们的看法以及与自己观点的关系。

改进建议示例：

1. 在支持兼职学习的观点时，可以举一个具体的例子来说明为什么这种方式能帮助学生在学术和职业方面取得更好的成果。

2. 在讨论Claire和Paul的观点时，可以对比他们的看法，并解释为什么你认为兼职学习是更好的选择。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织上还有改进空间。首先，在引言部分可以简要介绍两种不同观点，并明确自己将支持哪种观点。其次，在正文部分，每段落应该集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。最后，结论部分可以更明确地总结文章的主要观点。

改进建议示例：

1. 引言部分可以这样修改：“在完成本科学业后，许多人面临着选择继续全职攻读研究生学位还是在工作的同时兼职深造的问题。Claire和Paul分别提出了他们各自的观点。经过思考，我认为兼职深造是更好的选择。”

2. 在正文部分，可以将讨论Claire和Paul观点的段落与支持自己观点的段落分开，以便更清晰地组织文章。例如，在第二段讨论Claire和Paul的观点，在第三段提供支持自己观点的理由和例子。

5. 语法批改

In response to the professor’s thought-provoking question, I am firmly inclined to pursue an advanced degree part-time. First, I concur with Claire’s assertion that students can use the knowledge they learn from school effectively. Additionally, I would like to emphasize that life has a way of presenting us with responsibilities and bills that can’t be ignored, especially for students from unrichenrich(misspelling) families. While studying full-time is a kind of consuming, part-time classes provide a leisure timetable for individuals to do some jobs, affording the expenses of tuition and families. Drawing from personal experience, I got my graduate degree in a part-time manner at Tsinghua University in China, studying computer science with a tuition of 16,000 yuan a year. Because I only had to attend the classes twice a week, this offered me a well-paid job in Tencent as well as a brilliant job opportunity that could help me to make ends meet. Without the job, I could not have afforded the tuition and have got the degree, which is essential for my future career. In conclusion, while pursuing a degree part-time will meet the challenge of time management, as Paul says, there is no doubt that this enables poor students to not only pursue a higher degree, but also earn money to pay for daily uses, partly breaking down class barriers.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's thought-provoking question, I firmly believe that pursuing an advanced degree part-time is the most suitable option for me. Firstly, I agree with Paul's assertion that students can effectively apply the knowledge they acquire in school to their professional lives. Moreover, it is essential to acknowledge that life often presents us with financial responsibilities and obligations that cannot be overlooked, particularly for students from less affluent backgrounds. While full-time study can be demanding, part-time classes offer a more flexible schedule, allowing individuals to work and cover their tuition fees and living expenses.

Drawing from personal experience, I obtained my graduate degree in a part-time capacity at Tsinghua University in China, where I studied computer science at an annual tuition fee of 16,000 yuan. As I only had to attend classes twice a week, this provided me with the opportunity to secure a well-paid job at Tencent while simultaneously pursuing my degree. Without this job, I would not have been able to afford the tuition fees or obtain the essential qualifications for my future career.

Although pursuing a degree part-time undoubtedly presents challenges in terms of time management, as Paul suggests, it is undeniable that this approach enables financially disadvantaged students to not only attain higher education but also earn money for daily expenses. This dual approach can contribute significantly towards breaking down social barriers and promoting equal opportunities within society. (237 words)

In response to the professor’s professor's thought-provoking question, I am firmly inclined to pursue believe that pursuing an advanced degree part-time. First, I concur part-time is the most suitable option for me (revised for clarity and natural tone). Firstly, I agree with Claire’s Paul's (corrected name for consistency) assertion that students can use effectively apply (rephrased for better flow) the knowledge they learn from acquire in school effectively. Additionally, I would like to emphasize to their professional lives. Moreover, it is essential to acknowledge that life has a way of presenting often presents us with financial responsibilities and bills that can’t obligations that cannot be ignored, especially overlooked (rephrased for clarity), particularly for students from unrich families. less affluent backgrounds (rephrased to avoid negative connotation). While studying full-time is a kind of consuming, study can be demanding, part-time classes provide a leisure timetable for offer a more flexible schedule (rephrased for better flow), allowing individuals to do some jobs, affording the expenses of work and cover their tuition and families. fees and living expenses.

Drawing from personal experience, I got obtained my graduate degree in a part-time manner capacity at Tsinghua University in China, studying where I studied computer science with a at an annual tuition fee of 16,000 yuan a year. Because (revised for clarity). As I only had to attend the classes twice a week, this offered provided me with the opportunity to secure a well-paid job in at Tencent as well as a brilliant job opportunity that could help me to make ends meet. while simultaneously pursuing my degree (rephrased for better flow). Without the this job, I could would not have afforded been able to afford the tuition and have got the degree, which is fees or obtain the essential qualifications for my future career.

In conclusion, while Although pursuing a degree part-time will meet the challenge undoubtedly presents challenges in terms of time management, as Paul says, there suggests (added reference to Paul's statement), it is no doubt undeniable that this approach enables poor financially disadvantaged students to not only pursue a attain higher degree, education but also earn money to pay for daily uses, partly expenses (rephrased for clarity). This dual approach can contribute significantly towards breaking down class barriers.social barriers and promoting equal opportunities within society (added benefits of part-time study).

8 思维导图

- Pursuing an advanced degree part-time
    - Applying knowledge to professional lives
    - Financial responsibilities and obligations
        - Less affluent backgrounds
        - Cover tuition fees and living expenses
    - Flexible schedule
        - Work and study simultaneously
    - Personal experience
        - Tsinghua University, computer science degree
        - Part-time job at Tencent
    - Challenges in time management
    - Benefits for financially disadvantaged students
        - Attain higher education and earn money for daily expenses
    - Breaking down social barriers and promoting equal opportunities

9 关键词