TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: nstructions: Your professor is teaching a class on business. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should: express and support your personal opinion make a contribution to the discussion An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the professor's question by expressing a personal opinion on the usefulness of online reviews and providing a specific example from the writer's experience. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoint and refining language use.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more detailed explanations or examples to support your opinion.

• Revise grammar, punctuation, and capitalization errors.

Examples:

1. Instead of "i believe that online review can provide conveniences for prblic.", consider writing "I believe that online reviews offer significant convenience for consumers by providing reliable information from real users."

2. Correct capitalization errors such as "i think" to "I think" and "i am be attracted" to "I am attracted."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Improve paragraph organization by focusing on one main idea per paragraph.

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.

Examples:

1. In the body paragraph, separate the discussion of cosmetic products into its own paragraph with a clear topic sentence like "Online reviews have been particularly helpful when I purchase cosmetic products."

2. Add transition words or phrases such as "For instance," or "Moreover," to connect ideas within paragraphs, e.g., "Moreover, these reviewers share their real feelings after using the cosmetic products."

5. Grammar

For me, reading online reviews can help me save lots of money and time. Take my purchasing cosmetic products for example, every time when iI(i vs. I) am beam being(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) attracted by the new products' advertisements, iI(i vs. I) would find the online reviews from people who have already used it, by doing so it can help me determine whether to buy thisthese('this' vs. 'these') products. To be more specific, on the website, the people not only share the package of the products, the using method ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) ingredients in the products and the different functions of the products, but also transmit their real feeling after using this cosmetic products. Because they do not have the responsibility to promote the products, their reviews can be more reliable. In conclusion, iI(i vs. I) believe that online review can provide conveniences for prblicpublic(misspelling).

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, online reviews significantly contribute to making informed decisions when purchasing products or services, as they offer valuable insights from real users. For instance, when considering cosmetic products, I often consult online reviews to determine their effectiveness and suitability. These reviews not only provide details about the packaging, usage instructions, ingredients, and functions of the products but also convey genuine user experiences. Since reviewers are not obligated to promote the products, their opinions tend to be more trustworthy. Therefore, I believe that online reviews play a crucial role in facilitating well-informed choices for consumers. (101 words)

In my opinion (For me, reading a more natural tone), online reviews can help me save lots significantly contribute to making informed decisions when purchasing products or services, as they offer valuable insights from real users (Provide reasons and explanations for each revised word or phrase inline in the natural tone of money and time. Take my purchasing English). For instance (For better transition), when considering cosmetic products for example, every time when i am be attracted by the new products' advertisements, i would find the products, I often consult online reviews from people who have already used it, by doing so it can help me to determine whether to buy this products. To be more specific, on the website, the people their effectiveness and suitability (For clarity and precision). These reviews not only share provide details about the package of the products, the using method , ingredients in the products packaging, usage instructions, ingredients, and the different functions of the products, products but also transmit their real feeling after using this cosmetic products. Because they do convey genuine user experiences (For clarity and precision). Since reviewers are not have the responsibility obligated to promote the products, their reviews can opinions tend to be more reliable. In conclusion, i trustworthy (For clarity and precision). Therefore (For better transition), I believe that online review can provide conveniences reviews play a crucial role in facilitating well-informed choices for prblic.consumers (To make the conclusion stronger).

8 Mind Map

- Online Reviews
    - Informed Decisions
        - Valuable Insights
            - Real Users
    - Cosmetic Products Example
        - Effectiveness and Suitability
            - Packaging, Usage, Ingredients, Functions
    - Genuine User Experiences
        - Trustworthy Opinions
    - Crucial Role in Consumer Choices

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, online reviews significantly contribute to making informed decisions when purchasing products or services, as they offer valuable insights from real users. For instance, when considering cosmetic products, I often consult online reviews to determine their effectiveness and suitability. These reviews not only provide details about the packaging, usage instructions, ingredients, and functions of the products but also convey genuine user experiences. Since reviewers are not obligated to promote the products, their opinions tend to be more trustworthy. Therefore, I believe that online reviews play a crucial role in facilitating well-informed choices for consumers.