TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Giving grades based only on performance, or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 26

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task, providing a clear opinion on whether grades should be based on performance or effort. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more supporting details. For example, you could discuss the long-term implications of each grading approach on students' motivation and learning outcomes.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Expand on the importance of fairness in grading and how it affects students' motivation.

• Discuss potential drawbacks of grading based on effort, such as encouraging mediocrity or discouraging high-performing students.

Examples in English:

1. "Grading based on performance ensures that all students are held to the same standard, which promotes healthy competition and motivates them to strive for excellence."
2. "If grades were given based on effort rather than performance, it might inadvertently encourage students to settle for mediocre results instead of pushing themselves to achieve their full potential."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by adding more specific points in each paragraph and using clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Divide your body paragraphs into distinct points supporting your argument.

• Use transition words or phrases to guide readers through your essay smoothly.

Examples in English:

1. "Firstly, grading solely based on performance ensures fairness among students because..."
2. "Moreover, focusing only on performance as a criterion for grading can prevent..."

5. Grammar

In my opinion, it is better to give grades based on the performance.   As Kelly mentioned, fairness is a crucial factor when it comes to grading. For instance, If the teacher gives higher grades to someone whose work has unclear ideas, it is unfair to others who have an excellent performance. Furthermore, it might incite disputes among students, which will cost more time on such issues for both teachers and students.   Paul raises a valid concern regarding habit cultivation. However, we cannot deny that some people do not work as hard as it seems, which is also the cause why the company values a good employee on work output.

To conclude, performance should be the proper way to give grades.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, grading students based on their performance is the better approach.

As Kelly pointed out, fairness plays a crucial role in the evaluation process. For instance, if a teacher awards higher grades to a student with unclear ideas or incorrect answers simply because they worked hard, it would be unjust to those who demonstrated excellent performance. This could potentially lead to disputes among students and consume valuable time for both teachers and students in addressing such issues.

While Paul raises a valid concern about character building through hard work, it is important to recognize that not everyone's efforts are as genuine as they may appear. In the professional world, companies often value employees based on their output rather than the amount of effort they put in.

In light of these considerations, it is evident that performance should be the primary factor when assigning grades. This approach not only ensures fairness but also prepares students for real-world expectations where results matter more than mere effort. (170 words)

In my opinion, it is better to give grades grading students based on the performance. their performance is the better approach (revised for clarity and specificity).

As Kelly mentioned, pointed out, fairness is plays a crucial factor when it comes to grading. role in the evaluation process (rephrased for a smoother transition). For instance, If the if a teacher gives awards higher grades to someone whose a student with unclear ideas or incorrect answers simply because they worked hard (added detail for clarity), it would be unjust to those who demonstrated excellent performance. This could potentially lead to disputes among students and consume valuable time for both teachers and students in addressing such issues (revised for improved flow).

While Paul raises a valid concern about character building through hard work has unclear ideas, (rephrased for smoother transition), it is unfair to others who have an excellent performance. Furthermore, important to recognize that not everyone's efforts are as genuine as they may appear (clarified meaning). In the professional world, companies often value employees based on their output rather than the amount of effort they put in (added context).

In light of these considerations, it might incite disputes among students, which will cost more time on such issues for both teachers and students. ¶ Paul raises a valid concern regarding habit cultivation. However, we cannot deny is evident that some people do not work as hard as it seems, which is also the cause why the company values a good employee on work output. ¶ To conclude, performance should be the proper way to give grades.primary factor when assigning grades (clarified meaning). This approach not only ensures fairness but also prepares students for real-world expectations where results matter more than mere effort (summarized main points and added context).

8 Mind Map

1. Grading students

   • Performance-based
   • Effort-based

2. Fairness

   • Evaluation process
   • Unjust grading

3. Disputes among students

   • Consume valuable time

4. Character building

   • Hard work

5. Genuine efforts vs. appearances

6. Professional world expectations

   • Output over effort

7. Performance as primary factor

8. Real-world preparation

9 Key Words

Note: For "Real-world," there isn't a specific phonetic symbol or part of speech since it's a compound word made up of "real" and "world."