TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Giving grades to students based only on performance, or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但还有一些需要改进的地方。首先，你可以在论述中提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。此外，尝试使用更多的词汇和语法结构来增强文章的表达力。

示例1：为了让评分更公平，教师可以将学生在课堂参与、作业完成情况等方面所付出的努力计入总成绩。

示例2：有些学生可能天生就擅长某些科目，而其他学生则需要付出更多努力才能取得相同的成绩。因此，在评分时应该充分考虑到这种差异。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构还算清晰，但可以进一步优化。建议在开头部分明确提出你的观点，并在正文部分逐一阐述论据。最后，在结尾部分总结全文并重申观点。同时，请注意使用恰当的过渡词和短语来连接各个段落和观点。

建议1：在文章开头明确提出观点：“我认为，教师在给学生打分时，应该同时考虑学生的学术表现和付出的努力。”

建议2：使用过渡词和短语来连接段落和观点，例如：“首先”，“其次”，“此外”等。

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, it will be better for teachers to grade students on both their academic performance and effort grade. Actually, there are some students that do not have talent on studying some subjects. It is hard for them to study a specific subject like mathematics or Physicsphysics(Checks wrong uppercase spelling of words that are not proper nouns). They may spend a lot of time on those subjects which they don’t good at, but still cannot get a high grade. Take my sister as an example. She is really poor at Mathematics but good at Chinese and history. In high school, her grade is always just passing the exam and, and(comma between independent clauses) sometimes she cannot even pass the mathematics exams. At the end of the first semester, she spent a lot of time on reviewing her Mathematics but, but(Detects missing comma before "but") still failed in the final exam. Her grade was a D at the final report. It would be really unfair for these students who do not have their talents on specific subjects. Therefore, take their effort into the consideration can be a more comprehensive criterion.

Section Title: Evaluating Students Based on Performance and Effort

In my opinion, it is crucial for educators to assess students based on both their academic performance and the effort they put forth. This is because some individuals may lack natural aptitude in certain subjects, making it difficult for them to excel in areas such as mathematics or physics. Despite investing considerable time and energy into these challenging subjects, they may still struggle to achieve high grades. For instance, my sister excels in Chinese and history but has always found mathematics particularly challenging. Throughout high school, she often barely passed or even failed her math exams, despite dedicating significant time to reviewing the material. In one instance, after an entire semester of diligent study, she still received a D on her final report. It would be unjust to solely evaluate these students based on their performance in subjects that do not align with their strengths. Consequently, incorporating effort into the grading criteria would provide a more comprehensive and equitable measure of their abilities. (172 words)

From In my perspective, opinion, it will be better is crucial [reason: stronger and more formal word choice] for teachers educators to grade assess students based on both their academic performance and the effort grade. Actually, there are they put forth [explanation: rephrased for clarity and conciseness]. This is because some students that do not have talent on studying some subjects. It is hard individuals may lack natural aptitude in certain subjects, making it difficult for them to study a specific subject like excel in areas such as mathematics or Physics. They physics. Despite investing considerable time and energy into these challenging subjects, they may spend a lot of time on those subjects which they don’t good at, but still cannot get a struggle to achieve high grade. Take grades. For instance, my sister as an example. She is really poor at Mathematics but good at excels in Chinese and history. In history but has always found mathematics particularly challenging [explanation: rephrased for clarity]. Throughout high school, she often barely passed or even failed her grade is always just passing math exams, despite dedicating significant time to reviewing the exam and sometimes material. In one instance, after an entire semester of diligent study, she cannot even pass the mathematics exams. At the end of the first semester, she spent a lot of time on reviewing her Mathematics but still failed in the final exam. Her grade was received a D at the on her final report. It would be really unfair for unjust [reason: more formal word choice] to solely evaluate these students who based on their performance in subjects that do not have align with their talents on specific subjects. Therefore, take their strengths. Consequently, incorporating effort into the consideration can be grading criteria would provide a more comprehensive criterion.and equitable measure of their abilities [explanation: rephrased for clarity and conciseness].

8 思维导图

graph TD
A[评价学生] --> B[基于表现]
A --> C[基于努力]
B --> D[数学或物理等科目]
C --> E[自然才能不足的个体]
D --> F[高分难以取得]
E --> G[投入大量时间和精力]
F --> H[挑战性科目]
G --> I[公平评价]
H --> J[不符合个人优势的科目]
I --> K[综合评价标准]

9 关键词