TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Directions: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question. In your response you should: express and support your personal opinion make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了问题，并提出了一个创新的解决方案。然而，为了更好地完成任务，你可以在阐述观点时提供更多细节和例子。例如，你可以描述一下建立屋顶绿化的具体过程以及如何实施这个方案。

示例1（英文）：To implement rooftop greenery, local governments can provide incentives for building owners to install green roofs, such as tax breaks or subsidies. This would encourage more people to adopt this environmentally friendly solution.

示例2（英文）：In addition to the benefits you mentioned, rooftop greenery can also help reduce energy consumption in buildings by providing natural insulation, which keeps the building cooler in summer and warmer in winter.

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、主体和结论。但是，在组织上还有一些改进空间。首先，在引言部分可以简要介绍一下你要讨论的环境问题和解决方案。其次，在主体部分，可以使用段落来详细阐述每个观点，并使用过渡词或短语使文章更连贯。

建议1（简体中文）：在引言部分简要介绍一下你要讨论的环境问题和解决方案。

示例1（英文）：In this post, I would like to address the issue of the greenhouse effect and propose an innovative solution: building rooftop greenery.

建议2（简体中文）：在主体部分，使用段落来详细阐述每个观点，并使用过渡词或短语使文章更连贯。

示例2（英文）：Firstly, rooftop greenery can help reduce the urban heat island effect. This is because plants absorb sunlight and release moisture through a process called transpiration, which cools the surrounding air. Moreover, green roofs can also contribute to reducing carbon emissions...

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, the greenhouse effect is a global environmental problem.Due Due(Missing space between sentences) to the greenhouse effect, the annual average temperature is raising fast globally, which has caused the glacier to melt faster and the amount of freshwater supply to decrease.One One(Missing space between sentences) innovative solution is building rooftop greenery.Building Building(Missing space between sentences) rooftop greenery has multiple benefits.First First(Missing space between sentences), it can reduce the dramatic heat produced by urban area.Secondly Secondly(Missing space between sentences), it can decrease the carbon emission greatly by its leaves.Last Last(Missing space between sentences) but not least. It contributes in the biodiversity in urban area as it provides the birds and other creatures living in cities a habitat which might help them to settle down in the cities. All in all, this rooftop greenery solution is a quintessential example of using one way to solve multiple problems. Adapting it surely will be worthwhile.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In my perspective, the greenhouse effect poses a significant global environmental challenge. This phenomenon leads to rapidly increasing annual average temperatures worldwide, resulting in accelerated glacial melting and a subsequent decline in freshwater supplies. A novel approach to addressing this issue is the implementation of rooftop greenery. This solution offers numerous advantages; firstly, it mitigates the intense heat generated in urban areas. Secondly, it substantially reduces carbon emissions through the natural process of photosynthesis. Lastly, rooftop greenery enhances urban biodiversity by providing habitats for birds and other species, enabling them to thrive within city environments. In essence, this innovative strategy exemplifies a comprehensive solution to multiple problems, making its adoption highly beneficial and rewarding. (118 words)

In my opinion, perspective [revised for a more formal tone], the greenhouse effect is poses a significant global environmental problem.Due challenge [rephrased for clarity]. This phenomenon leads to the greenhouse effect, the rapidly increasing annual average temperature temperatures worldwide [rephrased for clarity], resulting in accelerated glacial melting and a subsequent decline in freshwater supplies [rephrased for clarity]. A novel approach to addressing this issue is raising fast globally, which has caused the glacier to melt faster and the amount implementation of freshwater supply to decrease.One innovative solution is building rooftop greenery.Building rooftop greenery has multiple benefits.First, [rephrased for clarity]. This solution offers numerous advantages; firstly, it can reduce mitigates the dramatic intense heat produced by urban area.Secondly, it can decrease the carbon emission greatly by its leaves.Last but not least. It contributes in the biodiversity generated in urban area as areas [rephrased for clarity]. Secondly, it provides substantially reduces carbon emissions through the natural process of photosynthesis [added information for better understanding]. Lastly, rooftop greenery enhances urban biodiversity by providing habitats for birds and other creatures living in cities a habitat which might help species, enabling them to settle down in the cities. All in all, thrive within city environments [rephrased for clarity]. In essence, this rooftop greenery innovative strategy exemplifies a comprehensive solution is a quintessential example of using one way to solve multiple problems. Adapting it surely will be worthwhile.problems, making its adoption highly beneficial and rewarding [rephrased for emphasis and clarity].

Display title: 8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Greenhouse effect
   1.1 Global environmental challenge
   1.2 Increasing temperatures
   1.3 Glacial melting
   1.4 Decline in freshwater supplies

2. Rooftop greenery
   2.1 Mitigates urban heat
   2.2 Reduces carbon emissions
       2.2.1 Photosynthesis
   2.3 Enhances urban biodiversity
       2.3.1 Habitats for birds and other species

3. Comprehensive solution
   3.1 Multiple benefits
   3.2 Highly beneficial and rewarding adoption 

Display title: 9 关键词