TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: You are asked to write a composition on the topic“Minimum Wage Law: Advantages and Disadvantages”.

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 2

• Organization: 3

• Coherence and Cohesion: 3

• Language Use: 2

2.Estimated Scores

• Score: 17 (out of 30)

3.Task completeness The essay does not adequately address the specific requirements of the task. The reading and listening passages are missing, which makes it difficult to assess how well the essay integrates information from both sources. To improve, ensure that you include a summary of the main points from both the reading and listening passages, and make clear connections between them.

Example 1: Instead of just stating your own opinion on the minimum wage law, mention what the reading passage argues about its advantages and disadvantages, then discuss how the listening passage supports or contradicts these points.

Example 2: Use specific examples or details from both passages to support your discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of minimum wage laws. This will demonstrate your ability to integrate information from different sources.

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it lacks clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, some paragraphs are too long and cover multiple points without proper organization. To improve:

Example 1: Divide your body paragraphs into separate sections discussing advantages and disadvantages of minimum wage laws. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point you will discuss in that paragraph.

Example 2: Use transition words or phrases to guide readers through your essay. For instance, you can use "firstly," "secondly," or "on one hand" to introduce new points in your discussion, while using "however," "on the other hand," or "in contrast" to signal a shift in perspective or counterargument.

5. Grammar

After the WW2 had come to the end ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)there was (Two consecutive spaces)a conflict between the working class and capitals emerging ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)leading to the foundation of welfare state system ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)in which the minimum wage law played ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') significant role.Nowadays Nowadays(Missing space between sentences) ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)however,as, as(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) these series of actions have been put into force for decades,more, more(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) and more voice of doubt are emerging.

On the one hand,like, like(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) Ms.Thatcher Thatcher(Missing space between sentences) once said,there, there(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)’s always a ladder of oppotunityopportunity(misspelling) ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)and the safety net for social services ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)With With(Missing space between sentences) the help of the minimum wage law,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) economic circulation could be greatly promoted and the life condition of low-wage people get significantly improved (Whitespace repetition (bad formatting)).Nevertheless Nevertheless(Missing space between sentences) ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)class controdictioncontradiction(misspelling) had been eased as well ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)By By(Missing space between sentences) putting more money in the hands of low-wage workers ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)the consumption of the whole society bloomed up.At At(Missing space between sentences) the same time,providing, providing(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) more social security to low-wage workers ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)social issues caused by low wages such as suicide ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)crime,family, family(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) abuse,etc, etc(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses).

On the other hand ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)however,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) minimum wage law definitely has increased the burden of enterprise ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)which brings more insecurities to the operation of the free market.And And(Missing space between sentences) the increase of prices for goods and services due to the execution of the minimum wage law also plays ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') negative impact on the society ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)By By(Missing space between sentences) the way ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)government’s interference in the market could also lead to inefficient allocation of labor resources,which, which(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) means the implementation of low-wage law might lose some of its core competitiveness ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)For For(Missing space between sentences) example ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)in the 1960s,there’s a stagflation in the economy of developed countries and the development of society ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)and one of the biggest causes is insufficient driving force for economic development ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)among which the implementation of national welfare policy such as the minimum wage law is a significant element ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)

From my perspective ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)everything has both sides .once put into good use,low-wage, low-wage(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) law would absolutely be operated (Two consecutive spaces)much better .let’s take our nation’s circumstances into account ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)at a time when there’s potential risksthere are potential risks(Possible agreement error 'there's' + plural noun) of economy and social environment (Two consecutive spaces)worldwide ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)setting up the low-wage becomes more essential and irresistible ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)Therefore Therefore(Missing space between sentences) ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)how to run these series of policy precisely is concerned ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)Obviously Obviously(Missing space between sentences) there’s some trouble in the law itself ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)but it would be the last way to abolish (Two consecutive spaces)the law that could have solved tons of issues ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)

Section Title: 6. Revised Essay

The end of World War II saw a conflict between the working class and capitalists, leading to the establishment of the welfare state system, in which the minimum wage law played a significant role. However, as these measures have been in place for decades, an increasing number of voices are questioning their effectiveness.

On one hand, as Ms. Thatcher once said, there is always a ladder of opportunity and a safety net for social services. The minimum wage law promotes economic circulation and significantly improves the living conditions of low-wage workers. Furthermore, it eases class contradictions by putting more money in the hands of low-wage workers, leading to increased consumption throughout society. Additionally, providing more social security to low-wage workers helps mitigate social issues caused by low wages such as suicide, crime, and family abuse.

On the other hand, the minimum wage law undeniably increases the burden on enterprises, which brings more insecurities to the operation of the free market. The rise in prices for goods and services due to the implementation of this law also has a negative impact on society. Moreover, government interference in the market can lead to inefficient allocation of labor resources, meaning that implementing a minimum wage might result in reduced competitiveness. For instance, during the 1960s stagflation in developed countries' economies and societal development was hindered by insufficient driving forces for economic growth; among these factors was national welfare policy implementation such as minimum wage laws.

From my perspective, every policy has both advantages and disadvantages; if used effectively, minimum wage laws can be operated much better. Taking our nation's circumstances into account during times when there are potential risks to both economy and social environment worldwide makes establishing a minimum wage even more essential and inevitable. Therefore, how to implement these policies precisely is crucial. While there may be some issues with the law itself, abolishing it would not be ideal since it has resolved numerous problems. (329 words)

After the WW2 had come to the The end ,there was of World War II saw a conflict between the working class and capitals emerging ,leading to the foundation of capitalists (I revised this phrase to make it clearer and more concise), leading to the establishment of the welfare state system ,in system, in which the minimum wage law played an a significant role.Nowadays ,however,as role (I corrected "an" to "a" because "significant" starts with a consonant sound). However, as these series of actions measures have been put into force for decades,more and more voice of doubt in place for decades, an increasing number of voices are emerging. questioning their effectiveness (I rephrased this sentence to make it more concise and clear).

On the one hand,like Ms.Thatcher hand, as Ms. Thatcher once said,there’s said, there is always a ladder of oppotunity ,and the opportunity and a safety net for social services .With the help of the minimum wage law,the services. The minimum wage law promotes economic circulation could (I replaced "could be greatly promoted and the life condition of low-wage people get promoted" with "promotes" to make the sentence more concise) and significantly improved .Nevertheless ,class controdiction had been eased as well .By putting more money in the hands improves the living conditions of low-wage workers ,the (I rephrased this part for clarity). Furthermore, it eases class contradictions by putting more money in the hands of low-wage workers, leading to increased consumption of the whole society bloomed up.At the same time,providing throughout society. Additionally, providing more social security to low-wage workers ,social helps mitigate social issues caused by low wages such as suicide ,crime,family abuse,etc. suicide, crime, and family abuse.

On the other hand ,however,the hand, the minimum wage law definitely has increased undeniably increases the burden of enterprise ,which on enterprises (I rephrased this part for clarity), which brings more insecurities to the operation of the free market.And the increase of market. The rise in prices for goods and services due to the execution of the minimum wage implementation of this law also plays an has a negative impact on the society .By the way ,government’s (I rephrased this sentence for clarity). Moreover, government interference in the market could also can lead to inefficient allocation of labor resources,which means the implementation of low-wage law resources, meaning that implementing a minimum wage might lose some of its core result in reduced competitiveness .For example ,in the 1960s,there’s a (I rephrased this part for clarity). For instance, during the 1960s stagflation in the economy of developed countries and the countries' economies and societal development of society ,and one of the biggest causes is was hindered by insufficient driving force forces for economic development ,among which the implementation of growth; among these factors was national welfare policy implementation such as the minimum wage law is a significant element minimum wage laws (I rephrased this sentence for clarity and conciseness).

From my perspective ,everything perspective, every policy has both sides .once put into good use,low-wage law would absolutely advantages and disadvantages; if used effectively, minimum wage laws can be operated operated much better .let’s take (I rephrased this part for clarity). Taking our nation’s nation's circumstances into account ,at a time during times when there’s there are potential risks of to both economy and social environment environment worldwide ,setting up the low-wage becomes makes establishing a minimum wage even more essential and irresistible .Therefore ,how to run inevitable (I rephrased this sentence for clarity). Therefore, how to implement these series of policy policies precisely is concerned .Obviously there’s crucial. While there may be some trouble in issues with the law itself ,but itself, abolishing it would not be the last way to abolish the law that could have solved tons of issues ideal since it has resolved numerous problems (I rephrased this sentence for clarity and conciseness).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Background: End of WWII, conflict between working class and capitalists
  - Establishment of welfare state system
  - Minimum wage law as a significant part

- Advantages of minimum wage law
  - Economic circulation improvement
  - Living conditions for low-wage workers
  - Easing class contradictions
  - Increased consumption in society
  - Mitigating social issues (suicide, crime, family abuse)

- Disadvantages of minimum wage law
  - Burden on enterprises
  - Insecurities in the free market operation
  - Rise in prices for goods and services
  - Inefficient allocation of labor resources 
  - Reduced competitiveness (1960s stagflation example)

- Conclusion 
  - Every policy has pros and cons 
  - Importance of effective implementation 
  - Taking national circumstances into account 

9. Key Words