TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample: Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan,write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response willcontain a minimum of 300 words.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 3 Organization: 3 Coherence and Cohesion: 3 Language Use: 2

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 20

3.任务完成度 你的文章基本上回答了问题，但还有一些地方需要改进。首先，尽量确保文章中的单词数量达到300字以上。其次，在论述每个观点时，要确保提供足够的细节和例证来支持你的观点。此外，尝试使用更多的连接词和短语来增强文章的连贯性。

示例1： 原文：The article mentions that Anglo-Saxons left their homelands, the original Celtic population was overwhelmed by the immigration. 改进：The article mentions that a large number of Anglo-Saxons left their homelands, causing the original Celtic population to be overwhelmed by the massive immigration.

示例2： 原文：Celtic population take the English as their own language. 改进：The Celtic population eventually adopted English, which was introduced by the Anglo-Saxons, as their own language.

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构基本清晰，但仍有改进空间。首先，在引言部分简要介绍阅读和听力材料中的主要观点，并指出它们之间存在的分歧。然后，在正文部分中详细讨论每个观点，并确保每段只关注一个具体观点及其支持细节。最后，在结论部分总结文章的主要观点，并简要重申阅读和听力材料之间的分歧。

示例1： 原文：The reading and the lecture are both about who is English people's ancestor. 改进：The reading and the lecture both discuss the ancestry of modern English people, but they present conflicting views on whether they are primarily descended from the Celts or the Anglo-Saxons.

示例2： 原文：The other areas were most controlled by Celtic. 改进：In other areas of England, genetic research has shown a much greater genetic component from the Celtic ancestors, indicating that their influence was more widespread than suggested by the reading.

5. 语法批改

The reading and the lecture are both about who is English people's ancestor. The author of the article argues that England descended mostly from the Anglo-Saxons, the lecturer disputes the claims mentioned in the article. His position is English people are not mostly from the Anglo-Saxons.

According to the reading, the scale of the Anglo-Saxon immigration was massive. The article mentions that Anglo-Saxons left their homelands, the original Celtic population was overwhelmed by the immigration. The Celtic retreat to other parts of Great Britain. This argument is challenged by the lecturer. Additionally, he points out that the population of the Celtic is much larger than immigration from Denmark and Germany. The Anglo-Saxons didn't push them out, so the most remain population was Celtic.

Secondly, the author suggests that the modern English is derived from Anglo-Saxon immigrants, not from the original Celtic inhabitants of England. The lecturer, however, asserts that the new politic group will dominant the area and replace the language. He goes on to say that European abandon their original language when they were controlled by the Roman. Celtic population take the English as their own language.

Finally, the author claims that the DNA of Celtic is similar with Anglo-Saxons who come from Denmark and Germany. He contends that their similarity confirms the theory the modern-day English people are mainly descended from Anglo-Saxons. In contrast, the lecturer argues that the number of population who were tested was small. He says that the villagers live close to the Anglo-Saxons' homeland. Their DNA can't represent the whole Great Britain. The other areas were most controlled by Celtic.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading and the lecture both discuss the ancestry of modern English people, focusing on whether they are primarily descended from the original Celts or the later Anglo-Saxons. The author of the article argues that England's population is mostly descended from the Anglo-Saxons, while the lecturer disputes this claim, asserting that English people are not predominantly of Anglo-Saxon origin.

According to the reading, the scale of Anglo-Saxon immigration was massive, causing the original Celtic population to be overwhelmed and retreat to other parts of Great Britain. The lecturer challenges this argument by pointing out that the Celtic population was much larger than that of immigrants from Denmark and Germany. Consequently, he asserts that it is unlikely that the Anglo-Saxons pushed out the Celts, and therefore, most of England's population remained Celtic.

Secondly, the author suggests that modern English is derived from the language spoken by Anglo-Saxon immigrants rather than from that of the original Celtic inhabitants of England. The lecturer counters this claim by stating that a new politically dominant group often replaces an area's language with their own. He cites how Europeans abandoned their original languages when they were under Roman control as an example. Similarly, he posits that England's majority Celtic population adopted English as their own language.

Lastly, the author claims that a genetic study found similarities between modern-day English people and those who lived in Denmark and Germany where Anglo-Saxons originated. He contends that these similarities confirm his theory about modern-day English people being mainly descended from Anglo-Saxons. In contrast, the lecturer argues that this study does not provide a complete picture since it only tested a small number of individuals living in an area close to where Anglo-Saxons came from. He emphasizes that their DNA cannot represent all of Great Britain and points out subsequent research in other areas has shown a greater genetic influence from Celtic ancestors. (316 words)

Section Title: 7. Article Revision

The reading and the lecture both discuss the ancestry of modern English people, focusing on whether they are both about who is English people's ancestor. primarily descended from the original Celts or the later Anglo-Saxons (clarified focus of discussion). The author of the article argues that England England's population is mostly descended mostly from the Anglo-Saxons, while the lecturer disputes the claims mentioned in the article. His position is this claim, asserting that English people are not mostly from the Anglo-Saxons. predominantly of Anglo-Saxon origin.

According to the reading, the scale of the Anglo-Saxon immigration was massive. The article mentions that Anglo-Saxons left their homelands, massive, causing the original Celtic population was to be overwhelmed by the immigration. The Celtic and retreat to other parts of Great Britain. This Britain (corrected grammar). The lecturer challenges this argument is challenged by the lecturer. Additionally, he points pointing out that the population of the Celtic is Celtic population was much larger than immigration that of immigrants from Denmark and Germany. The Germany (clarified comparison). Consequently, he asserts that it is unlikely that the Anglo-Saxons didn't push them out, so the pushed out the Celts, and therefore, most remain population was of England's population remained Celtic.

Secondly, the author suggests that the modern English is derived from the language spoken by Anglo-Saxon immigrants, not from immigrants rather than from that of the original Celtic inhabitants of England. England (clarified comparison). The lecturer, however, asserts that the lecturer counters this claim by stating that a new politic politically dominant group will dominant the area and replace the language. often replaces an area's language with their own (clarified reasoning). He goes on to say that European abandon cites how Europeans abandoned their original language languages when they were controlled by the Roman. Celtic population take the under Roman control as an example (provided example for clarification). Similarly, he posits that England's majority Celtic population adopted English as their own language.

Finally, Lastly, the author claims that the DNA of Celtic is similar with a genetic study found similarities between modern-day English people and those who lived in Denmark and Germany where Anglo-Saxons who come from Denmark and Germany. originated (clarified origin location). He contends that their similarity confirms the these similarities confirm his theory the about modern-day English people are being mainly descended from Anglo-Saxons. In contrast, the lecturer argues that the this study does not provide a complete picture since it only tested a small number of population who were tested was small. He says that the villagers live individuals living in an area close to the Anglo-Saxons' homeland. Their where Anglo-Saxons came from (clarified limitations of the study). He emphasizes that their DNA can't cannot represent the whole all of Great Britain. The Britain and points out subsequent research in other areas were most controlled by Celtic.has shown a greater genetic influence from Celtic ancestors (introduced additional research findings).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
    - Ancestry of modern English people
    - Reading: Anglo-Saxon descent
    - Lecture: Celtic descent

- Argument 1: Scale of Anglo-Saxon Immigration
    - Reading: Massive immigration, Celts pushed out
    - Lecture: Larger Celtic population, unlikely displacement

- Argument 2: Language Origins
    - Reading: Modern English from Anglo-Saxons
    - Lecture: Dominant group language replacement, majority Celtic population adopted English

- Argument 3: Genetic Study
    - Reading: Similarities with Denmark and Germany, supports Anglo-Saxon theory
    - Lecture: Incomplete study, small sample size, subsequent research shows greater Celtic influence

9. Keywords

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 3 Coherence and Cohesion: 3 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成方面做得相对较好，成功地概括了阅读材料和听力材料的观点，并进行了对比。但是，文章中有一些细节描述不够准确，例如，在论述现代英语来源时，将罗马帝国与英语的关系描述错误。为了提高任务完成度，建议在细节方面更加准确地表达观点，并确保例子与论点相关。

示例1： 错误：When Roman empire the Europe, the Europens still spoken English. 正确：When the Roman Empire dominated Europe, many Europeans adopted Latin, the language of the Romans.

示例2： 错误：The Celts did the same thing as the Roman. 正确：The Celts likely did the same thing by adopting the Anglo-Saxon language as their own.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。虽然文章包含了引言、正文和结论，但段落划分不够明确，部分段落缺乏中心句。此外，过渡词和短语的使用较少，导致文章在连贯性和衔接方面略显不足。建议在每个段落开头明确提出主题，并使用过渡词和短语使文章更加流畅。

示例1： 当前：Firstly, the reading contends that the scale of the Anglo-Saxon immigration was massive, so the most people in England is Anglo-Saxon. 改进：Firstly, the reading contends that due to the massive scale of Anglo-Saxon immigration, most people in England are of Anglo-Saxon descent.

示例2： 当前：Secondly, the passage argues that the modern English is derived from the language spoken by the Anglo-Saxon, this is a great evidence. 改进：Secondly, the passage argues that since modern English is derived from the language spoken by the Anglo-Saxons, it serves as strong evidence for their influence on today's population.

5. 语法批改

Both the passage and lecture are talking about the origin of the modern inhabitants of England. The reading believes that modern English people are descended mostly from the Anglo-Saxons. While in the lecture, the professor states that modern English people are descended from Celts, so it is unlikely for them that they are descended from Anglo-Saxons. Firstly, the reading contends that the scale of the Anglo-Saxon immigration was massive, so the most people in England isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") Anglo-Saxon. However, the professor disputes that it ignore the size of the capital population. Most people live in England isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") Celts before Anglo-Saxon came. Even though the population of the Anglo-Saxon was massive, it can’t be more than the population of the Celts who have already livenlivened(Agreement: 'have' + past/present tense) there. So the majortiymajority(misspelling) of the population is still Celts. Secondly, the passage argues that the modern English is derived from the language spoken by the Anglo-Saxon, this is a great evidence. Nevertheless, the listenninglistening(misspelling) refutes that this is not mean that the modern English people are descended from the Anglo-Saxon. It is because the Celts adopt the language of the Anglo-Saxon and make it become the dominant language. There comes to an example. When Roman empireRoman Empire(Checks upper/lower case spelling of some proper nouns) the Europe, the EuropensEuropeans(misspelling) still spoken English. So, the Roman adoptadopts(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) the English and make it become the dominant language. The Celts did the same thing as the Roman. Thirdly, the reading holds that some inhabitants of several villages in the east of England have identical DNA to the Anglo-Saxon. Conversely, the speaker points out that it does not give a complete picture. The study just focuses on one small area, which means that the people who live in there are descended from Anglo-Saxon. But it does not mean that the most people of the modern English are descended from Anglo-Saxon. People should do the overall country to draw a conclusion instead of focusing on a small area.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The passage and lecture discuss the origins of modern inhabitants of England. The reading posits that the majority of modern English people are descended from the Anglo-Saxons, while the lecture contends that they are more likely descended from the original Celtic population.

Firstly, the passage asserts that the massive scale of Anglo-Saxon immigration led to a predominantly Anglo-Saxon population in England. However, the professor argues that this perspective overlooks the size of the existing Celtic population. Although the number of Anglo-Saxon immigrants was substantial, it could not have exceeded the pre-existing Celtic population. Thus, it is more plausible that the majority of England's inhabitants remained Celtic.

Secondly, while the passage cites modern English language's derivation from Anglo-Saxon as evidence for their ancestry, the lecture counters this argument by stating that linguistic adoption does not necessarily indicate descent. The professor explains that original populations often adopt languages introduced by politically dominant groups. For instance, during Roman rule in Europe, many Europeans abandoned their native languages in favor of Latin. Similarly, it is probable that Celts adopted Anglo-Saxon as their primary language without being directly descended from them.

Lastly, although genetic research mentioned in the passage found similarities between inhabitants of several eastern English villages and those from Denmark and Germany (where Anglo-Saxons originated), this evidence is insufficient to draw a comprehensive conclusion about England's entire population. The professor highlights that these findings only pertain to a small area geographically closest to Anglo-Saxon homelands and therefore most likely influenced by their migration. Further genetic research conducted in other parts of England has revealed a stronger connection to Celtic ancestry.

In light of these counterarguments presented by the lecture, it becomes evident that claiming modern English people are primarily descended from Anglo-Saxons is an oversimplification; rather, there is substantial evidence supporting a significant influence from both Celtic and Anglo-Saxon origins. (310 words)

Both the The passage and lecture are talking about the origin of the discuss the origins of modern inhabitants of England. The reading believes that posits that the majority of modern English people are descended mostly from the Anglo-Saxons. While in from the Anglo-Saxons, while the lecture contends that they are more likely descended from the original Celtic population (the lecture provides a different perspective on the ancestry of modern English people).

Firstly, the passage asserts that the massive scale of Anglo-Saxon immigration led to a predominantly Anglo-Saxon population in England. However, the professor argues that this perspective overlooks the size of the existing Celtic population (the professor brings up an important point about considering pre-existing populations). Although the number of Anglo-Saxon immigrants was substantial, it could not have exceeded the pre-existing Celtic population. Thus, it is more plausible that the majority of England's inhabitants remained Celtic (this point supports the lecture's argument about Celtic ancestry).

Secondly, while the passage cites modern English language's derivation from Anglo-Saxon as evidence for their ancestry, the lecture counters this argument by stating that linguistic adoption does not necessarily indicate descent (the lecture introduces an alternative explanation for language similarities). The professor explains that original populations often adopt languages introduced by politically dominant groups. For instance, during Roman rule in Europe, many Europeans abandoned their native languages in favor of Latin. Similarly, it is probable that Celts adopted Anglo-Saxon as their primary language without being directly descended from them (this example further supports the lecture's argument).

Lastly, although genetic research mentioned in the passage found similarities between inhabitants of several eastern English villages and those from Denmark and Germany (where Anglo-Saxons originated), this evidence is insufficient to draw a comprehensive conclusion about England's entire population (the professor points out limitations in using genetic research to support ancestry claims). The professor highlights that these findings only pertain to a small area geographically closest to Anglo-Saxon homelands and therefore most likely influenced by their migration. Further genetic research conducted in other parts of England has revealed a stronger connection to Celtic ancestry (this point supports the lecture's argument about the importance of considering a broader geographical scope).

In light of these counterarguments presented by the lecture, the professor states that it becomes evident that claiming modern English people are primarily descended from Celts, so it Anglo-Saxons is unlikely for them that they are descended from Anglo-Saxons. ¶ Firstly, the reading contends that the scale of the Anglo-Saxon immigration was massive, so the most people in England an oversimplification; rather, there is Anglo-Saxon. However, the professor disputes that it ignore the size of the capital population. Most people live in England is Celts before Anglo-Saxon came. Even though the population of the Anglo-Saxon was massive, it can’t be more than the population of the Celts who have already liven there. So the majortiy of the population is still Celts. ¶ Secondly, the passage argues that the modern English is derived from the language spoken by the Anglo-Saxon, this is a great evidence. Nevertheless, the listenning refutes that this is not mean that the modern English people are descended from the Anglo-Saxon. It is because the Celts adopt the language of the Anglo-Saxon and make it become the dominant language. There comes to an example. When Roman empire the Europe, the Europens still spoken English. So, the Roman adopt the English and make it become the dominant language. The Celts did the same thing as the Roman. ¶ Thirdly, the reading holds that some inhabitants of several villages in the east of England have identical DNA to the Anglo-Saxon. Conversely, the speaker points out that it does not give a complete picture. The study just focuses on one small area, which means that the people who live in there are descended from Anglo-Saxon. But it does not mean that the most people of the modern English are descended from Anglo-Saxon. People should do the overall country to draw a conclusion instead of focusing on a small area.substantial evidence supporting a significant influence from both Celtic and Anglo-Saxon origins (the revised essay acknowledges the complexity of ancestry and the influence of multiple factors).

8. Mind Map

9. Keywords

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现得相当不错。你成功地概述了阅读材料和听力材料中的观点，并对它们进行了比较。然而，为了进一步提高任务完成度，建议你更详细地讨论听力材料中的反驳观点，并在文章中加入更多具体的例子和细节。

示例1： 原文：He elaborated on it by explaining if there were some new immigrations populating a place, the local population may adopt a new language and abandon their own language; therefore, the original Celts may also adopt the language spoken by Anglo-Saxons. 改进：The professor provided an example of how the Roman Empire once dominated southern Europe politically, leading many nations to abandon their original languages and adopt Latin. This suggests that the Celts in England could have similarly adopted the Anglo-Saxon language due to political reasons, rather than being replaced by them.

示例2： 原文：To explore deeper, he says that genetic influence on nearby areas can be at a high level; therefore, there might be genetic similarity between English and people from other places. 改进：The professor argues that since the sampled area is geographically closest to the Anglo-Saxon homelands, it is natural for it to have a higher genetic influence from them. However, this does not necessarily represent the entire population of England, as subsequent research in other areas has shown a greater genetic component from the Celtic ancestors.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面做得很好，有明确的引言、主体和结论。每段都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。然而，为了进一步提高文章的组织和连贯性，建议你在段落之间使用更多的过渡词或短语来帮助读者更容易地理解你的观点。

示例1： 原文：Firstly, the author claims as some sources records that a great quantities of Anglo-Saxons who had immigrated to England led to retreatment of original Celts in Britain. 改进：To begin with, the author claims that according to some historical sources, the massive immigration of Anglo-Saxons to England caused the original Celts to retreat further into Britain.

示例2： 原文：Moreover, the professor challenges the argument in the passage that the origin of modern English language... 改进：Furthermore, the professor disputes the passage's argument regarding the origin of modern English language by stating that...

5. 语法批改

Both the author of the passage and the professor focus the issue that whether the original Celts or the later Anglo-Saxons are the ancestors of the most modern England. In the passage, three evidences, including the massive scale of the Anglo-Saxons immigration, the origin of modern English language, and genetic evidences, are elaborated. However, the professor reputes all these statements.

Firstly, the author claims as some sources records that a great quantitiesa great quantity(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) of Anglo-Saxons who had immigrated to England led to retreatmentpretreatment(misspelling) of original Celts in Britain. Nevertheless, the professor states that it can not be a convincing evidence. In detail, he emphasizes that the resources ignored the culticCeltic(misspelling) populationpopulation,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which was larger than the scale of the migrations.

Moreover, the professor challenges the argument in the passage that the origin of modern English language, which is the languages used by the Anglo-Saxons rather than Celtic inhabitants, suggests modern English are descendants of Anglo-Saxons. He argues that it is not enough to confirm the origin of modern English just by such fact. He elaborated on it by explaining if there were some new immigrations populating a place, the local population may adopt a new language and abandon their own language; therefore, the original Celts may also adopt the language spoken by Anglo-Saxons.

Finally, contrary to the argument in the passage that the similarity of DNA between villagers living in eastern England and the people living where the Anglo-Saxons originated confirms that modern English are the descendants of Anglo-Saxons, the professor contends that incomplete genetic picture would make us ignore relationships between some areas close to each other. To explore deeper, he says that genetic influence on nearby areas can be at a high level; therefore, there might be genetic similarity between English and people from other places.

An apparent discrepancy between the author and the professor regarding whether the evidences can suggest most modern English people are descendants of Anglo-Saxons.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Both the author of the passage and the professor focus on the issue of whether the original Celts or the later Anglo-Saxons are the ancestors of most modern English people. In the passage, three pieces of evidence, including the massive scale of Anglo-Saxon immigration, the origin of modern English language, and genetic evidence, are elaborated. However, the professor refutes all these statements.

Firstly, the author claims that some sources record a large number of Anglo-Saxons immigrating to England, leading to the retreat of original Celts in Britain. Nevertheless, the professor states that this cannot be convincing evidence. In detail, he emphasizes that these sources ignored the Celtic population which was larger than that of migrating Anglo-Saxons.

Moreover, the professor challenges the argument in the passage that suggests modern English people are descendants of Anglo-Saxons due to their language's origin being from that spoken by Anglo-Saxons rather than Celtic inhabitants. He argues that it is not enough to confirm modern English people's ancestry just by this fact alone. He elaborates on this by explaining that if new immigrants populate a place, local populations may adopt a new language and abandon their own; therefore, it is possible that original Celts adopted Anglo-Saxon language as well.

Finally, contrary to the argument in the passage stating that genetic similarity between villagers living in eastern England and people living where Anglo-Saxons originated confirms modern English people's descent from them, the professor contends that an incomplete genetic picture could lead us to overlook relationships between geographically close areas. To explore deeper, he says high levels of genetic influence can occur between nearby areas; therefore, there might be genetic similarities between English people and those from other places.

An apparent discrepancy exists between both perspectives regarding whether evidence can suggest most modern English people are descendants of Anglo-Saxons or not. (306 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7.文章批改

Both the author of the passage and the professor focus on the issue that of whether the original Celts or the later Anglo-Saxons are the ancestors of the most modern England. English people (changed "England" to "English people" for clarity). In the passage, three evidences, pieces of evidence (changed "evidences" to "pieces of evidence" for proper grammar), including the massive scale of the Anglo-Saxons Anglo-Saxon immigration, the origin of modern English language, and genetic evidences, evidence, are elaborated. However, the professor reputes refutes all these statements.

Firstly, the author claims as that some sources records that record a great quantities of Anglo-Saxons who had immigrated to England led to retreatment large number (changed "quantities" to "number" for better word choice) of Anglo-Saxons immigrating to England, leading to the retreat of original Celts in Britain. Nevertheless, the professor states that it can not this cannot be a convincing evidence. In detail, he emphasizes that the resources these sources ignored the cultic Celtic population which was larger than the scale of the migrations. that of migrating Anglo-Saxons.

Moreover, the professor challenges the argument in the passage that the suggests modern English people are descendants of Anglo-Saxons due to their language's origin of modern English language, which is the languages used being from that spoken by the Anglo-Saxons rather than Celtic inhabitants, suggests modern English are descendants of Anglo-Saxons. inhabitants. He argues that it is not enough to confirm the origin of modern English modern English people's ancestry just by such fact. this fact alone (added "alone" for emphasis). He elaborated elaborates on it this by explaining that if there were some new immigrations populating immigrants populate a place, the local population populations may adopt a new language and abandon their own language; own; therefore, the it is possible that original Celts may also adopt the adopted Anglo-Saxon language spoken by Anglo-Saxons. as well.

Finally, contrary to the argument in the passage that the stating that genetic similarity of DNA between villagers living in eastern England and the people living where the Anglo-Saxons originated confirms that modern English are the descendants of Anglo-Saxons, modern English people's descent from them, the professor contends that an incomplete genetic picture would make could lead us ignore to overlook relationships between some areas geographically close to each other. areas. To explore deeper, he says that high levels of genetic influence on can occur between nearby areas can be at a high level; areas; therefore, there might be genetic similarity between English and people similarities between English people and those from other places.

An apparent discrepancy between the author and the professor exists between both perspectives regarding whether the evidences evidence can suggest most modern English people are descendants of Anglo-Saxons.Anglo-Saxons or not (rephrased for better clarity).

8. Mind Map

9. Keywords