TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on ecology. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了教授的问题，并提出了有力的观点。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体地说明如何解决人类需求与保护濒危动物之间的矛盾。

2. 在文章中加入更多论据和例子来支持观点。

示例1：为了保护濒危动物，我们可以采取措施限制人类对土地的过度开发，例如实施严格的土地使用政策和推广可持续发展项目。

示例2：我们还可以通过国际合作，共同努力保护濒危动物及其栖息地，例如建立跨国自然保护区。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在以下方面可以进行改进：

1. 在引言部分更明确地陈述自己的观点。

2. 在正文中使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同段落和观点。

示例1：在引言部分加入这样的句子：“在我看来，尽管满足人类需求至关重要，但保护濒危动物及其栖息地对于地球的生态平衡和可持续发展更为关键。”

示例2：在正文中使用过渡词，如“此外”、“然而”或“因此”，来更清晰地连接不同观点。例如：“此外，濒危动物的灭绝可能会对整个生态系统造成不可逆转的破坏，从而影响到其他生物甚至人类。”

5. 语法批改

Admittedly, Claire rightly highlights the importance of using land for human needs because humans have the ability to make decisions, and nobody wants to see others sleeping in the street. However, I firmly contend that saving land for endangered animals is of huge significance. Humans are not the sole creatures that live on the earth, animals also own their right to enjoy the land. We should not obtain our happiness over the pain of other creatures. More efficient methods can be developed to solve the issue, and countries should work together to develop advanced technologies and increase the usage of some lands. For example, for some buildings with only several floors, governments can reconstruct them into higher buildings which can provide space for more humans to live in, increasing the utilization rate of the houses. Moreover, the extinction of some animals might cause irreversible damage to the ecological system, putting other animals in the same mechanism into a dangerous situation, which may finally impact humans a lot. Therefore, more organized urban land planning is extremely urgent.

Section Title: Balancing Land Use for Humans and Endangered Animals

While Claire raises a valid point regarding the necessity of land for human needs, given our ability to make rational decisions and the rapidly growing population, I firmly believe that preserving land for endangered animals is of paramount importance. Humans are not the only inhabitants of this planet; animals also have a right to coexist and thrive. We must not prioritize our well-being at the expense of other creatures. Instead, we should explore more efficient solutions to address this issue, such as collaborative efforts among nations to develop advanced technologies and optimize land use.

For instance, governments could consider reconstructing low-rise buildings into taller structures, thereby increasing housing capacity without expanding their footprint. This approach would enhance land utilization while minimizing encroachment on natural habitats. Furthermore, the extinction of certain species can have irreversible consequences on ecosystems, endangering other organisms within the same food chain and ultimately affecting humans as well. As such, implementing more organized urban planning strategies is crucial in striking a balance between meeting human needs and preserving land for endangered animals. (185 words)

Admittedly, Section Title: Balancing Land Use for Humans and Endangered Animals

While Claire rightly highlights the importance of using raises a valid point (revised for clarity) regarding the necessity of land for human needs because humans have the needs, given our ability to make decisions, and nobody wants to see others sleeping in the street. However, rational decisions and the rapidly growing population, I firmly contend believe that saving preserving land for endangered animals is of huge significance. paramount importance (revised for emphasis). Humans are not the sole creatures that live on the earth, only inhabitants of this planet; animals also own their have a right to enjoy the land. coexist and thrive (revised for clarity). We must not prioritize our well-being at the expense of other creatures (revised for conciseness). Instead, we should not obtain our happiness over the pain of other creatures. More explore more efficient methods can be developed to solve the solutions to address this issue, and countries should work together such as collaborative efforts among nations to develop advanced technologies and increase the usage of some lands. optimize land use (revised for clarity).

For example, for some instance, governments could consider reconstructing low-rise buildings with only several floors, governments into taller structures, thereby increasing housing capacity without expanding their footprint (revised for clarity). This approach would enhance land utilization while minimizing encroachment on natural habitats (revised for conciseness). Furthermore, the extinction of certain species can reconstruct them into higher buildings which can provide space for more have irreversible consequences on ecosystems, endangering other organisms within the same food chain and ultimately affecting humans to live in, increasing the utilization rate of the houses. Moreover, the extinction of some animals might cause irreversible damage to the ecological system, putting other animals in the same mechanism into a dangerous situation, which may finally impact humans a lot. Therefore, as well (revised for clarity). As such, implementing more organized urban land planning strategies is extremely urgent.crucial in striking a balance between meeting human needs and preserving land for endangered animals (revised for conciseness).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction

   • Human needs vs. endangered animals
   • Importance of preserving land for animals

2. Rational decisions and population growth

   • Collaborative efforts among nations
   • Advanced technologies and optimized land use

3. Efficient solutions

   • Reconstructing low-rise buildings into taller structures
   • Enhancing land utilization without expanding footprint

4. Consequences of extinction

   • Irreversible effects on ecosystems
   • Endangering other organisms within the same food chain

5. Organized urban planning strategies

   • Balancing human needs and animal preservation

6. Conclusion

Title: 9 关键词