TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Wring a post responding to the professor's question

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章很好地回答了教授的问题，并且提出了合理的观点。然而，为了进一步提高文章质量，我建议：

1. 在论述观点时，可以加入更多具体的例子和数据来支持你的观点。

2. 注意语言表达上的准确性，避免出现语法错误和不自然的表达。

示例1（在论述观点时加入具体例子）： 原文：Aiming at earning a great amount of profits resulted from customers' approval, airline accompanies insist their original ways to run their business, maintaining their existed airlines and on-going technology and ignoring the devastation of the environment. 修改后：Aiming at earning a great amount of profits resulted from customers' approval, airline companies insist on their original ways to run their business, such as using older aircraft models with higher emissions, and ignoring the devastation of the environment.

示例2（改进语言表达）： 原文：It is reasonable and rational for the authority to implement environmental tax on air travel considering the benefits to the environment. 修改后：Considering the benefits to the environment, it is reasonable and rational for authorities to implement an environmental tax on air travel.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，为了使文章更加清晰和有条理，我建议：

1. 在引言部分明确提出你的观点，让读者一开始就知道你的立场。

2. 在正文部分，尽量将每个段落聚焦在一个具体的论点上，并使用恰当的过渡词汇连接各个段落。

示例1（明确提出观点）： 原文：While I can see Clarie's point of view that imposing taxes on air travel have little impact on the protection of environment, I agree with Andrew's perspective that it is necessary to implement air taxes to preserve the environment. 修改后：In this essay, I will argue in favor of Andrew's perspective that implementing environmental taxes on air travel is necessary to preserve the environment, despite Claire's concerns about its effectiveness.

示例2（使用过渡词汇连接段落）： 原文：As mentioned by Andrew, once the price of airplane increases, customer would be more likely to turn to other alternative transportations which are more environmental friendly and less expensive... 修改后：Firstly, as mentioned by Andrew, once the price of airplane tickets increases due to environmental taxes, customers would be more likely to turn to other alternative transportations which are more environmentally friendly and less expensive...

5. 语法批改

While I can see Clarie'sClaire's point of view that imposing taxes on air travel havehas little impact on the protection of environment, I agree with Andrew's perspective that it is necessary to implement air taxes to preserve the environment. As mentioned by Andrew, once the price of airplane increases, customercustomers would be more likely to turn to other alternative transportations whichthat are more environmentalenvironmentally friendly and less expensive, such as choosing electricalelectric vehicles or high-speed train,trains, thus reducing the exhausts emitted by the air plane.airplanes. Apart from what Andrew has said, I add that customers' choice playschoices play an important role in those airline companies' behaviors. Aiming at earningto earn a great amount of profits resultedresulting from customers' approval, airline accompaniescompanies insist their original ways to run their business, maintaining their existedexisting airlines and on-goingongoing technology and ignoring the devastation of the environment. If customers choose other eco-friendly transportation ways, under no circumstance could airline companies continue their original business without researching new technology, such as using clearclean energy, to reduce pollutants created by their business. It is reasonable and rational for the authority to implement environmental tax on air travel considering the benefits to the environmentenvironment.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, while I understand Claire's concern that imposing taxes on air travel may not directly incentivize airlines to become more environmentally friendly, I concur with Andrew's assertion that implementing environmental taxes is a necessary measure for preserving our environment. As Andrew pointed out, an increase in airfare would likely encourage customers to seek alternative, eco-friendly, and cost-effective modes of transportation, such as electric vehicles or high-speed trains. This shift in consumer behavior would subsequently reduce the emissions produced by airplanes.

Furthermore, I contend that customer choices significantly influence airline companies' practices. Driven by the pursuit of profit and customer satisfaction, these companies tend to maintain their existing fleets and technologies while overlooking the detrimental impact on the environment. However, if consumers opt for greener transportation methods, airlines will be compelled to adapt their business models and invest in innovative technologies—such as clean energy sources—to minimize pollution generated by their operations. Therefore, it is both reasonable and prudent for authorities to implement an environmental tax on air travel given its potential benefits for our planet. (182 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

While I can see Clarie's Claire's point of view (revised for clarity) that imposing taxes on air travel may have little impact on the protection of environment, environmental protection, I agree with Andrew's perspective (revised for consistency) that it is necessary to implement air taxes to preserve the environment. As mentioned by Andrew, once the price of airplane increases, customer tickets increases (revised for clarity), customers would be more likely to turn to other alternative transportations which are more environmental environmentally friendly and less expensive, such as choosing electrical electric vehicles or high-speed train, trains, thus reducing the exhausts emitted by the air plane. exhaust emissions (revised for accuracy) from airplanes.

Apart from what Andrew has said, I would add (revised for clarity) that customers' choice plays choices play an important role in those influencing airline companies' behaviors. Aiming at earning a great amount of profits resulted resulting from customers' approval, customer satisfaction (revised for clarity), airline accompanies insist companies maintain their original ways to run their business, maintaining their existed airlines existing fleets and on-going technology and technologies (revised for accuracy), ignoring the devastation of the environment. If customers choose other eco-friendly transportation ways, methods, under no circumstance could airline companies continue their original business without researching new technology, such as using clear energy, clean energy (revised for accuracy), to reduce pollutants created by their business. operations. It is reasonable and rational for the authority authorities to implement an environmental tax on air travel considering the benefits to the environmentenvironment (revised for clarity).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Environmental taxes
   - Air travel impact on environment

2. Alternative modes of transportation
   - Electric vehicles
   - High-speed trains

3. Consumer behavior influence on airlines
   - Profit-driven companies
   - Customer satisfaction

4. Airlines adapting business models
   - Investment in innovative technologies
   - Clean energy sources to minimize pollution

5. Conclusion
   - Importance of environmental tax implementation for air travel 

Title: 9 关键词