TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: which is the best character in one person?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 2.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 2.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2. 预估分数

• 14

3. 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章并没有很好地回答问题。文章的主题词并没有明确指出哪个角色是最好的，而且文章中有很多重复的部分。建议在修改文章时，首先明确回答问题，然后围绕这个问题展开论述。

改进示例1（英文）: Instead of using "主题词" repeatedly, clearly state the character's name and explain why they are the best character in the story.

改进示例2（英文）: Provide specific examples from the story to support your argument about why this character is the best.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章缺乏清晰的结构。建议将文章分为引言、正文和结论三个部分，并在每个段落中明确讨论一个观点。同时，在段落之间使用过渡词或短语来增强逻辑性。

改进示例1（英文）: In the introduction, clearly state your main argument about which character is the best. For example, "In this essay, I will argue that Character A is the best character in the story because of their unique qualities and contributions to the plot."

改进示例2（英文）: Use transition words or phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. For example, "Firstly, Character A demonstrates exceptional bravery throughout the story. Secondly, their intelligence plays a crucial role in solving the main conflict."

5. 语法批改

As the first picture depicts，indepicting(misspelling) the sunshine stands a beautiful girl,who, who(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) is delighted and wears a traditional Chinese costume.The The(Missing space between sentences) other person/In the second cartoon, meanwhile/on the contrary.Above Above(Missing space between sentences)/Below the drawing/drawings is a caption which reads:“…”.Evidently Evidently(Missing space between sentences),the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) intention of this picture/these pictures is to underline that 主题词 is of great importance in current society. As a result of the increasing development of the society,more, more(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) attention is focused on 主题词.Primarily Primarily(Missing space between sentences),主题词, 主题词(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) is isis(Word repetition (e.g. 'will will')) beneficial to broaden our mind and enrich our life experience.Furthermore Furthermore(Missing space between sentences),主题词, 主题词(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) will help us achieve great ambitions.Da Da(Missing space between sentences) Vinci,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) wellknownwell-known(misspelling) artist possessing 主题词，created[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) lots of brilliant artworks during his lifetime.In In(Missing space between sentences) addition,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) helicopter,a, a(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) vehicle which had not existexisted(Agreement: 'have' + past/present tense) before his age,was, was(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) invented by him as well.Without Without(Missing space between sentences) 主题词，he[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) could not have accomplished such excellent achievements.Moreover Moreover(Missing space between sentences),主题词, 主题词(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) always brings a positive environment.Therefore Therefore(Missing space between sentences),only, only(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) if a person does his best with 主题词 firmly,would, would(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) he fulfill his ideal. In conclusion,主题词, 主题词(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) is crucial for not only individual but the society.For For(Missing space between sentences) folks,keeping, keeping(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) 主题词 is indispensable,no, no(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) matter how many obstructions they will encounter in the future.Besides Besides(Missing space between sentences),it, it(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) is beneficial to advocate 主题词 by the media.Additionally Additionally(Missing space between sentences),主题词, 主题词(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) is essential/encouraging for the government to build a

Title: 6 文章修订

The first illustration portrays a radiant young woman, donning a traditional Chinese outfit, standing in the sunlight with an expression of delight. Contrarily, the second image features another individual in a different context. A caption above the illustrations reads: "…". Clearly, the purpose of these images is to emphasize the significance of 主题词 in contemporary society.

As society continues to evolve and progress, 主题词 garners increasing attention due to its various benefits. Firstly, 主题词 plays a pivotal role in broadening our perspectives and enriching our life experiences. Additionally, it serves as a catalyst for achieving remarkable ambitions. For instance, Leonardo da Vinci - an eminent artist who possessed 主题词 - produced numerous exceptional artworks throughout his life. Furthermore, he invented the helicopter, a vehicle that did not exist during his time. Without 主题词, such outstanding accomplishments would have been unattainable.

Moreover, 主题词 fosters a positive environment and encourages individuals to strive for excellence with unwavering determination. By embracing 主题词 wholeheartedly, one can ultimately realize their aspirations.

Undoubtedly, 主题词 holds immense importance not only for individuals but also for society as a whole. It is essential for people to maintain 主题词 despite any obstacles they may face in the future. Additionally, promoting 主题词 through media platforms can be advantageous. Furthermore, incorporating 主题词 into governmental policies and initiatives can foster an encouraging atmosphere for growth and development. (228 words)

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addition,the helicopter,a vehicle which had not exist before his age,was invented by him Moreover, 主题词 fosters a positive environment and encourages individuals to strive for excellence with unwavering determination (revised for clarity). By embracing 主题词 wholeheartedly, one can ultimately realize their aspirations.

as well.Without 主题词，he could not have accomplished such excellent ¶ achievements.Moreover,主题词 always brings a positive environment.Therefore,only if a ¶ person does his best with 主题词 firmly,would he fulfill his ideal. ¶ In conclusion,主题词 is crucial for Undoubtedly, 主题词 holds immense importance not only individual for individuals but the society.For folks,keeping ¶ 主题词 also for society as a whole (revised for natural tone). It is indispensable,no matter how many obstructions essential for people to maintain 主题词 despite any obstacles they will encounter in the ¶ future.Besides,it is beneficial to advocate 主题词 by the media.Additionally,主题词 is ¶ essential/encouraging for the government to build amay face in the future. Additionally, promoting 主题词 through media platforms can be advantageous (revised for clarity). Furthermore, incorporating 主题词 into governmental policies and initiatives can foster an encouraging atmosphere for growth and development (revised for natural tone).

8 思维导图

- 主题词
    - 社会进步
        - 不断发展
        - 变化中的社会
    - 个人成就
        - 艺术家 (例：达芬奇)
        - 发明家 (例：直升机)
    - 生活体验
        - 拓宽视野
        - 丰富经历
    - 积极环境
        - 鼓励追求卓越
        - 坚定决心
    - 实现抱负
        - 全心投入主题词
    - 社会影响
        - 媒体宣传主题词的重要性
        - 政府政策和倡议中的主题词推广 

9 关键词