TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: whether movies and television have more negative than positive effects on young people behave

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章在论述电影和电视对年轻人的积极影响方面做得不错。但是，文章没有涉及到负面影响，这使得讨论显得不够全面。建议在文章中加入一段关于电影和电视可能带来的负面影响的讨论，以使文章更加完整。

Example 1: You could add a paragraph discussing the potential negative effects of movies and television on young people, such as exposure to violence or inappropriate content.

Example 2: You might also consider mentioning how excessive screen time can lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which could have negative health consequences for young people.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章有明确的结构，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间缺乏清晰的过渡，并且部分观点需要更详细的阐述。建议加强段落之间的过渡，并在正文部分提供更多具体例子以支持观点。

Example 1: To improve transitions between paragraphs, you could use phrases like "In addition," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" to connect your ideas more smoothly.

Example 2: To provide more detailed elaboration, you could include specific examples of movies or television shows that promote positive moral values and explain how they do so.

5. 语法批改

The issue regarding whether movies and television have more negative than positive effects on young people behave has provoked debate. From my perspective, movies and television have more positive effects on young people.

Watching movies and television enables young people to learn more positive moral values. Although watching movies and television is able to damage physical health like nearsightedness and obesity, it is object that limiting movies and television is good for children’s health without any doubt. Under this condition, it is watching movies and television that can help young people learn more positive moral values. To be more specific, when watching movies and television that the contendto contend(a infinitive) is positive and engaging, which the child will see the protagonist in the face of difficult things still insist on not giving up, which can let the child learn this spirit. What’s more, watching movies and television helps children distinguish between good and evil. Therefore, this will lead to a favorable consequence that children are able to learn more positive moral values.

To conclude, never should we ignore the importance of watching movies and television enables children to learn more positive moral values.

Title: 6 文章修订

The debate concerning whether movies and television have more negative than positive effects on young people's behavior has garnered significant attention. In my opinion, movies and television predominantly exert positive influences on young individuals.

One notable advantage of watching movies and television is the opportunity for young people to acquire positive moral values. While it is true that excessive screen time can contribute to health issues such as nearsightedness and obesity, it cannot be denied that consuming media in moderation can be beneficial for children's moral development. Specifically, when exposed to content that is both positive and engaging, young viewers can observe protagonists persevering in the face of adversity, thereby instilling a similar spirit within themselves. Furthermore, movies and television can aid children in discerning between right and wrong, ultimately guiding them towards adopting more positive moral values.

In essence, the significance of movies and television as tools for teaching children valuable life lessons should not be underestimated. By fostering a better understanding of moral values through engaging content, these forms of media can play a crucial role in shaping the character of young individuals. (188 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

The issue debate regarding whether movies and television have more negative than positive effects on young people behave people's behavior has provoked debate. much discussion. From my perspective, movies and television predominantly have more positive effects on young people. individuals.

Watching movies and television enables young people to learn more positive moral values. Although watching movies and television is able it is true that excessive screen time can lead to damage physical health issues like nearsightedness and obesity, obesity (reason: clarifying the potential negative consequences), it is object undeniable that limiting movies and television is good consuming media in moderation is beneficial for children’s health without any doubt. children's moral development (reason: emphasizing the importance of balance). Under this condition, it is these conditions, watching movies and television that can help young people learn acquire more positive moral values. To be more specific, when watching movies and television exposed to content that the contend is is both positive and engaging, which the child will see the protagonist children can observe protagonists persevering in the face of difficult things still insist on not giving up, which can let the child learn this spirit. What’s more, adversity, thereby instilling a similar spirit within themselves (reason: providing a concrete example). Moreover, watching movies and television helps children distinguish between good and evil. Therefore, this will lead to a favorable consequence that children are able to learn evil (reason: adding another benefit), ultimately guiding them towards adopting more positive moral values.

To conclude, never In conclusion, we should we ignore not underestimate the importance of watching movies and television enables as a means for teaching children to learn more positive moral values.valuable life lessons (reason: restating the main argument). By fostering a better understanding of moral values through engaging content, these forms of media can play a crucial role in shaping the character of young individuals.

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - 电影和电视对青少年行为的影响
   - 正面影响为主

2. 正面道德价值的传播
   - 适度观看有益于道德发展
   - 观察正面角色克服困难的过程

3. 辨别是非能力的培养
   - 通过观看电影和电视学会分辨对错
   - 培养更积极的道德价值观

4. 结论
   - 电影和电视作为教育工具的重要性不容忽视
   - 对青少年品格塑造具有关键作用

9 关键词