TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: When people buy things, some choose to ask friends and family for advice, while others search for information online.

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 24

3. Task completeness:

The essay does a good job of addressing the task by presenting a clear viewpoint in favor of searching for information online. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, the essay should focus more on comparing both options rather than just supporting one side.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include more specific examples to support your argument.

• Discuss the opposing viewpoint in more detail, addressing its merits and drawbacks.

• Focus on comparing both options rather than just supporting one side.

Examples:

1. "When I needed to buy a new laptop, I asked my friends for advice, but their suggestions were based on their personal preferences rather than my specific needs. By searching online, I was able to find reviews from people with similar requirements, which helped me make a better-informed decision."

2. "While friends and family may know us well, they might not have experience with every product we are interested in purchasing. Online research allows us to access a wider range of opinions from people who have firsthand experience with the products we are considering."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by organizing the body paragraphs more effectively and using clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Organize body paragraphs to focus on specific points of comparison between asking friends/family for advice and searching online.

• Use clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Examples:

1. "On one hand, asking friends and family for advice can be helpful because they know our preferences well; however, this approach may not always provide us with accurate information about the product we are considering."

2. "In contrast, searching for information online allows us to access a wider range of opinions and reviews from people who have firsthand experience with the products we are interested in, providing us with a more comprehensive understanding of our options."

5. 语法批改

Shopping is nowadays a (Two consecutive spaces)significant component of people’s daily life. Some people like Claire claim that it’s better to search for information online because this way is more efficient and costs less time. I strongly advocate this statement, recalling some of my personal shopping experiences. When I demanded an iPad for study and work, I initially found it hard to decide which one to buy. However, I later searched the relevant information on YouTube and eventually picked one due to YouTubers' suggestions. The whole process cost me less than 10 minutes, which saved me a lot of time. Apart from Claire’s opinion, I also believe that searching online can provide us with a more comprehensive picture of certain products. For instance, Whilewhile(Checks wrong uppercase spelling of words that are not proper nouns) searching for information on iPad selection, I read numerous comments on different products; those authentic comments made by previous consumers offer me a deeper insight, allowing me to choose the most appropriate products for me. As for those people who suggest that asking families and friends for help is a better idea, I may doubt that families and friends know us better. In psychology, “us” in others’ perspectives are various because all of our personalities are processed by perceptions, which may not reflect our own true identity.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Shopping has become an integral part of people's daily lives. Some individuals, like Claire, argue that searching for information online is a more efficient and time-saving approach. I wholeheartedly support this assertion, drawing from my personal shopping experiences. When I needed an iPad for study and work purposes, I initially struggled to decide which model to purchase. However, after conducting research on YouTube and considering YouTubers' recommendations, I made a decision within 10 minutes, saving me considerable time. In addition to Claire's viewpoint, I also believe that online research offers a more comprehensive understanding of specific products. For example, while investigating iPad options, I read numerous reviews from previous customers; these genuine testimonials provided valuable insights that helped me select the most suitable product.

On the other hand, some people contend that seeking advice from friends and family is preferable because they know us better. However, I question the validity of this claim as our loved ones' perception of us may not accurately reflect our true selves. In psychology, it is recognized that "us" in others' perspectives can vary greatly due to the influence of individual perceptions on our personalities. Consequently, relying solely on friends and family for purchasing advice may not always yield the best results tailored to our unique needs and preferences. (219 words)

Shopping is nowadays a significant component of people’s has become an integral part of people's daily life. lives (revised for a more natural tone). Some people individuals, like Claire claim that it’s better to search Claire, argue that searching for information online because this way is a more efficient and costs less time. I strongly advocate time-saving approach (rephrased for clarity). I wholeheartedly support this statement, recalling some of assertion, drawing from my personal shopping experiences. experiences (revised to maintain the natural tone of English). When I demanded needed an iPad for study and work, work purposes, I initially found it hard struggled to decide which one to buy. model to purchase (rephrased for clarity). However, I later searched the relevant information after conducting research on YouTube and eventually picked one due to considering YouTubers' suggestions. The whole process cost me less than recommendations, I made a decision within 10 minutes, which saved saving me a lot of time. Apart from Claire’s opinion, considerable time (revised to maintain the natural tone of English). In addition to Claire's viewpoint, I also believe that searching online can provide us with research offers a more comprehensive picture of certain products. understanding of specific products (rephrased for clarity). For instance, While searching for information on example, while investigating iPad selection, options, I read numerous comments on different products; those authentic comments made by reviews from previous consumers offer customers; these genuine testimonials provided valuable insights that helped me a deeper insight, allowing me to choose select the most appropriate products for me. suitable product (revised to maintain the natural tone of English).

As for those On the other hand, some people who suggest that asking families and contend that seeking advice from friends for help and family is a better idea, I may doubt that families and friends preferable because they know us better. better (rephrased for clarity). However, I question the validity of this claim as our loved ones' perception of us may not accurately reflect our true selves (revised to maintain the natural tone of English). In psychology, “us” it is recognized that "us" in others’ others' perspectives are various because all of can vary greatly due to the influence of individual perceptions on our personalities are processed by perceptions, which (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, relying solely on friends and family for purchasing advice may not reflect always yield the best results tailored to our own true identity.unique needs and preferences (revised to maintain the natural tone of English).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Shopping importance
   • Online research efficiency

2. Personal experience

   • iPad purchase
   • YouTube recommendations

3. Comprehensive understanding

   • Customer reviews
   • Genuine testimonials

4. Friends and family advice

   • Perception limitations

5. Psychology aspect

   • Varying perspectives

6. Individual needs and preferences

7. Conclusion

   • Online research benefits

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

Shopping has become an integral part of people's daily lives. Some individuals, like Claire, argue that searching for information online is a more efficient and time-saving approach. I wholeheartedly support this assertion, drawing from my personal shopping experiences. When I needed an iPad for study and work purposes, I initially struggled to decide which model to purchase. However, after conducting research on YouTube and considering YouTubers' recommendations, I made a decision within 10 minutes, saving me considerable time. In addition to Claire's viewpoint, I also believe that online research offers a more comprehensive understanding of specific products. For example, while investigating iPad options, I read numerous reviews from previous customers; these genuine testimonials provided valuable insights that helped me select the most suitable product.

On the other hand, some people contend that seeking advice from friends and family is preferable because they know us better. However, I question the validity of this claim as our loved ones' perception of us may not accurately reflect our true selves. In psychology, it is recognized that "us" in others' perspectives can vary greatly due to the influence of individual perceptions on our personalities. Consequently, relying solely on friends and family for purchasing advice may not always yield the best results tailored to our unique needs and preferences.