TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: what is the best way for workers to communicate?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task, as it discusses both email and face-to-face communication methods in the workplace. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more balanced arguments for both methods, as well as elaborating on some points to make them clearer.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include more specific examples or scenarios to support your points.

• Provide a more balanced view by discussing potential drawbacks of email communication and advantages of face-to-face interactions.

Example 1: Instead of only mentioning that email is efficient for multinational corporations, you could also discuss how face-to-face interactions might be beneficial in certain situations, such as team-building activities or resolving conflicts.

Example 2: You could elaborate on the point about using Zoom or FaceTime by explaining how these tools can still provide a personal touch while maintaining the convenience and efficiency of digital communication.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a specific point with supporting details. Additionally, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be made smoother.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus with supporting details.

• Use transition words or phrases to guide readers through your ideas smoothly.

Example 1: In the paragraph discussing multinational corporations' operations, consider starting with a topic sentence like "Email communication is essential for multinational corporations due to its efficiency." Then provide supporting details such as how it overcomes geographical barriers and time-zone differences.

Example 2: To improve transitions between ideas, use phrases like "On the other hand" or "However" to signal a shift in perspective. For example, when discussing the advantages of face-to-face interactions, you could say "On the other hand, face-to-face interactions provide a personal touch that can be beneficial in certain situations."

5. Grammar

Email can be quite convenient and efficient, contributing to time and energy savings. For example, based on statistics from an international institution, nowadays, almost 90% of office workers communicate with their colleagues by sending emails rather than face-to-face interactions. Email can serve as quick questions and clarifications. People don’t have to travel back and forth to discuss and consult their work-related issues. Within ten minutes, the associated work issues, reports, and plans could be handled by sending emails. However, when engaged in face-to-face interactions, individuals at least need to spend more than 2 hours to settle down to discuss because of the bothered transportation.

Email makes multinational corporations’ operations possible. In today’s globalized world, many multinational companies have to communicate with their colleagues by sending emails. And, it proves to be valid and efficient. However, face-to-face interactions with those people seem to be impossible just because of various geographical and time-zone factors. For example, I served in the sales department of an international firm. All the work-related communications, training, and reports were handled by sending emails. Some argue that Personal touch provides an opportunity for employers to ask questions, seek clarification, and engage in meaningful discussions with their colleagues. There are some validitiesvalidates(misspelling) in this argument. However, apart from sending emails, staff could have zoomhave Zoom(have twitter (have Twitter / have twittered)) time and FaceTime, which can be efficient for efficient and intimate discussion. In light of the points I just mentioned, the benefits of email far outweigh than those of face-to-face engagement. Therefore, Email would be the best approach for work communication among employees.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

The convenience and efficiency of email communication cannot be overstated, as it allows for significant time and energy savings. According to statistics from an international institution, approximately 90% of office workers currently prefer to communicate with their colleagues via email rather than face-to-face interactions. This method enables quick questions and clarifications without the need for physical travel, streamlining the process of discussing and consulting on work-related issues. In contrast, face-to-face interactions often require at least two hours to settle down and discuss matters due to transportation concerns.

Furthermore, email communication is essential for the smooth operation of multinational corporations in today's globalized world. With employees spread across various geographical locations and time zones, face-to-face interactions become impractical. As an example, during my tenure in the sales department of an international firm, all work-related communications, training sessions, and reports were efficiently managed through email correspondence.

While some argue that face-to-face interactions provide a personal touch that fosters meaningful discussions and allows for immediate clarification of questions or concerns, there are alternative solutions available. Video conferencing platforms such as Zoom or FaceTime offer a viable substitute for in-person meetings while maintaining efficiency and fostering intimate discussions among employees.

Considering the advantages outlined above, it is evident that email communication offers numerous benefits over face-to-face engagement in the workplace. As such, it stands as the most effective approach for facilitating communication among employees in various professional settings. (239 words)

Email can The convenience and efficiency of email communication cannot be quite convenient and efficient, contributing to overstated (revised for clarity and emphasis), as it allows for significant time and energy savings. For example, based on According to statistics from an international institution, nowadays, almost approximately 90% (changed "almost" to "approximately" for a more formal tone) of office workers currently prefer to communicate with their colleagues by sending emails via email rather than face-to-face interactions. Email can serve as This method enables quick questions and clarifications. People don’t have to clarifications without the need for physical travel back and forth to discuss and consult their (rephrased for clarity), streamlining the process of discussing and consulting on work-related issues. Within ten minutes, the associated work issues, reports, and plans could be handled by sending emails. However, when engaged in face-to-face interactions, individuals In contrast, face-to-face interactions often require at least need to spend more than 2 two hours to settle down to and discuss because of the bothered transportation. matters due to transportation concerns.

Email makes Furthermore, email communication is essential for the smooth operation of multinational corporations’ operations possible. In today’s corporations in today's globalized world, many multinational companies have to communicate with their colleagues by sending emails. And, it proves to be valid and efficient. However, face-to-face interactions with those people seem to be impossible just because of world. With employees spread across various geographical and time-zone factors. For locations and time zones, face-to-face interactions become impractical. As an example, I served during my tenure in the sales department of an international firm. All the firm, all work-related communications, training, training sessions, and reports were handled by sending emails. efficiently managed through email correspondence.

Some While some argue that Personal face-to-face interactions provide a personal touch provides an opportunity for employers to ask questions, seek clarification, and engage in that fosters meaningful discussions with their colleagues. There and allows for immediate clarification of questions or concerns, there are some validities in this argument. However, apart from sending emails, staff could have zoom time and FaceTime, which can be efficient for efficient and alternative solutions available. Video conferencing platforms such as Zoom or FaceTime offer a viable substitute for in-person meetings while maintaining efficiency and fostering intimate discussion. discussions among employees (added explanation about video conferencing alternatives).

In light of the points I just mentioned, the Considering the advantages outlined above, it is evident that email communication offers numerous benefits of email far outweigh than those of face-to-face engagement. Therefore, Email would be the best over face-to-face engagement in the workplace. As such, it stands as the most effective approach for work facilitating communication among employees.employees in various professional settings (rephrased conclusion for clarity).

8 Mind Map

1. Convenience and efficiency

   • Time and energy savings
   • Quick questions and clarifications

2. Statistics

   • 90% of office workers prefer email communication

3. Streamlining work-related issues

   • No need for physical travel

4. Multinational corporations

   • Geographical locations and time zones

5. Personal experience in sales department

   • Email correspondence for communication, training, and reports

6. Alternative solutions to face-to-face interactions

   • Video conferencing platforms (Zoom, FaceTime)

7. Advantages of email communication

   • Efficiency, intimate discussions, global reach

8. Conclusion: Email as the most effective approach

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

The convenience and efficiency of email communication cannot be overstated, as it allows for significant time and energy savings. According to statistics from an international institution, approximately 90% of office workers currently prefer to communicate with their colleagues via email rather than face-to-face interactions. This method enables quick questions and clarifications without the need for physical travel, streamlining the process of discussing and consulting on work-related issues. In contrast, face-to-face interactions often require at least two hours to settle down and discuss matters due to transportation concerns.

Furthermore, email communication is essential for the smooth operation of multinational corporations in today's globalized world. With employees spread across various geographical locations and time zones, face-to-face interactions become impractical. As an example, during my tenure in the sales department of an international firm, all work-related communications, training sessions, and reports were efficiently managed through email correspondence.

While some argue that face-to-face interactions provide a personal touch that fosters meaningful discussions and allows for immediate clarification of questions or concerns, there are alternative solutions available. Video conferencing platforms such as Zoom or FaceTime offer a viable substitute for in-person meetings while maintaining efficiency and fostering intimate discussions among employees.

Considering the advantages outlined above, it is evident that email communication offers numerous benefits over face-to-face engagement in the workplace. As such, it stands as the most effective approach for facilitating communication among employees in various professional settings.