TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: under an optional-attendance policy, university students could choose not to attend classes but instead study the course materials and acquire the knowledge on their own time. Their grade would then be based entirely on exams or papers. What are your thoughts on this approach?

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 23

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the topic of optional attendance policy for university students and provides a clear viewpoint against it. However, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on the reasons provided and additional examples to support the arguments. The essay also lacks a proper introduction, which should include a brief background of the issue.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more detailed explanations for each reason.

• Include specific examples or scenarios to support your arguments.

• Add an introduction that briefly introduces the topic and states your viewpoint.

Examples:

1. Instead of just mentioning that students lack self-discipline, you could explain how structured class schedules help students manage their time better and stay focused on their studies.
2. To support your argument about class interaction, you could provide an example of a specific activity or project that requires collaboration among students, which would not be possible without attending classes.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay's structure is somewhat clear but lacks a proper introduction and conclusion. The body paragraphs focus on specific points but could be further developed with more supporting details.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Add an introduction that briefly introduces the topic and states your viewpoint.

• Develop each body paragraph with more detailed explanations and examples.

• Improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs to create a smoother flow.

Examples:

1. Introduction: "The debate over whether university students should have the option to skip classes in favor of self-study has been ongoing for some time. While this approach may seem appealing to some, I believe that attending classes is essential for several reasons."
2. Improved transition: "Firstly, communication and critical thinking skills are crucial during class sessions; however, if students choose not to attend, they miss out on important learning experiences. For instance, group discussions and collaborative projects provide opportunities for students to exchange ideas and develop problem-solving skills, which are not possible through self-study alone."

5. Grammar

The question of whetherWhether(the question whether (whether) etc.) students should not choose to attend classes but instead study by themselves is a subject of ongoing topic. In my opinion, I disagree with it, and there are two reasons. Firstly, communication and critical thinking skills are crucial during the class. If the students do not attend the class, the teacher cannot assign a group discussion to the students. As a result, they lack the opportunity to assume the answers themselves, and exchange their opinions with their group members. They miss the valuable elements in the learning experience. Secondly, some students struggle with self-discipline; they cannot learn effectively by their own; thus, without the teacher’s supervision; they will procrastinate their study plan and homework. In conclusion, there are two biggest drawbacks that students should not attend class, respectively lacking self-discipline and class interaction.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

The debate surrounding the implementation of an optional-attendance policy in universities, where students can forgo attending classes and learn independently, is a contentious issue. While I understand the appeal of such a policy, I believe it has significant drawbacks. Primarily, students who opt out of attending classes miss out on developing essential communication and critical thinking skills fostered through classroom interactions. Group discussions facilitated by instructors encourage students to think critically, articulate their ideas, and engage with diverse perspectives. This collaborative learning environment is difficult to replicate in solitary study. Furthermore, self-discipline is a challenge for many students who may struggle to maintain a consistent study schedule without the structure provided by regular class attendance. Consequently, these students risk falling behind academically due to procrastination and inadequate time management. (134 words)

The question of whether students should not debate surrounding the implementation of an optional-attendance policy in universities (clarifies the context of the issue), where students can forgo attending classes and learn independently (rephrases "not choose to attend classes but instead study by themselves themselves" for clarity), is a subject of ongoing topic. In my opinion, contentious issue. While I disagree with it, and there are two reasons. Firstly, understand the appeal of such a policy (acknowledges the opposing viewpoint), I believe it has significant drawbacks. Primarily, students who opt out of attending classes miss out on developing essential communication and critical thinking skills are crucial (revises "crucial during the class. If the students do not attend the class, the teacher class" for better flow) fostered through classroom interactions. Group discussions facilitated by instructors (replaces "teacher cannot assign a group discussion to the students. As a result, they lack the opportunity to assume the answers themselves, and exchange students" for clarity) encourage students to think critically, articulate their opinions ideas, and engage with their diverse perspectives. This collaborative learning environment is difficult to replicate in solitary study (explains why group members. They miss the valuable elements in the learning experience. Secondly, some discussions are valuable). Furthermore, self-discipline is a challenge for many students who may struggle to maintain a consistent study schedule without the structure provided by regular class attendance (rephrases "some students struggle with self-discipline; they cannot learn effectively by their own; thus, without the teacher’s supervision; they will procrastinate own" for clarity). Consequently, these students risk falling behind academically due to procrastination and inadequate time management (expands on "procrastinate their study plan and homework. In conclusion, there are two biggest drawbacks that students should not attend class, respectively lacking self-discipline and class interaction.homework").

8 Mind Map

1. Optional-attendance policy

   • Pros
   • Cons

2. Communication skills

   • Classroom interactions
   • Group discussions

3. Critical thinking skills

   • Diverse perspectives
   • Articulating ideas

4. Collaborative learning environment

   • Instructor facilitation
   • Engaging with others

5. Self-discipline challenges

   • Study schedule maintenance
   • Procrastination risks

6. Academic consequences

   • Falling behind
   • Inadequate time management

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

The debate surrounding the implementation of an optional-attendance policy in universities, where students can forgo attending classes and learn independently, is a contentious issue. While I understand the appeal of such a policy, I believe it has significant drawbacks. Primarily, students who opt out of attending classes miss out on developing essential communication and critical thinking skills fostered through classroom interactions. Group discussions facilitated by instructors encourage students to think critically, articulate their ideas, and engage with diverse perspectives. This collaborative learning environment is difficult to replicate in solitary study. Furthermore, self-discipline is a challenge for many students who may struggle to maintain a consistent study schedule without the structure provided by regular class attendance. Consequently, these students risk falling behind academically due to procrastination and inadequate time management.