TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: This week, we'll be discussing ways to address air pollution. One idea is introducing environmental taxes on air travel. Such taxes, also referred to as ecological taxes or green taxes, are extra charges that get added to the price of airplane tickets.Money collected from these taxes could be invested in environmentally friendly technologies or in promoting other, cleaner modes of transportation. Do you think there should be an environmental tax on air travel? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0 Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2. 预估分数

20. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面有待提高。首先，你需要更清楚地表达你的观点，并为其提供更充分的论据。此外，尽量避免语法错误和不规范的用词，以提高文章的可读性。

改进建议（英文）：

1. "I firmly hold the idea that an environmental tax should not be added on air travel,as the taxs only punish the passengers and obstacle the progress of developing more envionmentally planes." -> "I firmly believe that an environmental tax should not be imposed on air travel, as it would only punish passengers and hinder the development of more environmentally friendly aircraft."

2. "Under this condition, the enviromental taxes can overburdening the economic situation of some passengers." -> "Under these circumstances, environmental taxes could place an undue financial burden on some passengers."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，这篇文章还有很大的改进空间。建议在开头部分简要介绍话题，并明确表达自己的观点；在正文部分阐述支持自己观点的论据；最后在结尾部分总结全文并重申观点。此外，注意使用恰当的过渡词或短语，使文章更加连贯。

改进建议（英文）：

1. Add an introduction: "Air pollution is a pressing issue that requires immediate attention, and one proposed solution is the implementation of environmental taxes on air travel. However, I believe that this approach would not be effective for several reasons."

2. Improve transitions: "Firstly, imposing environmental taxes on air travel would primarily affect passengers rather than airlines. This means that the burden of addressing environmental concerns would fall on the consumers instead of the companies responsible for producing emissions."

5. 语法批改

I firmly hold the idea that an environmental tax should not be added on air travel,as, as(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) the taxstaxes(misspelling) only punish the passengers and obstacle the progress of developing more envionmentallyenvironmentally(misspelling) planes. To be more specifics, afteringaltering(misspelling) being asked for the environmental tax, the company havehas(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) to remove some funds from scientific studying to the taxes. The moneymoney,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which can be used to encourage the scientists to work harder or purchase more scientific equipments. Moreover, the taxes only cause the price much higher than before, (Two consecutive spaces)which have a negative influence on the long-time air travellerstravelers(misspelling). Admittedly, Andrew's points make sencesince(misspelling) to some extent, the cheaper price may affect some desicionsdecisions(misspelling) of customers, however, they are many passengers have to use planes because of the long distance. Under this condition, the enviromentalenvironmental(misspelling) taxes can overburdeningoverburden(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) the economic situation of some passengers.

Display title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, implementing an environmental tax on air travel would not be an effective solution to address air pollution, as it primarily penalizes passengers and hinders the development of more environmentally friendly aircraft. Specifically, when faced with such taxes, airlines may have to divert funds from research and development into paying these additional charges. Consequently, this could negatively impact the advancement of eco-friendly technologies in aviation. Furthermore, the increased ticket prices resulting from these taxes may disproportionately burden frequent travelers or those who rely on air travel due to long distances. While it is true that lower prices might influence some customers' decisions to opt for alternative modes of transportation, many passengers have no choice but to fly due to geographical constraints. In such cases, environmental taxes could exacerbate the financial strain on these individuals without effectively addressing the root cause of air pollution. (149 words)

I firmly hold the idea that In my opinion, implementing an environmental tax should on air travel would not be added on air travel,as the taxs only punish the an effective solution to address air pollution (clarified the issue being addressed), as it primarily penalizes passengers and obstacle the progress of developing hinders the development of more envionmentally planes. To be more specifics, aftering being asked for the environmental tax, the company environmentally friendly aircraft (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). Specifically, when faced with such taxes, airlines may have to remove some divert funds from scientific studying to the taxes. The money which can be used to encourage the scientists to work harder research and development into paying these additional charges (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, this could negatively impact the advancement of eco-friendly technologies in aviation (clarified the negative consequence). Furthermore, the increased ticket prices resulting from these taxes may disproportionately burden frequent travelers or purchase more scientific equipments. Moreover, the taxes only cause the price much higher than before, which have a negative those who rely on air travel due to long distances (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). While it is true that lower prices might influence on the long-time air travellers. Admittedly, Andrew's points make sence to some extent, the cheaper price may affect some desicions of customers, however, they are customers' decisions to opt for alternative modes of transportation (acknowledged counterargument), many passengers have to no choice but to fly due to geographical constraints (provided a reason why some passengers must use planes because of the long distance. Under this condition, the enviromental air travel). In such cases, environmental taxes can overburdening the economic situation of some passengers.could exacerbate the financial strain on these individuals without effectively addressing the root cause of air pollution (summarized main argument against environmental taxes).

8 思维导图

- Environmental tax on air travel
  - Penalizes passengers
  - Hinders development of eco-friendly aircraft
    - Divert funds from research and development
    - Impact advancement of eco-friendly technologies
  - Increased ticket prices
    - Burden frequent travelers
    - Burden those who rely on air travel due to long distances
  - Alternative modes of transportation
    - Lower prices might influence decisions
    - Geographical constraints limit options for some passengers
  - Financial strain without addressing root cause of air pollution

9 关键词