TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: This week in class, we are learning about different methods of advertising and their effectiveness. One advertising strategy that companies often use is to ask celebrities, famous entertainers, or sports figures to promote their products. However, some experts believe that it is more effective to have ordinary people talk about the product. Which of these two advertising strategies do you think is better?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有一些改进空间。首先，你可以更详细地解释为什么名人代言对广告效果更好。例如，你可以讨论名人代言如何提高产品的知名度和信誉。其次，在讨论普通人代言时，你可以对比一下两种策略的优缺点，以使观点更加全面。

改进示例1：

• 在讨论名人代言时，你可以提到名人具有很高的社会地位和影响力，因此他们的推荐可能会使消费者更愿意购买产品。

改进示例2：

• 在讨论普通人代言时，你可以指出这种策略可能更能引起消费者的共鸣和信任，因为他们可能会觉得普通人的推荐更真实可靠。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面表现不错，包括了引言、正文和结尾。然而，在段落组织上还有一些需要改进的地方。首先，在正文部分中应更明确地分段讨论名人代言和普通人代言的优缺点。其次，使用一些过渡词和短语来更清晰地连接不同的观点和段落。

改进示例1：

• 在讨论名人代言时，你可以使用过渡词如“首先”、“其次”等来组织你的观点。

改进示例2：

• 在正文部分中，你可以使用类似“然而”、“相反”等过渡词来引入对比两种策略的优缺点。

5. 语法批改

Both Paul and Claire shed the lights on whether the company should leverage "ordinary people" or celebrities to advertise, while I concur with Claire's point that the advertisement endorsed by celebrities is more convincing and persuasive.

Firstly, the celebrity is able to endow the product or brand with replenishing endorsement or credentials because the public always is prone to follow the celebrities, posing copied behavior or style. Conspicuously, the celebrities lead the popularity trend relevantly, influencing public perspective of beauty. Besides, some celebrities with expertise background, like sport stars, plausibly enhance the believability of products' function. For instance, the basketball shoes endorsed by NBA stars partly convince you that the shoes can support your higher jumping capability.

Secondly, as mentioned by Claire, the celebrity appearance in advertisement can dramatically improve the eye-catching level of the advertisement, especially in terms of out-of-home advertisement. At the moment of potential consumer staring at the advertisement, the slogan of the product, representing the benefit (Two consecutive spaces)after bought, is engraved into consumer's mind with disguise.

Title: 6 文章修订

Both Paul and Claire present arguments on whether companies should utilize "ordinary people" or celebrities for advertising purposes. While I appreciate Paul's perspective, I concur with Claire that advertisements endorsed by celebrities are more convincing and persuasive.

Firstly, celebrities can bestow a product or brand with credibility and appeal, as the public is often inclined to emulate their behavior or style. It is evident that celebrities play a significant role in shaping popular trends and influencing public perceptions of beauty. Moreover, some celebrities possess relevant expertise, such as sports stars, which can enhance the believability of a product's functionality. For instance, basketball shoes endorsed by NBA stars may convince consumers that the shoes can improve their jumping ability.

Secondly, as Claire mentioned, celebrity appearances in advertisements can dramatically increase their attention-grabbing potential, particularly for out-of-home advertisements. When potential consumers notice an advertisement featuring a celebrity they admire, the product's slogan - representing its benefits - becomes ingrained in their minds subconsciously. (164 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

Both Paul and Claire shed the lights on discuss the topic of whether the company companies should leverage use "ordinary people" or celebrities to advertise, while for advertising purposes. While I concur understand Paul's viewpoint, I agree with Claire's point Claire that the advertisement endorsed by celebrities is advertisements featuring celebrities are more convincing and persuasive.

Firstly, the celebrity is able celebrities have the ability to endow the lend credibility and allure to a product or brand with replenishing endorsement or credentials because brand, as the public always is prone often tends to follow the celebrities, posing copied imitate their behavior or style. Conspicuously, the celebrities lead the popularity trend relevantly, influencing style (reason: rephrased for clarity). It is clear that celebrities significantly influence popular trends and public perspective of beauty. Besides, perceptions of beauty (reason: rephrased for conciseness). Additionally, some celebrities with expertise background, like sport have relevant expertise, such as sports stars, plausibly enhance which can boost the believability of products' function. a product's functionality (reason: rephrased for better flow). For instance, the example, basketball shoes endorsed by NBA stars partly convince you may persuade consumers that the shoes can support your higher enhance their jumping capability. ability (reason: rephrased for clarity).

Secondly, as mentioned by Claire, the Claire pointed out, celebrity appearance appearances in advertisement advertisements can dramatically improve the eye-catching level of the advertisement, increase their attention-grabbing potential, especially in terms the case of out-of-home advertisement. At the moment of advertisements (reason: rephrased for better flow). When potential consumer staring at the advertisement, the consumers see an advertisement featuring a celebrity they admire, the product's slogan of the product, - representing the benefit after bought, is engraved into consumer's mind with disguise.its benefits - becomes embedded in their minds subconsciously (reason: rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Paul's perspective
   - Claire's perspective

2. Credibility and appeal
   - Emulating behavior or style
   - Shaping popular trends
   - Influencing public perceptions of beauty

3. Relevant expertise
   - Sports stars as examples
   - Enhancing believability of product functionality

4. Attention-grabbing potential
   - Celebrity appearances in advertisements
   - Out-of-home advertisements 

5. Conclusion 

Title: 9 关键词