TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Some people argue that online advertising which uses personal information to target specific people is an invasion of privacy. Others argue that it's simply an acceptable way to reach consumers with products and services they're interested in. What's your take? Do you think targeted advertising is ethical, or is it an invasion of privacy?
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Professor
Today, we're discussing the ethics of targeted advertising. Some people argue that online advertising which uses personal information to target specific people is an invasion of privacy. Others argue that it's simply an acceptable way to reach consumers with products and services they're interested in. What's your take? Do you think targeted advertising is ethical, or is it an invasion of privacy?
Jessica
I think targeted advertising is an invasion of privacy. Advertisers shouldn't be able to track and use our personal information to sell us products. It's not fair to customers, and it's a violation of our rights. Instead, advertisers should focus on creating high-quality ads that appeal to a broad audience. By doing that they can both increase their sales and show respect for their customers.
Mike
I disagree with Jessica. I think targeted advertising is ethical. It's a more efficient way to reach consumers with products and services that are relevant to their interests. With the money they save by using more effective marketing techniques, companies can afford to offer lower prices to their customers. Plus, we can always opt-out of targeted advertising by adjusting our privacy settings. As long we get a choice, I think targeted advertising can be beneficial.
用户样本与评估结果
用户样本
Though Jessica's perspective that targeted advertising is an invasion of people's privacy is reasonable, I tend to agree with Mike more. I agree that targeted advertising is ethical and neccesary. As Mike mentioned, targeted advertising can enable certain advertisements to match those potential customers with consistent interests. For instance, a person keen on exercising can receive corresponding advertisement about nearby fitness services or bargain supplements that can aid his/her exercising. However, he may also receive those useless advertisement about car loans or housing without targeted advertisement strategy. In this way, companies have to pay more on advertising and people just get really annoyed by countless advertisement mostly recommending what they don't need. Apart from what Mike pointed out, I'd like to add that when targeted advertisements are sent to certain people, those people can meet with merchandise consistent with their economic affordability, and it's actually homage and concern for customers on a certain degree. The rich can see advertisements about luxury and jewelry, while the poor can receive ones about food and groccery, which can actually promote social fairness. On the contrast, people in poverty will be exposed to expensive cars and houses that they can't afford. Therefore, targeted advertisement is undoubtedly ethical and also quite beneficial to all customers.
评估结果
1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5
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Language Use and Grammar: 4
2. 预估分数
26. (4.17)
3. 任务完成度
整体而言,你的文章回答了问题,并对两个观点进行了讨论。然而,有一些地方可以改进。首先,在支持你的观点时,可以提供更多具体的例子和详细信息。此外,尽管文章中的语法错误不多,但还是有一些需要注意的地方。
改进建议示例(英文):
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在支持你的观点时,可以提供更多具体的例子和详细信息。例如:“Targeted advertising can also help small businesses reach their niche audience more effectively, allowing them to compete with larger companies.”
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注意语法错误和表达。例如:“On the contrast” 应该改为 “In contrast”。
4. 文章结构与组织
从结构和组织角度来看,你的文章基本上是清晰的。然而,在某些地方可以进行优化。首先,在引入段落中明确提出自己的观点会使文章更具说服力。其次,在正文段落中使用过渡词汇能使文章更连贯。
改进建议示例(英文):
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在引入段落中明确提出自己的观点:例如:“In this essay, I will argue that targeted advertising is ethical and beneficial for both consumers and businesses.”
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在正文段落中使用过渡词汇:例如:“Firstly, targeted advertising allows companies to reach their potential customers more efficiently.”
5. 语法批改
Though Jessica's perspective that targeted advertising is an invasion of people's privacy is reasonable, I tend to agree with Mike more. I agree that targeted advertising is ethical and neccesary.necessary. As Mike mentioned, targeted advertising can enable certain advertisements to match those potential customers with consistent interests. For instance, a person keen on exercising can receive corresponding advertisementadvertisements about nearby fitness services or bargain supplements that can aid his/her exercising. However, he may also receive those useless advertisementadvertisements about car loans or housing without targeted advertisement strategy. In this way, companies have to pay more on advertisingadvertising, and people just get really annoyed by countless advertisementadvertisements mostly recommending what they don't need. Apart from what Mike pointed out, I'd like to add that when targeted advertisements are sent to certain people, those people can meet with merchandise consistent with their economic affordability, and it's actually homage and concern for customers onto a certain degree. The rich can see advertisements about luxury and jewelry, while the poor can receive ones about food and groccery,grocery, which can actually promote social fairness. On the contrast,contrary, people in poverty will be exposed to expensive cars and houses that they can't afford. Therefore, targeted advertisement is undoubtedly ethical and also quite beneficial to all customers.
Section Title: The Ethics of Targeted Advertising
While Jessica's argument that targeted advertising infringes on individual privacy has merit, I find myself more inclined to agree with Mike's stance that it is ethical and necessary. As Mike pointed out, targeted advertising allows for the delivery of relevant ads to potential customers based on their interests. For example, an exercise enthusiast may receive advertisements for local fitness services or discounted supplements, whereas without targeted advertising, they might be inundated with irrelevant ads for car loans or housing. Consequently, companies would need to spend more on advertising while consumers would be bombarded with countless ads promoting products they have no interest in.
In addition to Mike's points, I would like to emphasize that targeted advertising can cater to individuals' economic affordability, demonstrating a certain level of respect and consideration for customers. Affluent individuals may see ads for luxury items and jewelry, while those with lower incomes might receive promotions for food and groceries. This approach can contribute to social equity by ensuring that people are not exposed to advertisements for products they cannot afford. Thus, targeted advertising is not only ethical but also beneficial for all parties involved. (196 words)
Though Section Title: The Ethics of Targeted Advertising
While Jessica's perspective that targeted advertising is an invasion of people's argument that targeted advertising infringes on individual privacy is reasonable, has merit (clarification of the argument), I tend find myself more inclined to agree with Mike more. I agree that targeted advertising Mike's stance that it is ethical and neccesary. necessary (clarification of personal opinion). As Mike mentioned, targeted advertising can enable certain advertisements to match those pointed out, targeted advertising allows for the delivery of relevant ads to potential customers with consistent interests. based on their interests (rephrasing for clarity). For instance, a person keen on exercising can example, an exercise enthusiast may receive corresponding advertisement about nearby advertisements for local fitness services or bargain supplements that can aid his/her exercising. However, he may also receive those useless advertisement about discounted supplements, whereas without targeted advertising, they might be inundated with irrelevant ads for car loans or housing without targeted advertisement strategy. In this way, (providing a specific example). Consequently, companies have to pay would need to spend more on advertising and people just get really annoyed by while consumers would be bombarded with countless advertisement mostly recommending what ads promoting products they don't need. Apart from what Mike pointed out, I'd have no interest in (explaining the negative consequences).
In addition to Mike's points (connecting to previous ideas), I would like to add that when targeted advertisements are sent to certain people, those people emphasize that targeted advertising can meet with merchandise consistent with their cater to individuals' economic affordability, and it's actually homage and concern for customers on demonstrating a certain degree. The rich can level of respect and consideration for customers (introducing a new point). Affluent individuals may see advertisements about ads for luxury items and jewelry, while the poor those with lower incomes might receive promotions for food and groceries (providing examples). This approach can receive ones about food and groccery, which can actually promote contribute to social fairness. On the contrast, equity by ensuring that people in poverty will be are not exposed to expensive cars and houses that advertisements for products they can't afford. Therefore, targeted advertisement cannot afford (explaining the benefits). Thus, targeted advertising is undoubtedly not only ethical and but also quite beneficial to for all customers.parties involved (concluding statement).
8 思维导图
1. The Ethics of Targeted Advertising
├── A. Jessica's argument: privacy infringement
├── B. Mike's stance: ethical and necessary
│ ├── i. Relevant ads based on interests
│ └── ii. Example: exercise enthusiast vs car loans or housing ads
└── C. Additional points
├── i. Cater to economic affordability
│ ├── a. Luxury items for affluent individuals
│ └── b. Promotions for food and groceries for lower incomes
└── ii. Contribute to social equity
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Infringe | /ɪnˈfrɪndʒ/ | Verb | Actively break the terms of a law, agreement, etc | 侵犯 | Targeted advertising may infringe on individual privacy |
| Inclined | /ɪnˈklaɪnd/ | Adjective | Have a tendency to do something | 倾向于 | I find myself more inclined to agree with Mike's stance |
| Irrelevant | /ɪˈrɛləvənt/ | Adjective | Not connected with or relevant to something | 不相关的 | They might be inundated with irrelevant ads |
| Inundate | /ˈinənˌdāt/ | Verb | Overwhelm (someone) with things or people to be dealt with | 淹没 | They might be inundated with irrelevant ads |
| Affordability | /əˌfɔrˈdæbəlɪti/ | Noun | The state of being inexpensive enough for people to be able to buy | 可负担性 | Targeted advertising can cater to individuals' economic affordability |
| Affluent | /ˈaflo͞oənt/ | Adjective | Having a great deal of money; wealthy | 富裕的 | Affluent individuals may see ads for luxury items |
| Equity | /ˈekwədē/ | Noun | The quality of being fair and impartial | 公平 | This approach can contribute to social equity |
| Expose | /ikˈspōz/ | Verb | Make (something) visible, typically by uncovering it | 暴露 | Ensuring that people are not exposed to advertisements for products they cannot afford |
| Beneficial | /benəˈfiSHəl/ | _Adjective | _Resulting in good; favorable or advantageous | _有益的 | _Thus, targeted advertising is not only ethical but also beneficial for all parties involved. |
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语言运用
语法准确性、词汇丰富度和句式结构质量。
论述与支撑
观点是否充分展开,是否有具体例子和清晰推理支撑?
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基于对该题目用户提交内容的分析,以下是在学生回答中观察到的常见模式。
很多学生能清楚表达观点,但缺乏具体的论据支撑。
高分回答会直接引用阅读段落和其他发言者的观点。
更高分的回答使用多样化的句式结构和学术词汇。
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学习建议
在开始写作前仔细阅读题目,理清问题的所有组成部分。
在回答中引用阅读段落和其他同学的观点。
使用具体例子来支持你的主要论点——避免笼统的表述。
目标字数120-150词。更长的回答不一定更好;清晰度和针对性更重要。
进行限时练习(10分钟),在考试条件下提升写作流畅度。
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