TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Globalization has changed our world dramatically in the past decades. As the core of globalization, international trades have involved virtually all countries. As people enjoy products from all over the world, they also become generally better off thanks to larger markets and more work opportunities. However, opinions vary greatly regarding the benefits and losses of developing countries in international trades. Typically, developing countries sell cheap raw materials and low-level products while purchasing expensive hi-tech products or luxuries from developed countries. Some point out that this is actually an exploitation of poor countries by the rich ones. What is your opinion, do developing countries benefit from or get ripped off during international trades?
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Professor
Globalization has changed our world dramatically in the past decades. As the core of globalization, international trades have involved virtually all countries. As people enjoy products from all over the world, they also become generally better off thanks to larger markets and more work opportunities. However, opinions vary greatly regarding the benefits and losses of developing countries in international trades. Typically, developing countries sell cheap raw materials and low-level products while purchasing expensive hi-tech products or luxuries from developed countries. Some point out that this is actually an exploitation of poor countries by the rich ones. What is your opinion, do developing countries benefit from or get ripped off during international trades?
Claire
If one sees the pictures of sweatshops in developing countries, he/she will know immediately that developing countries are actually suffering losses in international trades. Developing countries normally lack high technology, and even if they develop their own technology, most of the international markets have been seized by early companies from developed countries. As a result, they have no choice but to sell their raw materials, if any, or labor-intensive products manufactured by their cheap laborers. To be fair, the lavish lives of those tycoons in rich countries are built on their exploitation of the poor workers in developing countries.
Paul
Much as I sympathize the poor workers in developing countries, I have to point out a plain fact: those workers would have been poorer were it not for their "sweatshops". Countries are like people: they need to cooperate and compete with each other through international trades. During such cooperation, poor countries can get their due shares of the wealth thus generated, which might not be much because they have not much to offer. But this gain is already much bigger than if they were to close their borders and rely on agriculture and a tiny number of industries. If there are no such sweatshops producing products for an international market, workers will have nowhere to earn their wages. I have another class to attend, but I will elaborate on the competition part later.
用户样本与评估结果
用户样本
I find myself aligning more with Paul's argument that the cooperation of developing countries through international trades help them gain more profits than those from their original economic model. And I also to add that by using international platforms, their products have experienced substantial increase in sales, overcoming the limited accesses to internal markets. What is more, due to their low labor cost, developed countries are more willing to build up factories of labor-intensive work in developing countries, which create job opportunities, even promoting a means of enhancing the status of women by providing them with an independent income stream. While Claire's point regarding the exploitation from developed countries of labor in developing countries, in my opinion, this clear order to some degree makes the whole world more stable and efficient.
评估结果
1. 子项得分
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
Estimated Score: 28
3. 任务完成度
整体来说,这篇文章在完成任务方面做得不错。作者明确表达了自己的观点,并对Paul和Claire的观点进行了比较。然而,文章可以在以下方面进行改进:
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更具体地讨论发展中国家如何从国际贸易中受益。
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分析一些具体的例子,以支持自己的观点。
示例1: 原文:...by using international platforms, their products have experienced substantial increase in sales... 改进:For instance, by using international e-commerce platforms like Alibaba, small businesses in developing countries can reach a global audience, resulting in a substantial increase in sales.
示例2: 原文:...which create job opportunities... 改进:The establishment of factories by multinational corporations in developing countries not only creates job opportunities but also contributes to the transfer of technology and skills.
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面基本合理,有明确的引言、主体和结论。但是,可以在以下方面进行改进:
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在引言部分简要介绍Paul和Claire的观点。
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在主体部分更清晰地划分论点,并使用过渡词汇使文章更连贯。
示例1: 原文:I find myself aligning more with Paul's argument... 改进:In this essay, I will discuss the viewpoints of both Paul and Claire, ultimately arguing that I find myself aligning more with Paul's perspective.
示例2: 原文:...in my opinion, this clear order to some degree makes the whole world more stable and efficient. 改进:In my opinion, this division of labor between developed and developing countries contributes to a more stable and efficient global economy. Overall, while there are undoubtedly challenges faced by developing countries in international trade, the benefits they gain should not be overlooked.
5. 语法批改
I find myself aligning more with Paul's argument that the cooperation of developing countries through international trades help them gain more profits than those from their original economic model. And I also to add that by using international platforms, their products have experienced substantial increase in sales, overcoming the limited accesses to internal markets. What is more, due to their low labor cost, developed countries are more willing to build up factories of labor-intensive work in developing countries, which create job opportunities, even promoting a means of enhancing the status of women by providing them with an independent income stream. While Claire's point regarding the exploitation from developed countries of labor in developing countries, in my opinion, this clear order to some degree makes the whole world more stable and efficient.
Section Title: The Impact of International Trade on Developing Countries
In my opinion, developing countries benefit from international trade, as evidenced by Paul's argument that cooperation through trade allows them to generate greater profits than they would under their original economic models. Additionally, participation in global markets enables these countries to significantly increase product sales, overcoming the limitations of their domestic markets. Furthermore, due to lower labor costs in developing nations, developed countries are more inclined to establish labor-intensive factories there. This not only creates job opportunities but also empowers women by providing them with an independent income source. While Claire raises valid concerns about the exploitation of labor in developing countries by wealthier nations, I believe that this hierarchical structure contributes to global stability and efficiency. (127 words)
I find myself aligning more with In my opinion, developing countries benefit from international trade (clarified the subject), as evidenced by Paul's argument that the cooperation of developing countries through international trades help trade allows them gain more to generate greater profits than those from they would under their original economic model. And I also models (added "as evidenced by" to add that by using international platforms, their products have experienced substantial connect the ideas). Additionally, participation in global markets enables these countries to significantly increase in sales, product sales (rephrased for clarity), overcoming the limited accesses to internal limitations of their domestic markets. What is more, Furthermore, due to their low lower labor cost, costs in developing nations, developed countries are more willing inclined to build up establish labor-intensive factories of labor-intensive work in developing countries, which create there (clarified the relationship between labor costs and factory establishment). This not only creates job opportunities, even promoting a means of enhancing the status of opportunities but also empowers women by providing them with an independent income stream. source (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). While Claire's point regarding Claire raises valid concerns about the exploitation from developed countries of labor in developing countries, in my opinion, countries by wealthier nations (acknowledged Claire's point), I believe that this clear order hierarchical structure contributes to some degree makes the whole world more stable global stability and efficient.efficiency (presented a counterargument).
8 思维导图
1. International Trade
1.1 Benefits for Developing Countries
1.1.1 Greater Profits
1.1.2 Increased Product Sales
1.1.3 Labor-Intensive Factories
1.1.3.1 Job Opportunities
1.1.3.2 Empowerment of Women
2. Concerns and Counterarguments
2.1 Exploitation of Labor
2.2 Hierarchical Structure
2.2.1 Global Stability and Efficiency
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| cooperation | /kəʊˌɒpəˈreɪʃn/ | noun | the process of working together to achieve the same goal | 合作 | Cooperation through trade allows countries to generate greater profits |
| participation | /pɑːˌtɪsɪˈpeɪʃn/ | noun | the act of taking part in something | 参与 | Participation in global markets enables countries to increase product sales |
| labor-intensive | /ˈleɪbər-ɪnˈtensɪv/ | adjective | requiring a large amount of work or workers | 劳动密集型 | Developed countries establish labor-intensive factories in developing nations |
| empowerment | /ɛmˈpaʊərmənt/ | noun | _the process of giving someone more control over their own life _ | 授权,赋权 | This not only creates job opportunities but also empowers women |
| exploitation | /ˌeksplɔɪˈteɪʃn/ | noun | the act of using someone unfairly for your own advantage | 剥削 | Claire raises concerns about the exploitation of labor in developing countries |
| hierarchical | /haɪəˈrɑrkɪkəl/ | adjective | arranged in order of importance or rank | 分层的 | I believe that this hierarchical structure contributes to global stability |
| stability | /stəˈbɪləti/ | noun | the quality of being steady and not likely to change suddenly | 稳定性 | This hierarchical structure contributes to global stability and efficiency |
| efficiency | /ɪˈfɪʃənsi/ | noun | the ability to do something well without wasting time or energy | 效率 | This hierarchical structure contributes to global stability and efficiency |
| domestic | /dəˈmestɪk/ | adjective | _relating to a person's own country or the home market _ | 国内的,家庭的 | Developing countries can overcome the limitations of their domestic markets. |
Section Title: The Impact of International Trade on Developing Countries
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相关性与贡献
回答是否针对问题并为讨论做出有意义的贡献?
语言运用
语法准确性、词汇丰富度和句式结构质量。
论述与支撑
观点是否充分展开,是否有具体例子和清晰推理支撑?
回答中的常见模式
基于对该题目用户提交内容的分析,以下是在学生回答中观察到的常见模式。
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学习建议
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在回答中引用阅读段落和其他同学的观点。
使用具体例子来支持你的主要论点——避免笼统的表述。
目标字数120-150词。更长的回答不一定更好;清晰度和针对性更重要。
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