TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: express and support your own opinion.

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the task by expressing a clear opinion on the importance of eating breakfast regularly and on time. The writer provides reasons for their viewpoint, such as energy provision, stomach health, and fostering other healthy habits. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.

Example 1: Original statement: "A good breakfast gives you more energy all day and keeps you from eating too much later on." Improved statement: "A good breakfast, consisting of protein, whole grains, and fruits, provides sustained energy throughout the day and helps prevent overeating during lunch or dinner."

Example 2: Original statement: "Getting up earlier, which is pivotal for preparing a breakfast, will also provide people high quality morning time as well as greater time management skills." Improved statement: "Getting up earlier to prepare a nutritious breakfast not only ensures a healthy start to the day but also allows individuals to develop better time management skills by allocating sufficient time for morning routines."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing the importance of eating breakfast regularly and on time, and a conclusion summarizing the main points. However, there is room for improvement in terms of transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Example 1: Original transition: "However, from my personal perspective..." Improved transition: "While Kelly's point about having a nutritious breakfast is valid, I believe that..."

Example 2: Original transition: "Furthermore, regularly eating breakfast would foster other heathy habits alongside." Improved transition: "In addition to its direct health benefits, maintaining a regular breakfast routine can also promote the development of other healthy habits."

5. Grammar

I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly's observation about having a nutritious breakfast, stressing the importance of the first meal ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) However, from my personal perspective, eating the breakfast on time and regularly should be the primary step for people to switch to a healthier lifestyle. Nowadays, people are living in a fast-paced modern world, featuring skipping the breakfast from time to time. However, breakfast not only serves as an important role in providing the essential energy to start the day, but also contributes to prevent stomach diseases resulted from leaving the stomach empty for a long period. Furthermore, regularly eating breakfast would foster other heathyhealthy(misspelling) habits alongside. Getting up earlier, which is pivotal for preparing a breakfast, will also provide people high quality morning time as well as greater time management skills. In conclusion, starting by not skipping the breakfast is the easiest and most beneficial way to transfer to a healthier lifestyle.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly's observation about having a nutritious breakfast, stressing the importance of the first meal. However, from my personal perspective, prioritizing breakfast's timeliness and regularity should be the initial step for people to transition to a healthier lifestyle. Nowadays, individuals living in a fast-paced modern world often skip breakfast due to time constraints. Nevertheless, breakfast plays a crucial role in providing essential energy to start the day and preventing stomach ailments resulting from prolonged periods of emptiness. Moreover, consistently consuming breakfast fosters other healthy habits. Waking up earlier, which is pivotal for preparing breakfast, offers individuals high-quality morning time and enhances their time management skills. Therefore, beginning with not skipping breakfast is the most accessible and advantageous method for adopting a healthier lifestyle. (130 words)

I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly's observation about having a nutritious breakfast, stressing the importance of the first meal . meal. However, from my personal perspective, eating the breakfast on time prioritizing breakfast's timeliness and regularly regularity (revised for clarity and emphasis) should be the primary initial step (revised for better word choice) for people to switch transition (revised for better word choice) to a healthier lifestyle. Nowadays, people are individuals living in a fast-paced modern world, featuring skipping the world often skip breakfast from due to time to time. However, constraints (revised for clarity). Nevertheless, breakfast not only serves as an important plays a crucial role (revised for better word choice) in providing the essential energy to start the day, but also contributes to prevent day and preventing stomach diseases resulted ailments resulting from leaving the stomach empty prolonged periods of emptiness (revised for a long period. Furthermore, regularly eating clarity). Moreover, consistently consuming breakfast would foster fosters other heathy healthy habits alongside. Getting (revised for better word choice). Waking up earlier, which is pivotal for preparing a breakfast, will also provide people high quality offers individuals high-quality morning time as well as greater and enhances their time management skills. In conclusion, starting by skills (revised for clarity). Therefore, beginning with not skipping the breakfast is the easiest most accessible and most beneficial way to transfer to advantageous method (revised for better word choice) for adopting a healthier lifestyle.

8 Mind Map

1. Title: Importance of Breakfast

2. Introduction

   • Kelly's observation
   • Personal perspective

3. Timeliness and Regularity

   • Fast-paced modern world
   • Skipping breakfast

4. Essential Energy

   • Starting the day
   • Preventing stomach ailments

5. Fostering Healthy Habits

   • Waking up earlier
   • Time management skills

6. Accessible and Advantageous Method

7. Conclusion

9 Key Words