TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you think it is more beneficial for people to shop at small local stores rather than at superstores? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得相当不错，提出了支持小商店和大型超市的观点。但是，可以在论述中加入更多具体的例子和细节来支持观点。此外，尝试在结论部分总结你的看法，并明确表达自己的立场。

示例1（改进）：购物小商店可以获得更好的服务，例如在当地书店购买书籍时，员工可能会为顾客提供个性化的推荐。

示例2（改进）：大型超市可以为顾客提供一站式购物体验，节省时间和精力。例如，在一个超市里购买家庭用品、食品和衣物。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。同时，请确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定观点，并提供相关细节。

建议1（简体中文）：在段落之间使用过渡词或短语，如“然而”、“此外”、“相反”，以使文章更连贯。

示例1（改进）：然而，尽管小商店提供了更好的服务，大型超市也有其优势。例如，由于大型超市采购量大，可以为顾客提供更多选择和较低价格。

建议2（简体中文）：确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定观点，并提供相关细节。

示例2（改进）：在小商店购物的另一个优势是它们对当地经济的贡献。购买本地商家的产品可以帮助创造就业机会并支持社区发展。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, both small stores and supermarkets has their own merits. I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly’s idea that shopping in small shops receives better services in terms of instantly service and after sale services. Since shopping assistants have no pressure servicing too many people, almost every customer can receive a face-to-face product orientation and introduction. However, Andrew’s statement is also persuasive. Big supermarkets have comprehensive item types, and each item contains several different branches, which provides customers numerous choices. I would further argueargue,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) an exclusive advantage of superstores is that people can taste the food and drinks while they wanderingthey're wandering(He going (He is going)) around in the superstores. Those superstores never stingy of offering their food types to attract the first-time tasters.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, both small local stores and superstores possess their own unique advantages. I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly's assertion that shopping at smaller establishments often results in better customer service, including immediate assistance and personalized after-sales support. As sales associates are not overwhelmed by large crowds, they can provide one-on-one product demonstrations and guidance. On the other hand, Andrew's argument in favor of superstores is equally compelling. These large retailers offer an extensive range of products across various brands, giving customers a plethora of choices. Additionally, I would contend that a distinct benefit of superstores is the opportunity for shoppers to sample food and beverages as they browse the aisles. Such establishments are generous in providing tastings to entice first-time customers and create a more engaging shopping experience. (134 words)

In my opinion, both small local stores and supermarkets has superstores possess their own merits. unique advantages (revised for clarity and to emphasize the uniqueness of each type of store). I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly’s idea Kelly's assertion that shopping in at smaller establishments often results in better customer service, including immediate assistance and personalized after-sales support (rephrased for better flow and clarity). As sales associates are not overwhelmed by large crowds, they can provide one-on-one product demonstrations and guidance (revised to clarify the reason for better service at small shops receives better services in terms of instantly service and after sale services. Since shopping assistants have no pressure servicing too many people, almost every customer can receive a face-to-face product orientation and introduction. However, Andrew’s statement stores). On the other hand, Andrew's argument in favor of superstores is also persuasive. Big supermarkets have comprehensive item types, and each item contains several different branches, which provides equally compelling (acknowledging the strength of the opposing viewpoint). These large retailers offer an extensive range of products across various brands, giving customers numerous choices. a plethora of choices (rephrased for clarity and to emphasize the variety available at superstores). Additionally, I would further argue an exclusive advantage contend that a distinct benefit of superstores is that people can taste the the opportunity for shoppers to sample food and drinks while beverages as they wandering around in the superstores. Those superstores never stingy of offering their food types to attract the browse the aisles (introducing a new point in favor of superstores). Such establishments are generous in providing tastings to entice first-time tasters.customers and create a more engaging shopping experience (elaborating on the sampling advantage offered by superstores).

8 思维导图

- 一、优势比较
    - A. 小型商店
        - 1. 更好的客户服务
            - a. 即时帮助
            - b. 个性化售后支持
        - 2. 一对一产品演示和指导
    - B. 大型超市
        - 1. 广泛的产品选择
            - a. 多品牌供应商
        - 2. 品尝食品和饮料的机会
            - a. 吸引新客户
            - b. 提供更有趣的购物体验

9 关键词