TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you prefer shopping at small retail stores or at big supermarkets that have everything?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 26

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有一些改进空间。首先，你可以更具体地解释为什么在小商店购物更方便，例如提供一些实际的例子来支持你的观点。其次，在讨论大型超市的优点时，可以尝试提出一些反驳意见，以使论证更加全面。

示例1（英文）：To further illustrate the convenience of small stores, one can consider the fact that they often have shorter waiting times at the checkout counter compared to big supermarkets, which can have long queues during peak hours.

示例2（英文）：While it is true that big supermarkets offer a wider range of products, small stores can still provide a carefully curated selection of high-quality items that cater to the specific needs and preferences of their customers.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织角度来看，这篇文章基本上是合理的。然而，在以下几个方面还有改进的空间：首先，在引入段落中，可以更明确地表达自己的观点；其次，在正文段落中，可以使用更多的过渡词和短语来确保段落之间的连贯性；最后，在结论段落中，可以更加简洁地总结文章的主要观点。

示例1（英文）：In the introduction, you could state your position more clearly by saying, "In this essay, I will argue that shopping at small retail stores is a better choice for me due to their personalized environment and convenience."

示例2（英文）：To improve the coherence between paragraphs, you can use transition phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" to connect your ideas. For example: "Furthermore, small retail stores often have a unique selection of products that cater to their customers' needs."

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, although Rory presents a compelling case that big supermarkets can provide more competitive prices and broader choices, I tend to support Amy's opinion that shopping at small retail stores is a wise choice. Apart from Amy's reasons that small stores have personalized environment with direct communication with staff, I want to add another important point that purchasing things in small stores is more convenient. As far as we know, the big supermarkets always located in some commercial areas, which is far from the community people always live in. So once people want to buy something, they often take an hour or more to get there and back, which is a serious waste of time. Unlike big supermarkets, the small retail stores are usually next to where people live. In this way, for the people who want to buy necessities in a short time is a good choice. Take 7-11 (Two consecutive spaces)convenience stores as an example, there are more than 2,000 7-11s in China and, and(comma between independent clauses) they have a store in every community. Consequently, people can buy anything they want in the neighbourhoodneighborhood(misspelling) rather than taking a long way. To sum up, I firmly draw the summary that shopping in small stores is a wise choice for me.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Revised Essay:

While Rory makes a persuasive argument in favor of big supermarkets, highlighting their competitive prices and extensive product selection, I find myself aligning more with Amy's preference for small retail stores. In addition to the personalized environment and direct communication with staff that Amy mentions, I would like to emphasize the convenience factor of shopping at smaller establishments. Large supermarkets are often situated in commercial areas, which can be quite distant from residential communities. Consequently, shoppers may spend a significant amount of time traveling to and from these locations, resulting in wasted time. In contrast, small retail stores are typically located within close proximity to where people live, making them an ideal choice for those seeking to purchase necessities quickly and efficiently. For instance, there are over 2,000 7-Eleven convenience stores in China, with at least one store present in every community. This accessibility allows individuals to easily acquire the items they need without venturing far from home. Therefore, I firmly believe that shopping at small retail stores is a wiser choice for me. (180 words)

From my perspective, although Revised Essay: Section Title: 7 文章批改

While Rory presents makes a compelling case that persuasive argument in favor of big supermarkets can provide more (clarified phrasing), highlighting their competitive prices and broader choices, extensive product selection, I tend to support find myself aligning more with Amy's opinion preference for small retail stores. In addition to the personalized environment and direct communication with staff that Amy mentions (simplified phrasing), I would like to emphasize the convenience factor of shopping at smaller establishments (added "factor" for clarity). Large supermarkets are often situated in commercial areas, which can be quite distant from residential communities (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, shoppers may spend a significant amount of time traveling to and from these locations, resulting in wasted time (rephrased for natural tone). In contrast, small retail stores are typically located within close proximity to where people live (rephrased for clarity), making them an ideal choice for those seeking to purchase necessities quickly and efficiently (rephrased for natural tone). For instance, there are over 2,000 7-Eleven convenience stores in China, with at least one store present in every community (corrected "7-11s" to "7-Eleven"). This accessibility allows individuals to easily acquire the items they need without venturing far from home (rephrased for natural tone). Therefore, I firmly believe that shopping at small retail stores is a wise choice. Apart from Amy's reasons that small stores have personalized environment with direct communication with staff, I want to add another important point that purchasing things in small stores is more convenient. As far as we know, the big supermarkets always located in some commercial areas, which is far from the community people always live in. So once people want to buy something, they often take an hour or more to get there and back, which is a serious waste of time. Unlike big supermarkets, the small retail stores are usually next to where people live. In this way, for the people who want to buy necessities in a short time is a good choice. Take 7-11 convenience stores as an example, there are more than 2,000 7-11s in China and they have a store in every community. Consequently, people can buy anything they want in the neighbourhood rather than taking a long way. To sum up, I firmly draw the summary that shopping in small stores is a wise wiser choice for me.

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Rory's argument for big supermarkets
   - Amy's preference for small retail stores

2. Personalized environment
   - Direct communication with staff

3. Convenience factor
   - Large supermarkets in commercial areas
   - Small retail stores near residential communities

4. Travel time and efficiency
   - Time spent traveling to large supermarkets
   - Quick and efficient shopping at small retail stores

5. Example: 7-Eleven convenience stores in China
   - Over 2,000 locations, at least one in every community

6. Conclusion 
   - Preference for shopping at small retail stores 

Display title: 9 关键词