TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you prefer living in the countryside or the city?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 26 (4.17)

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task, presenting a clear preference for city living and providing reasons related to professional opportunities. However, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on how these opportunities impact the writer's personal life, as well as incorporating Ellie and Greg's points into the discussion for a more balanced argument.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Address Ellie and Greg's points directly by acknowledging their preferences for countryside living and providing counterarguments.

• Elaborate on how professional opportunities in the city affect your personal life beyond career prospects.

Examples:

1. "While Ellie and Greg appreciate the tranquility of countryside living, I believe that the professional opportunities in cities outweigh this benefit."
2. "Living in Taipei not only provides me with better job prospects but also allows me to network with other professionals, enhancing my social life."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by providing clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs, as well as organizing the body paragraphs to address both your preference for city living and responding to Ellie and Greg's points.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Organize body paragraphs to first present your preference for city living followed by addressing Ellie and Greg's points.

Examples:

1. "To begin with, cities offer numerous professional opportunities that are often unavailable in rural areas."
2. "In contrast to Ellie's preference for a quiet environment, I find that the vibrant atmosphere of cities keeps me motivated in my career pursuits."

5. Grammar

While both Ellie and Greg raised valuable points, I personally prefer living in the city because of how cities provide overwhelmingly more professional opportunities. For instance, as a dental student based in Taipei, the capital city of Taiwan, I am able to attend events and talks held by experts frequently. However, for peers attending dental school in my hometown, which is located in the countryside, lack the opportunity and therefore have significantly less knowledge on the latest techniques and technology. This made them less desirable in the job market. Additionally, Taipei have more jobs available, and with a better pay, sometimes nearly two times the pay in my hometown. To conclude I lean towards staying in a big city as it is beneficial for my professional career.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In the ongoing debate between urban and rural living, both Ellie and Greg make compelling arguments for the tranquility of countryside life. However, I find myself drawn to city living due to the abundance of professional opportunities it presents. As a dental student in Taipei, Taiwan's capital, I have frequent access to expert-led events and talks that enrich my education. In contrast, my peers studying in rural areas miss out on these invaluable experiences, leaving them less informed about cutting-edge techniques and technologies. This disparity ultimately renders them less competitive in the job market. Furthermore, cities like Taipei offer a greater number of job openings with significantly higher salaries compared to rural regions – sometimes nearly double. For these reasons, I believe that residing in a major city is advantageous for my professional development. (139 words)

While In the ongoing debate between urban and rural living, both Ellie and Greg raised valuable points, make compelling arguments (revised for clarity and to emphasize that both sides have valid points) for the tranquility of countryside life. However, I personally prefer find myself drawn to city living in the city because of how cities provide overwhelmingly due to the abundance of professional opportunities it presents (rephrased for a more professional opportunities. For instance, as natural tone). As a dental student based in Taipei, the capital Taiwan's capital, I have frequent access to expert-led events and talks that enrich my education (revised for clarity and emphasis on the benefits of city of Taiwan, I am able to attend events and talks held by experts frequently. However, for living). In contrast, my peers attending dental school in my hometown, which is located in the countryside, lack the opportunity and therefore have significantly less knowledge studying in rural areas miss out on the latest techniques and technology. This made these invaluable experiences (rephrased for a more natural tone), leaving them less desirable informed about cutting-edge techniques and technologies. This disparity ultimately renders them less competitive in the job market. Additionally, market (revised for clarity). Furthermore, cities like Taipei have more jobs available, and offer a greater number of job openings with a better pay, significantly higher salaries compared to rural regions – sometimes nearly two times the pay in my hometown. To conclude double (rephrased for a more natural tone). For these reasons, I lean towards staying in a big believe that residing in a major city as it is beneficial advantageous for my professional career.development (rephrased to provide a clear conclusion).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Urban vs. rural living debate
   • Personal preference for city living

2. Professional opportunities

   • Access to expert-led events and talks
   • Enriched education in cities

3. Disadvantages of rural living

   • Limited access to resources and experiences
   • Less informed about new techniques and technologies

4. Job market competitiveness

   • Greater number of job openings in cities
   • Higher salaries in urban areas compared to rural regions

5. Personal experience as a dental student in Taipei, Taiwan's capital

6. Conclusion

   • City living advantageous for professional development

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In the ongoing debate between urban and rural living, both Ellie and Greg make compelling arguments for the tranquility of countryside life. However, I find myself drawn to city living due to the abundance of professional opportunities it presents. As a dental student in Taipei, Taiwan's capital, I have frequent access to expert-led events and talks that enrich my education. In contrast, my peers studying in rural areas miss out on these invaluable experiences, leaving them less informed about cutting-edge techniques and technologies. This disparity ultimately renders them less competitive in the job market. Furthermore, cities like Taipei offer a greater number of job openings with significantly higher salaries compared to rural regions – sometimes nearly double. For these reasons, I believe that residing in a major city is advantageous for my professional development.