TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you believe that professional athletes who receive high salaries, such as basketball and football players, deserve what they get? Share your perspective on this matter and provide reasons to support your stance.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，需要更详细地解释为什么运动员应该获得高薪，并提供更多具体的例子。此外，尽量避免使用重复的词汇和表达。最后，在语法和用词方面也需要注意准确性。

示例1（改进前）：For instance, with high salaries the athletes have earned, they will win more competitions and more people will be effected by their efforts. 示例1（改进后）：For example, higher salaries can motivate athletes to perform better in competitions, inspiring more people to engage in sports activities and adopt a healthier lifestyle.

示例2（改进前）：Moreover, the impact they have made on the country also contributes to the develop of the sports industry. 示例2（改进后）：Furthermore, their achievements not only raise national pride but also contribute significantly to the growth of the sports industry.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构可以更加清晰。建议在开头部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文部分分段阐述论据。每个段落都应该关注一个特定的观点，并提供支持细节。另外，注意在段落之间使用过渡词，使文章更连贯。

示例1（改进前）：However, I concur with Claire's perspective that giving the professional athletes is fair and reasonable, not only because of shows they have provided for the audience and the money they have earned for their teams, but also they make a essential impact on the individual of the nation. 示例1（改进后）：However, I agree with Claire's perspective that high salaries for professional athletes are fair and reasonable. This is not only because they entertain audiences and generate revenue for their teams but also due to their significant impact on individuals and society as a whole.

示例2（改进前）：For instance, with high salaries the athletes have earned, they will win more competitions and more people will be effected by their efforts. 示例2（改进后）：One reason supporting this view is that higher salaries can motivate athletes to excel in competitions. As a result, more people may be inspired by their efforts and choose to participate in sports activities themselves.

5. 语法批改

Andrew's viewpoint that putting more money into other crucial stuff such schools and hospitals seems justifiable. Admittedly, it will contribute to our social progress, making it (Two consecutive spaces)a huge difference. However, I concur with Claire's perspective that giving the professional athletes is fair and reasonable, not only because of shows they have provided for the audience and the money they have earned for their teams, but also they make aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') essential impact on the individual of the nation.

For instance, with high salaries the athletes have earned, they will win more competitions and more people will be effected by their efforts. So under the effects of the athletes, more and more people will be accustomed inaccustomed to(accustomed to) taking part in sports, which is good for their health in a long-term.

Moreover, the impact they have made on the country also contributes to the developto develop(a infinitive) of the sports industry.

Overall, I suppose that the professional athletes deserve the high salaries.

Title: 6 文章修订

While Andrew's argument for allocating more resources to essential sectors such as education and healthcare is valid, I concur with Claire's perspective that rewarding professional athletes with high salaries is both fair and reasonable. This stance is not solely based on the entertainment they provide or the revenue they generate for their teams, but also on the significant influence they have on individuals and society as a whole.

For example, when athletes excel in their respective sports and earn substantial salaries, their success can inspire others to strive for greatness. Consequently, an increasing number of people may become motivated to participate in sports, leading to long-term health benefits and fostering a culture of physical fitness.

Furthermore, the impact of these athletes extends beyond individual well-being; it also contributes to the development of the sports industry. Their achievements can stimulate economic growth by attracting sponsorships, creating job opportunities, and promoting tourism through international events.

In conclusion, considering the myriad ways in which professional athletes positively influence society at various levels, it is justifiable that they receive high salaries commensurate with their contributions. (184 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

While Andrew's viewpoint that putting investing more money into other crucial stuff areas such as schools and hospitals seems justifiable. Admittedly, it will contribute to our social progress, making it a huge difference. However, justifiable (revised for clarity and flow), I concur with Claire's perspective that giving the providing professional athletes with high salaries is fair and reasonable, reasonable. This stance is not only because of the shows (changed to "entertainment" for better word choice) they have provided for the audience and the money they have earned for their teams, but also because they make a an essential (corrected grammar) impact on the individual individuals of the nation.

For instance, with the high salaries the (added "the" for grammatical accuracy) athletes have earned, they will win more competitions competitions, and more people will be effected affected (corrected spelling) by their efforts. So As a result, under the effects of the influence of these athletes, more and more an increasing number of people will be become accustomed to participating in taking part in sports, sports (rephrased for clarity), which is good for their health in a long-term. beneficial for their long-term health.

Moreover, the impact they have made on the country also contributes to the develop development (changed "develop" to "development" for proper word form) of the sports industry.

Overall, I suppose that the professional athletes deserve the their high salaries.salaries (rephrased to improve clarity).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Andrew's argument
   - Claire's perspective
   - Basis of stance

2. Inspiration for others
   - Athletes' success
   - Striving for greatness
   - Health benefits and fitness culture

3. Economic impact
   - Development of sports industry
   - Sponsorships, job opportunities, tourism

4. Conclusion
   - Justification for high salaries

Title: 9 关键词