TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度: 4

• 文章结构与组织: 3

• 连贯性和衔接: 3

• 语言运用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体而言，文章回答了题目，并提出了两个理由来反驳题目中的观点。但是，论证过程中有些地方不够具体和深入。建议在提出论点时，尽量用具体的例子来支持自己的观点，并且深入分析这些例子为什么能够证明你的观点。

示例1： 原文：For example, for most developed countries, it is easy to preserve the wild place because they don't rely on these places to make profits. 修改：For example, countries like the United States and Germany have established national parks and wildlife reserves to protect their wilderness areas while still promoting tourism and generating revenue.

示例2： 原文：Just take some natural reserves in China as an example, Chinese local government in Sichuan divide one natural reserves into two parts. 修改：Take the Wolong National Nature Reserve in China as an example; the local government in Sichuan has divided the reserve into two parts – one for public access and tourism, and the other strictly for preservation and research purposes.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。但在段落之间的衔接和过渡方面还有待加强。建议在段落之间使用更多的过渡词和短语，以帮助读者更好地理解文章的逻辑结构。

示例1： 原文：To commence, it is idealistic to exploit laws to prevent people from harming wilderness areas. 修改：To begin with, relying solely on laws to prevent people from harming wilderness areas may be an idealistic approach.

示例2： 原文：In the second place, with the large stride in technology, scientists have found ways to make profits in the wilderness lands and protect them simutaneouly. 修改：Furthermore, advancements in technology have enabled scientists to find ways to both generate profits from wilderness lands and protect them simultaneously.

5. Grammar

In the statement, the arguer underscores the signficancesignificance(misspelling) of protecting wilderness areas. Since the environments on Earth are degrading, many animals lose their habitats and become endangered species. For instance, the wetlands in Brazil are decreasing at a prodigious rate. It is estimated that all the wetlands would disappear totally in nextthe next(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) generation. Nevertheless, in the past century, Brazilians took up the biggest portion of wetlands in the world and many species flourished there. Many people saw the lucrative point in the wood price and began to cut down trees secretly. In this perspective, it is appropriate to set up laws to preserve these regions. However, I beg to differ thein the(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) statement for two reasons.

To commence, it is idealistic to exploit laws to prevent people from harming wilderness areas. This is because that every nationsnation('every/each' + SINGULAR) or states has different circumstances. Maybe one law in one region is efficient, but it does not work well in another place. For example, for most developed countries, it is easy to preserve the wild place because they don't rely on these places to make profits. To be specific, rich countries can export technological devices to earn money. In the contrast, developing countries desperately need the immediate fund, so they would choose to sacrifice the sustainabiltysustainability(misspelling) of wilderness areas to gain funds. They would export raw materials like wood or coals, and employ the profits to increase infrastractureinfrastructure(misspelling). Under such circumstacescircumstances(misspelling), if laws are made to protect such places, it will be more difficult for poor countries to develop foras(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) that they cannot make the basic currency.

In the second place, with the large stride in technology, scientists have found ways to make profits in the wilderness lands and protect them simutaneoulysimultaneously(misspelling). Just take some natural reserves in China as an example, Chinese local government in Sichuan divide one natural reserves into two parts. One part is to open to the public and the other part is to perservepreserve(misspelling). In the practice, it grants admmisionadmission(misspelling) fees to visit the reserve. And in the reserve, people can visit the lovely pandas, which is oneone of(if (of)) the most endangered species in China. Then the government can take full use the funds to preserve the lands better. Researchers have discovered the secret in the DNA codes of pandas. In this way, the successful rate of breeding increase up to 150%. What's more, scientists are dedicated to preserve the speicesspaces(misspelling) in the wilderness lands. I believe they can overcome problems and succeed in the future.

To recapitulate, (Two consecutive spaces)while it is true that passing laws to protect wilderness lands can allievatealleviate(misspelling) problems to some extent, it is impractical for all the nations to adopt this stragetystrategy(misspelling) for that some areas are the capstones of some countries and, and(comma between independent clauses) they count on these regions to bring about economic benefits. Furthermore, with the help of technology, people will discover new ways to protect the wilderness areas.

6.文章修订

In the statement, the arguer emphasizes the importance of protecting wilderness areas. As Earth's environments continue to degrade, many animals lose their habitats and become endangered species. For instance, Brazil's wetlands are decreasing at an alarming rate, with estimates suggesting they may disappear entirely within a generation. In the past century, Brazil possessed the largest portion of wetlands globally, providing a flourishing habitat for numerous species. However, as people recognized the lucrative potential in wood prices, illegal logging became rampant. From this perspective, implementing laws to preserve these regions seems appropriate. Nevertheless, I disagree with the statement for two reasons.

To begin with, relying solely on laws to prevent people from harming wilderness areas may be an idealistic approach since every nation or state has different circumstances. A law that is efficient in one region might not work well in another place. For example, it is relatively easy for developed countries to preserve wilderness areas because they do not rely on these places for profit generation. Specifically, wealthy countries can export technological devices to earn money. In contrast, developing countries desperately need immediate funds and may choose to sacrifice the sustainability of wilderness areas for economic gain. They often export raw materials like wood or coal and use the profits to improve infrastructure. Under such circumstances, if laws are enacted to protect these places, it will be more challenging for poorer countries to develop as they cannot generate basic currency.

Furthermore, advancements in technology have enabled scientists to find ways to both generate profits from wilderness lands and protect them simultaneously. Take the Wolong National Nature Reserve in China as an example; the local government in Sichuan has divided the reserve into two parts – one for public access and tourism and another strictly for preservation and research purposes. By charging admission fees for visiting the reserve where people can see pandas – one of China's most endangered species – authorities can use these funds to better preserve the land.

Researchers have also discovered the secret in pandas' DNA codes, increasing the success rate of breeding by up to 150%. Moreover, scientists are dedicated to preserving species in wilderness areas, and with continued efforts, they will likely overcome challenges and succeed in the future.

In conclusion, while passing laws to protect wilderness lands can alleviate problems to some extent, it is impractical for all nations to adopt this strategy. Some areas serve as economic cornerstones for countries that rely on these regions for financial benefits. Additionally, with the help of technology, people will discover new ways to protect wilderness areas without hindering economic growth. Thus, a more comprehensive approach that considers each nation's unique circumstances and leverages technological advancements is necessary for effective preservation of our planet's remaining wilderness areas. (461 words)

7.文章批改

In the statement, the arguer underscores the signficance emphasizes the importance of protecting wilderness areas. Since the areas (revised for clarity and word choice). As Earth's environments on Earth are degrading, continue to degrade (revised for smoother phrasing), many animals lose their habitats and become endangered species. For instance, the Brazil's wetlands in Brazil are decreasing at an alarming rate (revised for more accurate vocabulary), with estimates suggesting they may disappear entirely within a prodigious rate. It is estimated that all the wetlands would disappear totally in next generation. Nevertheless, in In the past century, Brazilians took up the biggest Brazil possessed the largest portion of wetlands in the world and many species flourished there. Many globally (revised for clarity), providing a flourishing habitat for numerous species. However, as people saw recognized the lucrative point in the potential in wood price and began to cut down trees secretly. In prices (revised for smoother phrasing), illegal logging became rampant. From this perspective, it is appropriate to set up implementing laws to preserve these regions. However, regions seems appropriate. Nevertheless, I beg to differ disagree with the statement for two reasons.

To commence, it is idealistic to exploit begin with, relying solely on laws to prevent people from harming wilderness areas. This is because that areas may be an idealistic approach (revised for smoother phrasing) since every nations nation or states state has different circumstances. Maybe one A law that is efficient in one region is efficient, but it does might not work well in another place. place (revised for clarity). For example, for most developed countries, it is relatively easy for developed countries to preserve the wild place wilderness areas because they don't do not rely on these places to make profits. To be specific, rich for profit generation (revised for smoother phrasing). Specifically, wealthy countries can export technological devices to earn money. In the contrast, developing countries desperately need the immediate fund, so they would funds and may choose to sacrifice the sustainabilty sustainability of wilderness areas to for economic gain funds. (revised for clearer expression). They would often export raw materials like wood or coals, and employ coal and use the profits to increase infrastracture. improve infrastructure. Under such circumstaces, circumstances, if laws are made enacted to protect such places, these places (revised for better word choice), it will be more difficult for poor challenging for poorer countries to develop for that as they cannot make the generate basic currency.

In the second place, with the large stride in technology, Furthermore, advancements in technology have enabled scientists have found to find ways to make both generate profits in the from wilderness lands and protect them simutaneouly. Just take some natural reserves simultaneously (revised for smoother phrasing). Take the Wolong National Nature Reserve in China as an example, Chinese example; the local government in Sichuan divide one natural reserves has divided the reserve into two parts. One part is to open to the parts – one for public and the other part is to perserve. In the practice, it grants admmision access and tourism and another strictly for preservation and research purposes (revised for clarity). By charging admission fees to visit the reserve. And in the reserve, for visiting the reserve where people can visit the lovely pandas, which is see pandas – one the of China's most endangered species in China. Then the government – authorities can take full use the these funds to better preserve the lands better. land (revised for smoother phrasing).

Researchers have also discovered the secret in the pandas' DNA codes of pandas. In this way, the successful codes, increasing the success rate of breeding increase by up to 150%. What's more, 150% (revised for clarity). Moreover, scientists are dedicated to preserve the speices in the wilderness lands. I believe preserving species in wilderness areas (revised for smoother phrasing), and with continued efforts, they can will likely overcome problems challenges and succeed in the future.

To recapitulate, In conclusion, while it is true that passing laws to protect wilderness lands can allievate alleviate problems to some extent, extent (revised for smoother phrasing), it is impractical for all the nations to adopt this stragety for strategy. Some areas serve as economic cornerstones for countries that some areas are the capstones of some countries and they count rely on these regions to bring about economic benefits. Furthermore, for financial benefits (revised for clearer expression). Additionally, with the help of technology, people will discover new ways to protect the wilderness areas.wilderness areas without hindering economic growth (revised for smoother phrasing). Thus, a more comprehensive approach that considers each nation's unique circumstances and leverages technological advancements is necessary for effective preservation of our planet's remaining wilderness areas (revised for clearer expression and stronger conclusion).

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Impracticality of passing laws to protect wilderness areas for all nations
  • Topic sentence 1: Different circumstances in nations or states
    • Sub-topic: Developed countries
      • Supporting example: Exporting technological devices for profit
    • Sub-topic: Developing countries
      • Supporting example: Exporting raw materials for immediate funds and infrastructure improvement
  • Topic sentence 2: Advancements in technology for simultaneous profit and protection
    • Sub-topic: Wolong National Nature Reserve in China
      • Supporting example: Dividing the reserve into two parts for public access and preservation
    • Sub-topic: Panda breeding success rate increase through DNA research
  • Conclusion: Comprehensive approach considering unique circumstances and leveraging technology

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Sub-opinion: International cooperation

   • Explanation: Collaborative efforts between nations can help protect wilderness areas.
   • Supporting example: The Amazon rainforest protection efforts involving multiple South American countries.

2. Sub-opinion: Community-based conservation

   • Explanation: Local communities can play a crucial role in preserving wilderness areas.
   • Supporting example: Indigenous people in Australia managing and protecting their ancestral lands.

3. Sub-opinion: Ecotourism

   • Explanation: Promoting responsible tourism can generate income while preserving the environment.
   • Supporting example: Costa Rica's successful ecotourism industry, which protects biodiversity and supports the local economy.

4. Sub-opinion: Reforestation programs

   • Explanation: Planting trees and restoring damaged ecosystems can help protect wilderness areas.
   • Supporting example: The Great Green Wall initiative in Africa, aimed at combating desertification and preserving biodiversity.

5. Sub-opinion: Education and awareness campaigns

   • Explanation: Raising public awareness about the importance of protecting wilderness areas can lead to positive change.
   • Supporting example: Wildlife conservation campaigns by organizations like WWF that educate people about endangered species and their habitats.