TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: Many people think technological devices such as smartphones, tablets , and mobile phones bring more advantages than disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

1. Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2. Estimated Scores

• TOEFL iBT Writing Score: 25

3. Task Completeness The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of using smartphones and tablets. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and focus on the topic. To improve, consider:

• Clearly stating your position in the introduction (agree or disagree) and reiterating it in the conclusion.

• Providing more specific examples to support your points.

• Avoiding repetition of ideas.

Example improvements: Original: "In my perspective, I advocate that the advantages of utilizing digital advices far outweigh the disadvantages." Improved: "I strongly agree that the benefits of using smartphones and tablets significantly outweigh their drawbacks."

Original: "For example, various on-line shopping APPs downloaded from smartphone make individual’s life wonderful and convenient." Improved: "For instance, online shopping apps like Amazon and eBay allow users to purchase items with just a few taps on their smartphones, saving time and effort."

4. Essay Structure and Organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where organization could be improved:

• Using clearer transitions between ideas.

• Ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main point.

Example improvements: Original: "Firstly, Smartphone could boost working efficiency." Improved: "One major advantage of smartphones is their ability to increase work efficiency."

Original: "Admittedly, everything has two sides, smartphone is no exception." Improved: "On the other hand, there are some disadvantages associated with excessive smartphone use."

5. Grammar

When it comes to 21st century, people’s lives have been dramatically changed. Airplane, smartphone, and computers. However, everything has two sides. Therefore, there is a hot discussion among people concerning about the advantages and disadvantages about using smartphones and tablets. In my perspective, I advocate that the advantages of utilizing digital advices far outweigh the disadvantages.

Firstly, Smartphone could boost working efficiency. forFor(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) example, there are numerous on-line meeting APPsApps(misspelling) downloaded from smartphone, Zoom and Tencent, could be available for working staff to choose freely. Employees don’t have to spend tons of time on commuting back and forthcommuting(commute back and forth (commute)) and on-line meeting APPsApps(misspelling) could handle myriad routine and less significant meetings, like new staff orientation, rules of company, and work reports. Plus, on-line meeting platforms downloaded from smartphone helps overcome the obstacles of transcontinental meetings requirements. Staff from different countries could gather together by on-line meeting APPsApps(misspelling), discussing and making reports. The saved time could be spent on more innovative and creative stuff, which might contribute more to promote productivity for the company.

Secondly, convenience provided for people’s daily lives might be another appealing reason to elaborate my point. For example, various on-line shopping APPsApps(misspelling) downloaded from smartphone make individual’s life wonderful and convenient. Plenty of precious time could be saved by shopping on-line because people don’t have to travel back and forth to shop in a physical store. For example, in the past without convenience provided by smartphones, people had to spend almost 2 average hours on shopping in the markets and stores. Therefore, the time idled on shopping in a physical store could be consumed on doing other fantastic things such as doing exercises, reading books, and watching movies. Life has become more convenient and comfortable compared to the past without smartphones.

Admittedly, everything has two sides, smartphone is no exception. For example, because of the convenience of smartphones provided for people, individuals might spend too much time on it, chatting, playing games or whatever. For example, according to the statistical data presented by a scientific research institution, 80% people in America spend almost 7 average hours on their daily activities related to digital phone, leading to a dramaticaldramatic(misspelling) decline to chat with their intimate family members and relatives, which is bad for people’s health both in terms of physically and mentally. Spending too much time on smartphone for those things I just mentioned might render a negative impact on harmonious relationship between family members. However, the disadvantages I just mentioned could be tackled by time-management skills. For example, apart from necessary usage of smartphones, individuals could set up for themselves rules on utilizing digital devices and conduct the rules strictly in a controlled manner. Replacing the bad habit of idling on smartphone with a warm chatting with family members or reading a book. Gradually, if individuals are doing the right things enough times, your brains will be rewritten, forming much healthier choices.

In light of the points I just mentioned, it would be safe for me to make a conclusion that the advantages of using smartphone far outweigh the disadvantages of it.

6. Revised Essay

In the 21st century, people's lives have been dramatically transformed by technological advancements such as smartphones, tablets, and computers. These devices have generated considerable debate regarding their advantages and disadvantages. I strongly agree that the benefits of using smartphones and tablets significantly outweigh their drawbacks.

One major advantage of smartphones is their ability to increase work efficiency. For instance, numerous online meeting applications like Zoom and Tencent Meeting can be easily accessed on smartphones, providing employees with a range of options for virtual collaboration. This eliminates the need for time-consuming commutes and allows employees to handle various routine meetings such as new staff orientation, company policy briefings, and work report presentations more efficiently. Moreover, online meeting platforms enable seamless transcontinental communication among staff members from different countries. The time saved can be allocated to more innovative and creative tasks, ultimately enhancing productivity for companies.

Another appealing aspect of smartphones is the convenience they offer in daily life. Online shopping apps like Amazon and eBay allow users to purchase items with just a few taps on their smartphones, saving time and effort that would otherwise be spent traveling to physical stores. In the past, individuals had to spend an average of two hours shopping in markets and stores; now, this time can be used for other enjoyable activities such as exercising, reading books or watching movies. Life has become more convenient and comfortable compared to the era before smartphones.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages associated with excessive smartphone use. Due to their convenience, individuals may spend too much time on their devices engaging in activities such as chatting or playing games. According to a study conducted by a scientific research institution, 80% of Americans spend an average of seven hours daily on smartphone-related activities; this has led to a significant decline in face-to-face interactions with family members and relatives which can negatively impact both physical and mental health. Excessive smartphone use may also strain familial relationships.

However, these disadvantages can be mitigated through effective time management skills. Individuals can establish rules for themselves regarding digital device usage and adhere to them in a controlled manner. For example, replacing the habit of idling on smartphones with engaging in meaningful conversations with family members or reading a book can foster healthier choices. Over time, consistently making better decisions will rewire the brain, promoting more positive habits.

In conclusion, the advantages of using smartphones and tablets far outweigh their disadvantages. These devices have revolutionized work efficiency and daily convenience while also presenting some challenges that can be addressed through proper time management and self-discipline. By harnessing the benefits of technology while minimizing its drawbacks, individuals can continue to enjoy the many advantages that smartphones and tablets offer. (459 words)

When it comes to 7. Essay Grading

In the 21st century, people’s people's lives have been dramatically changed. Airplane, smartphone, transformed by technological advancements such as smartphones, tablets, and computers. However, everything has two sides. Therefore, there is a hot discussion among people concerning about the (Changed "changed" to "transformed" for a stronger impact) These devices have generated considerable debate regarding their advantages and disadvantages about disadvantages. I strongly agree that the benefits of using smartphones and tablets. In my perspective, I advocate that the advantages of utilizing digital advices far tablets significantly outweigh the disadvantages. their drawbacks. (Clarified the position in the introduction)

Firstly, Smartphone could boost working One major advantage of smartphones is their ability to increase work efficiency. for example, there are (Improved transition) For instance, numerous on-line online meeting APPs downloaded from smartphone, applications like Zoom and Tencent, could Tencent Meeting can be available for working staff to choose freely. Employees don’t have to spend tons of time easily accessed on commuting back and forth and on-line meeting APPs could smartphones, providing employees with a range of options for virtual collaboration. (Rephrased for clarity) This eliminates the need for time-consuming commutes and allows employees to handle myriad various routine and less significant meetings, like meetings such as new staff orientation, rules of company, company policy briefings, and work reports. Plus, on-line report presentations more efficiently. Moreover, online meeting platforms downloaded from smartphone helps overcome the obstacles of enable seamless transcontinental meetings requirements. Staff communication among staff members from different countries could gather together by on-line meeting APPs, discussing and making reports. countries. The time saved can be allocated to more innovative and creative tasks, ultimately enhancing productivity for companies.

Another appealing aspect of smartphones is the convenience they offer in daily life. Online shopping apps like Amazon and eBay allow users to purchase items with just a few taps on their smartphones, saving time could and effort that would otherwise be spent on more innovative and creative stuff, which might contribute more to promote productivity for the company. ¶ Secondly, convenience provided for people’s daily lives might traveling to physical stores. (Provided specific examples) In the past, individuals had to spend an average of two hours shopping in markets and stores; now, this time can be another appealing reason to elaborate my point. For example, various on-line shopping APPs downloaded from smartphone make individual’s life wonderful and convenient. Plenty of precious time could be saved by shopping on-line because people don’t have to travel back and forth to shop in a physical store. For example, in the past without convenience provided by smartphones, people had to spend almost 2 average hours on shopping in the markets and stores. Therefore, the time idled on shopping in a physical store could be consumed on doing used for other fantastic things enjoyable activities such as doing exercises, exercising, reading books, and books or watching movies. Life has become more convenient and comfortable compared to the past without era before smartphones.

Admittedly, everything has two sides, On the other hand, there are some disadvantages associated with excessive smartphone is no exception. For example, because of the convenience of smartphones provided for people, use. (Improved transition) Due to their convenience, individuals might may spend too much time on it, chatting, their devices engaging in activities such as chatting or playing games or whatever. For example, according to the statistical data presented games. According to a study conducted by a scientific research institution, 80% people in America of Americans spend almost 7 an average of seven hours daily on their daily activities related to digital phone, leading to a dramatical smartphone-related activities; this has led to a significant decline to chat in face-to-face interactions with their intimate family members and relatives, relatives which is bad for people’s health can negatively impact both in terms of physically and mentally. Spending too much physical and mental health. (Rephrased for clarity) Excessive smartphone use may also strain familial relationships.

However, these disadvantages can be mitigated through effective time on smartphone for those things I just mentioned might render a negative impact on harmonious relationship between family members. However, the disadvantages I just mentioned could be tackled by time-management management skills. Individuals can establish rules for themselves regarding digital device usage and adhere to them in a controlled manner. (Rephrased for clarity) For example, apart from necessary usage of smartphones, individuals could set up for themselves rules on utilizing digital devices and conduct the rules strictly in a controlled manner. Replacing the bad replacing the habit of idling on smartphone smartphones with a warm chatting engaging in meaningful conversations with family members or reading a book. Gradually, if individuals are doing the right things enough times, your brains will be rewritten, forming much book can foster healthier choices. Over time, consistently making better decisions will rewire the brain, promoting more positive habits.

In light of the points I just mentioned, it would be safe for me to make a conclusion that conclusion, the advantages of using smartphone smartphones and tablets far outweigh the disadvantages of it.their disadvantages. These devices have revolutionized work efficiency and daily convenience while also presenting some challenges that can be addressed through proper time management and self-discipline. (Strengthened conclusion) By harnessing the benefits of technology while minimizing its drawbacks, individuals can continue to enjoy the many advantages that smartphones and tablets offer.

8. Mind Map

• Thesis statement: Benefits of smartphones and tablets outweigh drawbacks
  • Topic 1: Work efficiency
    • Sub-topic: Online meeting applications
      • Supporting example: Zoom and Tencent Meeting
  • Topic 2: Daily convenience
    • Sub-topic: Online shopping apps
      • Supporting example: Amazon and eBay
  • Topic 3: Disadvantages of excessive smartphone use
    • Sub-topic: Decline in face-to-face interactions
      • Supporting example: Study by a scientific research institution
  • Topic 4: Mitigating disadvantages through time management skills
    • Sub-topic: Establishing rules for digital device usage
      • Supporting example: Replacing idling on smartphones with meaningful conversations or reading books

9. Key Words

10. Additional Examples

11. Mobile banking apps allow users to manage their finances on-the-go, reducing the need for visiting physical bank branches.

12. Health and fitness apps encourage users to track their exercise routines and maintain a healthy lifestyle by providing personalized workout plans and diet recommendations.

13. Educational apps offer a wide range of learning resources, making it easier for students to access information and study materials at any time.

14. Navigation apps like Google Maps have made traveling more convenient by providing real-time traffic updates, public transit schedules, and turn-by-turn directions.

15. Social media platforms on smartphones have made it easier for people to stay connected with friends and family, share experiences, and discover new interests.