TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: impact of social media that brings to people

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，文章对于社交媒体对人们的影响进行了较为全面的讨论。但是，有些地方可以进一步改进。首先，文章开头部分可以更具针对性地提出主题。其次，在正文部分，可以通过具体的例子来更好地说明观点。

示例1： 原文：In real world, social media became the most popular thing. 修改：In today's world, social media has become an integral part of people's lives, significantly impacting various aspects of our daily activities.

示例2： 原文：For instance, the Amazon Rainforest fire spread. 修改：For instance, when the Amazon Rainforest fire occurred, it was through social media that the news spread rapidly and garnered global attention.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面有待提高。建议在写作时注意以下几点：首先，确保引言、正文和结论部分清晰明确；其次，在正文部分，每段落都应该围绕一个中心观点展开，并给出相应的支持细节；最后，注意在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词汇。

示例1： 原文：However, social media also provides enough harms to people. 修改：On the other hand, social media also has its negative impacts on people, such as cyberbullying.

示例2： 原文：While it brings us harms, it also amuse us. 修改：Although social media has its drawbacks, it also serves as a source of entertainment and connection for many people.

5. 语法批改

In real world, social media became the most popular thing. For every secondsall seconds('each' or 'every' with plural nouns) there must be a person looking down at their phone and watching funny videos. Even you might get connected with social media. Social media is a powerful communications medium, with widespread influence over cities as well as remote areas. However, it is only part of the digital revolution that we are witnessing. Digital transformation has not only influenced businesses and made the world more accessible, but it has also changed the way we communicate. According to Oberlo, as of 2019, there are 3.2 billion social media users all around the world, which is about 42% of the Earth’s population. In addition, there are roughly 4.5 billion internet uses across the world today. These statistics are proof of the growing dominance of digital media in our daily lives. So, the question is: how has social media emerged as a powerful communications medium?

First, Social media has taken over the business sphere, the advertising sphere and additionally, the education sector. It has had a long-lasting impact on the way people communicate and has now become an integral part of their lives. For instance, WhatsApp has redefined the culture of IMs (instant messaging) and taken it to a whole new level. Today, you can text anyone across the globe as long as you have an internet connection. This transformation has not only been brought about by WhatsApp but also Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram. The importance of social media in communication is a constant topic of discussion. For instance, the Amazon Rainforest fire spread. Only because of one single post, it quickly spreads all around the world, only by social media. Hence, you can see how important social media does only by posting a few informationfew information('information' as a plural noun) online and then spreads to every single of us.

Second, social media influenced the way we communicate. Social media has changed the way healthcare services are carried out. Rather than physically visiting a doctor for your ailments, you can now speak to a virtual doctor who will suggest medications based on your symptoms. Some doctors even consult with patients over Skype calls to better understand their ailments. While this poses a great advantage for patients who do not want to pay a visit to the clinic, it also comes with its share of risks. The chances of non-qualifiednonqualified(Hyphenated words: non-qualified) individuals posing as doctors are high. Moreover, it is difficult to confirm a doctor’s credibility by the look of their profile online. However, if used appropriately, this can be a beneficial resource for people worldwide. Also, social media controls disaster management. Global warming has affected our planet to the extent that natural calamities make headlines every other day. In the face of this, social media has become a savioursavior(misspelling), enabling relief funds, information and support can be sent and accessed more easily. For example, the safety check feature on Facebook allows you to mark yourself safe in disaster zones, helping your friends and family know that you are safe, in case there is no other medium of communication available. Social media can also give mental support to everyone in the world. Thanks to social media, people are getting messages through social media apps and having mental support by watching funny videos and posts. People can find support with the video and therefore creating an effect of laughing. Now you can see how social media brings to us.

However, social media also provides enough harms to people. Cyberbullying can be one of them. When people saw something they dislike, they will spread negative commands into the chatboxchâteaux(misspelling), making ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') negative effect for the blogger. This can cause serious issues, since the blogger might suicide their self because they can’t face the reality. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data showing that 14.9 percent of adolescents have been cyberbullied and 13.6 percent of adolescents have made a serious suicide attempt. Their parents might also scaredscare(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) to face the reality, since their child get suicide. Such a mad story! So, social media can harmsharm(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) people by cyber bullyingcyberbullying(cyber security (cybersecurity)).

Overall, social media can be either good or bad, since it can be used as an advertisement and a good tool to communicate, but also provide harms like cyberbully. You can’t judge whether social media is good or not. Even though people knowsknow(people + 3rd person verb) how much it will harmsharm(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs), they still watch videos online and chat with a weirdo that you might not even know his or her name. While it brings us harms, it also amuseamuses('it' + non-3rd person verb) us. The funny video can prevent us from loneliness. It also spread things more quickly. Everyone might have their own opinion about social media, whether it was good or bad. In my opinion, social media is good since it keeps me entertained. I love watching videos online, and iI(i vs. I) believe most of us here also thinks so. In the future, maybe social media will present another way and gives us more benefits than it actually harms, but who knows? We shall see what is happening next.

6.文章修订

In today's world, social media has become an integral part of people's lives, significantly impacting various aspects of our daily activities. With 3.2 billion users worldwide, social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram have transformed the way we communicate and interact with one another. This essay will discuss the positive and negative impacts of social media on people.

Firstly, social media has revolutionized the business sphere, advertising industry, and education sector. It has facilitated global communication and made it easier for people to stay connected with friends and family. For example, WhatsApp has redefined instant messaging by allowing users to send texts to anyone across the globe as long as they have an internet connection. Moreover, when the Amazon Rainforest fire occurred, it was through social media that the news spread rapidly and garnered global attention.

Secondly, social media has influenced various sectors such as healthcare services and disaster management. Virtual consultations with doctors have become possible through platforms like Skype, providing patients with more accessible healthcare options. Additionally, in times of natural calamities, social media enables relief funds and support to be sent more easily. Facebook's safety check feature allows users to mark themselves safe in disaster zones so that their friends and family can be informed about their well-being.

However, despite its numerous benefits, social media also has its negative impacts on people's lives. One such issue is cyberbullying; when individuals spread negativity online or harass others through comments or messages. This can lead to severe consequences for victims who may experience depression or even resort to suicide due to the emotional distress caused by cyberbullying.

To mitigate these negative effects of social media use on individuals' mental health and well-being, it is essential for users to practice responsible online behavior by refraining from engaging in harmful activities such as cyberbullying or spreading false information.

In conclusion, while social media has undoubtedly brought about significant positive changes in various aspects of our lives, it is crucial to acknowledge and address its potential negative impacts. By promoting responsible use and implementing measures to combat issues such as cyberbullying, we can ensure that social media continues to serve as a valuable tool for communication, connection, and entertainment without causing harm to its users.

Essay statistics: {"words": 352, "unique_words": 208} (383 words)

7.文章批改

In real today's world, social media became the most popular thing. For every seconds there must be a person looking down at their phone and watching funny videos. Even you might get connected with social media. Social media is a powerful communications medium, with widespread influence over cities as well as remote areas. However, it is only part of the digital revolution that we are witnessing. Digital transformation has not only influenced businesses and made the world more accessible, but it has also changed the way we communicate. According to Oberlo, as of 2019, there are 3.2 billion social media users all around the world, which is about 42% of the Earth’s population. In addition, there are roughly 4.5 billion internet uses across the world today. These statistics are proof of the growing dominance of digital media in our daily lives. So, the question is: how has social media emerged as a powerful communications medium? ¶ First, Social media has taken over the business sphere, the advertising sphere and additionally, the education sector. It has had a long-lasting impact on the way people communicate and has now has become an integral part of their lives. people's lives, significantly impacting various aspects of our daily activities. (Revised for a more formal and concise introduction) With 3.2 billion users worldwide, social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram have transformed the way we communicate and interact with one another. (Improved sentence structure for clarity) This essay will discuss the positive and negative impacts of social media on people.

Firstly, social media has revolutionized the business sphere, advertising industry, and education sector. (Rephrased for a smoother transition) It has facilitated global communication and made it easier for people to stay connected with friends and family. For instance, example, WhatsApp has redefined the culture of IMs (instant messaging) and taken it to a whole new level. Today, you can text messaging by allowing users to send texts to anyone across the globe as long as you they have an internet connection. This transformation has not only been brought about by WhatsApp but also Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram. The importance of social media in communication is a constant topic of discussion. For instance, (Clarified the example) Moreover, when the Amazon Rainforest fire spread. Only because of one single post, occurred, it quickly spreads all around the world, only by social media. Hence, you can see how important social media does only by posting a few information online and then spreads to every single of us. ¶ Second, social media was through social media that the news spread rapidly and garnered global attention. (Expanded on the example)

Secondly, social media has influenced the way we communicate. Social media has changed the way various sectors such as healthcare services are carried out. Rather than physically visiting a doctor for your ailments, you can now speak to a virtual doctor who will suggest medications based on your symptoms. Some doctors even consult with patients over Skype calls to better understand their ailments. While this poses a great advantage for patients who do not want to pay a visit to the clinic, it also comes with its share of risks. The chances of non-qualified individuals posing as doctors are high. Moreover, it is difficult to confirm a doctor’s credibility by the look of their profile online. However, if used appropriately, this can be a beneficial resource for people worldwide. Also, social media controls and disaster management. Global warming has affected our planet to the extent that Virtual consultations with doctors have become possible through platforms like Skype, providing patients with more accessible healthcare options. (Enhanced sentence structure for clarity) Additionally, in times of natural calamities make headlines every other day. In the face of this, social media has become a saviour, enabling calamities, social media enables relief funds, information funds and support can to be sent and accessed more easily. For example, the Facebook's safety check feature on Facebook allows you users to mark yourself themselves safe in disaster zones, helping your zones so that their friends and family know that you are safe, in case there is no other medium of communication available. Social media can also give mental support to everyone in the world. Thanks to social media, people are getting messages through social media apps and having mental support by watching funny videos and posts. People can find support with the video and therefore creating an effect of laughing. Now you can see how social media brings to us. ¶ However, social media also provides enough harms to people. Cyberbullying can be one of them. When people saw something they dislike, they will informed about their well-being. (Improved sentence flow)

However, despite its numerous benefits, social media also has its negative impacts on people's lives. One such issue is cyberbullying; when individuals spread negative commands into the chatbox, making an negative effect for the blogger. negativity online or harass others through comments or messages. This can cause serious issues, since the blogger might lead to severe consequences for victims who may experience depression or even resort to suicide their self because they can’t face the reality. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data showing due to the emotional distress caused by cyberbullying. (Refined sentence structure and word choice for clarity)

To mitigate these negative effects of social media use on individuals' mental health and well-being, it is essential for users to practice responsible online behavior by refraining from engaging in harmful activities such as cyberbullying or spreading false information. (Revised sentence structure for better flow)

In conclusion, while social media has undoubtedly brought about significant positive changes in various aspects of our lives, it is crucial to acknowledge and address its potential negative impacts. By promoting responsible use and implementing measures to combat issues such as cyberbullying, we can ensure that 14.9 percent of adolescents have been cyberbullied and 13.6 percent of adolescents have made social media continues to serve as a serious suicide attempt. Their parents might also scared to face the reality, since their child get suicide. Such a mad story! So, social media can harms people valuable tool for communication, connection, and entertainment without causing harm to its users. (Strengthened the conclusion by cyber bullying. ¶ Overall, social media can be either good or bad, since it can be used as an advertisement and a good tool to communicate, but also provide harms like cyberbully. You can’t judge whether social media is good or not. Even though people knows how much it will harms, they still watch videos online and chat with a weirdo that you might not even know his or her name. While it brings us harms, it also amuse us. The funny video can prevent us from loneliness. It also spread things more quickly. Everyone might have their own opinion about social media, whether it was good or bad. In my opinion, social media is good since it keeps me entertained. I love watching videos online, and i believe most of us here also thinks so. In the future, maybe social media will present another way and gives us more benefits than it actually harms, but who knows? We shall see what is happening next.summarizing the main points and emphasizing the importance of responsible use)

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Positive and negative impacts of social media on people
  • Topic 1: Revolutionized communication
    • Sub-topic: Business, advertising, and education sectors
    • Example: WhatsApp's global instant messaging
  • Topic 2: Influenced various sectors
    • Sub-topic: Healthcare services and disaster management
    • Example: Virtual consultations with doctors via Skype, Facebook's safety check feature
  • Topic 3: Negative impacts of social media
    • Sub-topic: Cyberbullying and mental health issues
    • Example: Emotional distress leading to depression or suicide among victims
  • Conclusion: Importance of responsible use and addressing potential negative impacts

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Social media has made it easier for people to stay informed about current events and global news, leading to a more knowledgeable society.

2. Social media platforms have provided businesses with new opportunities for marketing and customer engagement, leading to increased revenue and growth.

3. The widespread use of social media has led to the rise of influencers who can shape public opinion on various topics, both positively and negatively.

4. Social media can help people develop new friendships and connections, potentially leading to increased social support and improved mental well-being.

5. The addictive nature of social media can lead to decreased productivity and a negative impact on personal relationships as users spend excessive amounts of time online.