TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 2 Sample: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, people put too much emphasis on personal appearance and fashion.

1.子项得分 任务完成度：3 组织：3 连贯与衔接：3 语言使用：2

2.预估分数

20. 3.任务完成度

你的文章基本上回答了题目，但是在论证方面还需要加强。建议你在文章中提供更多具体的例子和详细的解释来支持你的观点。此外，尝试从不同角度讨论问题，以使论证更加全面。

示例1： 改进前：Better appearance can help person to build confidence. 改进后：A better appearance can help a person build confidence, as it often leads to positive feedback from others, which in turn boosts self-esteem.

示例2： 改进前：Excellent appearance is a base for finding a decent job. 改进后：An excellent appearance is essential for finding a decent job, as it demonstrates professionalism and attention to detail, which are qualities that employers value.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构基本清晰，但是在段落划分和过渡方面还有待提高。建议你在每个段落中明确表达一个主要观点，并使用恰当的过渡词汇来连接不同段落和观点。

建议1（简体中文）： 将每个段落的主题句放在段首，以便读者更容易理解段落的主要内容。

示例1： 改进前：It’s not rare that people pay more attention on their personal appearance. 改进后：While it is common for people to pay attention to their personal appearance, I believe that the emphasis on it is not excessive.

建议2（简体中文）： 使用过渡词汇来连接不同段落和观点，使文章更加连贯。

示例2： 改进前：Better appearance can help person to build confidence. 改进后：Furthermore, a better appearance can help a person build confidence.

5. 语法批改

It’s not rare that people pay more attention onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) their personal appearance. However, do people put too much emphasis on appearance? In my opinion, people don’t spend too much time on this, especially in considering how important to find a job and build up confidence.

Excellent appearance is a base for finding a decent job. Actually, a person is always able to keep a good appearance can get more favorable opptunitates[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling). A person who pay more attention on he/she’s appearance has more advantage that who doesn’t do that. Take my brother as an example. Two years ago, he attended an interview in the company which he is working in. He spent a lot of time on investigating their dress code, and he present him neatly. Finally, he got the offer. After that, his boss told him there was a lady who compete with him. The lady failed in the interview because of her bad personal appearance. I have heard a lot of similar experience. It’s never too much to put emphasis on personal appearance, especially when youyou're(Detects potentially wrong usage of "you") trying to get a job.

Better appearance can help persona person(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) to build confidence. In our society, a huge mount of people always feel unconfident because of theirthey're(they're (their)) the way they look. Once people begin to emphasize their appearance, things will get better. My sister JaneJane,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) who was a fat and shy girl, and even afraid to talk with classmates, became aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') optimistic and confident girl after she did a lot of practice. With the changing of appearance. She told me that she was feeling great after changing. In conclusion, an emphasis on personal appearance can change everything.

AbsolutlyAbsolutely(misspelling), it spends a lot of time and money on appearance and fashion. Someone can’t afford the costing in maintaining the appearance. However, the benefits of pay more attention on appearance can not be ignored. It (Two consecutive spaces)The benefits of improving social standing, building confidence and job outlook are worthy. What’s more, with our income’s improving, it is affordable to maintain the appearance for most people.

In, conclusion, although we have to spend a part of money on it, the advantages are obvious, especially in job seeking and building confidence. Thus, I think people don’t pay too much attention on appearance and fashion today.

6.文章修订

While it is common for people to pay attention to their personal appearance, I believe that the emphasis on it is not excessive, especially when considering its importance in finding a job and building confidence.

An excellent appearance is essential for finding a decent job, as it demonstrates professionalism and attention to detail, qualities that employers value. In fact, individuals who maintain a good appearance are more likely to receive favorable opportunities. For instance, my brother attended an interview at the company where he now works. He spent considerable time researching their dress code and presented himself neatly. As a result, he received the job offer. His boss later informed him that another candidate failed the interview due to her poor personal appearance. This example illustrates the significance of emphasizing personal appearance when seeking employment.

Furthermore, a better appearance can help a person build confidence, as it often leads to positive feedback from others, which in turn boosts self-esteem. My sister Jane used to be overweight and shy, even afraid to interact with her classmates. However, after dedicating herself to improving her appearance through exercise and healthier habits, she transformed into an optimistic and confident individual. This transformation demonstrates how placing importance on personal appearance can lead to positive changes in one's life.

Admittedly, maintaining one's appearance and staying fashionable can be time-consuming and expensive. Some individuals may struggle with the costs associated with keeping up appearances. However, the benefits of prioritizing personal appearance should not be overlooked. Improving social standing, building confidence, and enhancing job prospects are all worthwhile outcomes of this investment in oneself.

Moreover, as people's incomes improve over time, maintaining one's appearance becomes more affordable for most individuals. The financial cost of prioritizing personal appearance should be viewed as an investment in oneself rather than an unnecessary expense.

In conclusion, although investing in one's personal appearance requires both time and money, the advantages are undeniable—particularly in terms of job-seeking and confidence-building. Therefore, I maintain that people today do not place too much emphasis on appearance and fashion. Instead, this focus is a reflection of the value that society places on presenting oneself professionally and confidently in various aspects of life. (365 words)

It’s 7.文章批改

While it is common for people to pay attention to their personal appearance, I believe that the emphasis on it is not rare excessive (Changed "too much" to "not excessive" for a more formal tone), especially when considering its importance in finding a job and building confidence.

An excellent appearance is essential for finding a decent job, as it demonstrates professionalism and attention to detail (Added "professionalism and attention to detail" to provide specific reasons), qualities that employers value. In fact, individuals who maintain a good appearance are more likely to receive favorable opportunities (Rephrased for clarity). For instance, my brother attended an interview at the company where he now works. He spent considerable time researching their dress code and presented himself neatly (Changed "present him neatly" to "presented himself neatly" for correct grammar). As a result, he received the job offer. His boss later informed him that another candidate failed the interview due to her poor personal appearance. This example illustrates the significance of emphasizing personal appearance when seeking employment.

Furthermore, a better appearance can help a person build confidence, as it often leads to positive feedback from others (Added "positive feedback from others" for clarification), which in turn boosts self-esteem. My sister Jane used to be overweight and shy, even afraid to interact with her classmates. However, after dedicating herself to improving her appearance through exercise and healthier habits (Rephrased for clarity), she transformed into an optimistic and confident individual. This transformation demonstrates how placing importance on personal appearance can lead to positive changes in one's life.

Admittedly, maintaining one's appearance and staying fashionable can be time-consuming and expensive (Rephrased for clarity). Some individuals may struggle with the costs associated with keeping up appearances. However, the benefits of prioritizing personal appearance should not be overlooked (Changed "ignored" to "overlooked" for a more formal tone). Improving social standing, building confidence, and enhancing job prospects are all worthwhile outcomes of this investment in oneself (Rephrased for clarity).

Moreover, as people's incomes improve over time, maintaining one's appearance becomes more affordable for most individuals (Rephrased for clarity). The financial cost of prioritizing personal appearance should be viewed as an investment in oneself rather than an unnecessary expense (Rephrased for a more formal tone).

In conclusion, although investing in one's personal appearance requires both time and money (Changed "spend" to "investing" for a more formal tone), the advantages are undeniable—particularly in terms of job-seeking and confidence-building. Therefore, I maintain that people pay more attention on their personal appearance. However, today do people put not place too much emphasis on appearance? In my opinion, people don’t spend too much time on this, especially in considering how important to find a job and build up confidence. ¶ Excellent appearance is a base for finding a decent job. Actually, a person is always able to keep a good appearance can get more favorable opptunitates. A person who pay more attention on he/she’s appearance has more advantage that who doesn’t do that. Take my brother as an example. Two years ago, he attended an interview in the company which he is working in. He spent a lot of time on investigating their dress code, and he present him neatly. Finally, he got the offer. After that, his boss told him there was a lady who compete with him. The lady failed in the interview because of her bad personal appearance. I have heard a lot of similar experience. It’s never too much to put emphasis on personal appearance, especially when you trying to get a job. ¶ Better appearance can help person to build confidence. In our society, a huge mount of people always feel unconfident because of their the way they look. Once people begin to emphasize their appearance, things will get better. My sister Jane who was a fat and shy girl, and even afraid to talk with classmates, became a optimistic and confident girl after she did a lot of practice. With the changing of appearance. She told me that she was feeling great after changing. In conclusion, an emphasis on personal appearance can change everything. ¶ Absolutly, it spends a lot of time and money on appearance and fashion. Someone can’t afford the costing in maintaining the appearance. However, the benefits of pay more attention on appearance can not be ignored. It The benefits of improving social standing, building confidence and job outlook are worthy. What’s more, with our income’s improving, it is affordable to maintain the appearance for most people. ¶ In, conclusion, although we have to spend a part of money on it, the advantages are obvious, especially in job seeking and building confidence. Thus, I think people don’t appearance and fashion (Changed "don't pay too much attention attention" to "do not place too much emphasis" for a more formal tone). Instead, this focus is a reflection of the value that society places on appearance and fashion today.presenting oneself professionally and confidently in various aspects of life (Added this sentence to provide a stronger conclusion).

8.思维导图

• Thesis statement: Emphasis on personal appearance is not excessive
  • Topic sentence 1: Importance in finding a job
    • Sub-topic: Professionalism and attention to detail
    • Supporting example: Brother's job interview
  • Topic sentence 2: Building confidence
    • Sub-topic: Positive feedback from others
    • Supporting example: Sister Jane's transformation
  • Topic sentence 3: Time-consuming and expensive, but worth it
    • Sub-topic: Investment in oneself
    • Supporting example: Improving social standing, confidence, and job prospects
  • Conclusion: Focus on appearance reflects societal values

9.关键词

10.补充示例

1. Employees who dress professionally are often perceived as more competent and reliable, leading to increased opportunities for promotions and career advancement.

2. People who prioritize their appearance may be more likely to engage in regular exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle, resulting in improved physical and mental well-being.

3. In the business world, first impressions are crucial; a polished appearance can make a significant difference when networking or meeting potential clients.

4. Personal grooming and hygiene are essential aspects of maintaining a positive self-image, which can contribute to improved mental health and overall happiness.

5. In some industries, such as fashion or entertainment, personal appearance plays a critical role in one's success and is therefore worth the investment of time and resources.