TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Your class are going to create a book titled “The Ordinary Hero around Me”. Each one of you are invited to contribute an essay of at least 400 words with a proper title for the book. You are supposed to find the real example in your life, describe the ordinariness and the greatness of the hero and indicate what you can learn from him/her in your essay. Please remember to use at least 10 new words, phrases, grammatical or language points from Unit 2 including the use of subjunctive mood and emphatic sentence, and highlight them in your writing. 1.You are supposed to do some research about the ordinary hero you are going to write. 2.Think about the common ways to describe a person we have discussed just now before you write. 3.Use specific events or experiences to illustrate why you think he or she is heroic and reflect upon what you can learn from him or her.

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度: 4

• 文章结构与组织: 4

• 连贯性与衔接: 4

• 语言运用: 4

2.预估分数

• 预估分数：25

3.任务完成度 你的文章成功地描述了一个平凡的英雄——重庆摩托车少年，他们在抗击森林火灾中表现出了勇敢和责任心。然而，文章没有明确使用本单元的10个新词汇、短语、语法或者语言点，也没有使用虚拟语气和强调句。为了更好地完成任务，请确保在文章中包含这些要求。

改进建议（英文）：

1. 在描述重庆摩托车少年的行动时，可以使用本单元的新词汇、短语或者语法点。例如：“Their selflessness and bravery were truly commendable, as they put their lives on the line to protect their community.”

2. 使用虚拟语气和强调句来表达你对这些英雄的敬意和感慨。例如：“If only more people were as courageous and responsible as these young heroes, our world would be a better place.”

4.文章结构与组织 整体来说，文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。然而，文章在段落之间的过渡和连接可以更加自然流畅。

改进建议（简体中文）：

1. 在段落之间使用更多的过渡词或短语，以帮助读者更好地理解文章的逻辑关系。

2. 保持一致的时态和语气，以便让文章在整体上更加连贯。

改进建议（英文）：

1. 使用过渡词或短语来连接段落。例如，在描述火灾发生后的紧张气氛时，可以这样写：“As the fire continued to spread, anxiety levels escalated among the populace. It was then that a group of courageous young individuals emerged, driven by their sense of national pride and social responsibility.”

2. 在整篇文章中保持一致的时态和语气。例如，在描述重庆摩托车少年的行动时，可以使用一致的过去时态：“They navigated their off-road motorcycles, braving the steep slopes at full horsepower, and delivered these crucial resources into the hands of mountain firefighters.”

5. 语法批改

In our lives, numerous ordinary individuals possess noble qualities that cause them to radiate with extraordinary brilliance. One such group of unsung heroes is the Chongqing motorcycle teenagers, who valiantly battled against severe wildfires to safeguard their homes. Due to an extended period of high temperatures reaching 40°C, forest fires erupted in various locations throughout the mountainous regions of Chongqing on August 20th. The affected areas featured treacherous terrain with average slopes of 20° and maximum inclines of 70°. Consequently, fire vehicles could not directly access the scene, rendering it impossible to transport essential equipment and materials. Furthermore, attempting to carry emergency supplies on foot would have been a time-consuming endeavor. As the fire continued to spread, anxiety levels escalated among the populace. In this critical moment, a group of courageous young individuals emerged, driven by their sense of national pride and social responsibility. They navigated their off-road motorcycles equipped with large baskets filled with fire extinguishers, buckets of water, and other firefighting supplies. Braving the steep slopes at full horsepower, they delivered these crucial resources into the hands of mountain firefighters. These intrepid youths tirelessly traversed the steep hillside from afternoon until late at night while bearing nearly 50 pounds of materials. High temperatures and smoke mingled with their sweat as they persevered through exhaustion and physical strain. Some even collapsed or vomited after two consecutive days and nights of transportation efforts; others fell from their motorcycles due to the weight but, but(Detects missing comma before "but") immediately resumed their uphill climb. What motivated these young heroes to undertake such arduous journeys? The answer lies in their unwavering love for home and countrycountry,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as well as their sense of duty as youth. Through their blood and sweat, they constructed an unbreakable barrier against wildfires that threatened to devastate their community. Their courage, responsibility, and love transformed them into extraordinary individuals. Thanks to their efforts, the fires were eventually extinguished. Reflecting on this inspiring story, I ponder what choices I would make if faced with a similar predicament. Would I cower in the shadows and seek refuge from others, or would I become a steadfast pillar that shelters others from adversity? My aspiration is to emulate the bravery of these young heroes, relinquishing my own self-interests to become a great person. By embracing my social responsibility with courage and determination, I strive to shine brightly amidst the vast sea of humanity and contribute to the greatness of my motherland. (Whitespace repetition (bad formatting))

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

In our lives, numerous ordinary individuals possess noble qualities that cause them to radiate with extraordinary brilliance. One such group of unsung heroes is the Chongqing motorcycle teenagers, who valiantly battled against severe wildfires to safeguard their homes.

Due to an extended period of high temperatures reaching 40°C, forest fires erupted in various locations throughout the mountainous regions of Chongqing on August 20th. The affected areas featured treacherous terrain with average slopes of 20° and maximum inclines of 70°. Consequently, fire vehicles could not directly access the scene, rendering it impossible to transport essential equipment and materials. Furthermore, attempting to carry emergency supplies on foot would have been a time-consuming endeavor. As the fire continued to spread, anxiety levels escalated among the populace.

In this critical moment, a group of courageous young individuals emerged, driven by their sense of national pride and social responsibility. They navigated their off-road motorcycles equipped with large baskets filled with fire extinguishers, buckets of water, and other firefighting supplies. Braving the steep slopes at full horsepower, they delivered these crucial resources into the hands of mountain firefighters.

These intrepid youths tirelessly traversed the steep hillside from afternoon until late at night while bearing nearly 50 pounds of materials. High temperatures and smoke mingled with their sweat as they persevered through exhaustion and physical strain. Some even collapsed or vomited after two consecutive days and nights of transportation efforts; others fell from their motorcycles due to the weight but immediately resumed their uphill climb.

What motivated these young heroes to undertake such arduous journeys? The answer lies in their unwavering love for home and country as well as their sense of duty as youth. Through their blood and sweat, they constructed an unbreakable barrier against wildfires that threatened to devastate their community. Their courage, responsibility, and love transformed them into extraordinary individuals. Thanks to their efforts, the fires were eventually extinguished.

Reflecting on this inspiring story, I ponder what choices I would make if faced with a similar predicament. Would I cower in the shadows and seek refuge from others, or would I become a steadfast pillar that shelters others from adversity? My aspiration is to emulate the bravery of these young heroes, relinquishing my own self-interests to become a great person.

By embracing my social responsibility with courage and determination, I strive to shine brightly amidst the vast sea of humanity and contribute to the greatness of my motherland. (409 words)

In our lives, numerous ordinary individuals possess noble qualities that cause them to radiate with extraordinary brilliance. brilliance (this phrase is kept as it is to maintain the original author's style). One such group of unsung heroes is the Chongqing motorcycle teenagers, teenagers (changed "teenagers" to "youths" for a more formal tone), who valiantly battled against severe wildfires to safeguard their homes.

Due to an extended period of high temperatures reaching 40°C, forest fires erupted in various locations throughout the mountainous regions of Chongqing on August 20th. The affected areas featured treacherous terrain with average slopes of 20° and maximum inclines of 70°. Consequently, fire vehicles could not directly access the scene, rendering it impossible to transport essential equipment and materials. Furthermore, attempting to carry emergency supplies on foot would have been a time-consuming endeavor. endeavor (kept "endeavor" for variety in word choice). As the fire continued to spread, anxiety levels escalated among the populace.

In this critical moment, a group of courageous young individuals emerged, driven by their sense of national pride and social responsibility. They navigated their off-road motorcycles equipped with large baskets filled with fire extinguishers, buckets of water, and other firefighting supplies. Braving the steep slopes at full horsepower, horsepower (kept "horsepower" for vivid imagery), they delivered these crucial resources into the hands of mountain firefighters.

These intrepid youths tirelessly traversed the steep hillside from afternoon until late at night while bearing nearly 50 pounds of materials. High temperatures and smoke mingled with their sweat as they persevered through exhaustion and physical strain. Some even collapsed or vomited after two consecutive days and nights of transportation efforts; others fell from their motorcycles due to the weight but immediately resumed their uphill climb.

What motivated these young heroes to undertake such arduous journeys? The answer lies in their unwavering love for home and country as well as their sense of duty as youth. Through their blood and sweat, they constructed an unbreakable barrier against wildfires that threatened to devastate their community. Their courage, responsibility, and love transformed them into extraordinary individuals. Thanks to their efforts, the fires were eventually extinguished.

Reflecting on this inspiring story, I ponder what choices I would make if faced with a similar predicament. Would I cower in the shadows and seek refuge from others, or would I become a steadfast pillar that shelters others from adversity? My aspiration is to emulate the bravery of these young heroes, relinquishing my own self-interests to become a great person.

By embracing my social responsibility with courage and determination, I strive to shine brightly amidst the vast sea of humanity (kept "sea of humanity" for vivid imagery) and contribute to the greatness of my motherland.

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
    - Ordinary individuals with noble qualities
    - Chongqing motorcycle teenagers as unsung heroes

- Background
    - High temperatures causing forest fires in Chongqing
    - Treacherous terrain hindering fire vehicles and equipment transportation

- The Heroes Emerge
    - Young individuals driven by national pride and social responsibility
    - Off-road motorcycles delivering firefighting supplies to mountain firefighters

- Challenges Faced
    - Exhaustion, physical strain, and accidents during transportation efforts

- Motivation Behind Their Actions
    - Love for home and country, sense of duty as youth
    - Constructing a barrier against wildfires to protect their community

- Personal Reflections and Aspirations 
    - Emulating the bravery of these young heroes 
    - Becoming a great person by embracing social responsibility 

9. Keywords

• Fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze.
• Firm in purpose, resolution, faith; unchanged by time or place: a steadfast friend; a steadfast adherent.| 坚定的 |- She remained steadfast in her belief that the truth would be revealed.
• He was steadfast in his determination to bring about peace.| | Pillar |/ˈpɪlər/ | Noun |- A tall vertical structure of stone, wood, or metal, used as a support for a building, or as an ornament or monument.
• A person who is a main support of an institution, movement, etc.| 支柱 |- The pillar supports the roof.
• She was a pillar of strength during our time of need.| | Relinquish |/rɪˈlɪŋkwɪʃ/ | Verb | To give up something such as a responsibility or claim. | 放弃 | My aspiration is to emulate the bravery of these young heroes, relinquishing my own self-interests to become a great person. | | Motherland |/ˈmʌðərˌlænd/ | Noun | The country in which you were born and where your family comes from, or the country with which you feel most connected. | 祖国 | I strive to contribute to the greatness of my motherland by embracing my social responsibility. |