TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response wil be judged on the basis of the quality of your writing andon how wel your response presents the points in the lecture and their relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an efective response wilbe 150 to 225 words.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，文章较好地回应了题目要求，阐述了听力材料中的观点，并与阅读材料进行了对比。但是，有些地方可以进一步改进。首先，在引用听力材料时，可以更详细地描述一些具体的事实和例子。此外，在总结听力讲座中的观点时，尽量避免使用过于简单的句子结构。

示例1： 原文：On the other hand, workers could work during winters to solve the disease problem because mosquitoes didn't active during winters. 改进：On the other hand, to address the issue of malaria caused by mosquitoes in wetlands, workers strategically chose to work during winter when mosquitoes were inactive.

示例2： 原文：Now people and goods only needed 6 days by the Erie Canal, before, it could costed them 6 weeks. 改进：With the completion of the Erie Canal, travel time for people and goods was significantly reduced from six weeks to just six days.

4.文章结构与组织 虽然文章具有基本的结构（引言、正文和结论），但在组织方面仍有改进空间。首先，建议在引言部分简要概括阅读和听力材料的主要观点，以便为读者提供背景信息。其次，正文段落可以更加清晰地分析每个观点，使用恰当的过渡词汇来衔接不同的想法。最后，在结论部分总结文章的主要观点，并指出听力材料如何驳斥阅读材料中提出的挑战。

示例1： 原文：The reading passage presents three challenges that Erie Canal would not be successful. Nonetheless, the professor in the listening material refutes these challenges, deeming the challenges could be overcomed. 改进：The reading passage presents three challenges that cast doubt on the success of the Erie Canal. However, the professor in the listening material refutes these challenges by providing solutions to overcome them.

示例2： 原文：Therefore, there were enough people could deal with the difficult work by corincident. 改进：As a result, a sufficient number of workers were available to tackle the challenging task of constructing the canal due to this fortunate coincidence.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage presents three challenges that Erie Canal would not be successful. Nonetheless, the professor in the listening material refutes these challenges, deeming the challenges could be overcomedovercame(misspelling).

Firstly, the passage asserts that the too many trees needed to be cut down to build the canal, in the meantime, the mosquitoes in the wetlands would make the workers fall ill. However, the lecturer argues that tree problems could be solved by developing new and useful devices. And animals could help the process, saving labors for cutting trees. On the other hand, workers could work during winters to solve the disease problem because mosquitoes didn't active during winters.

Secondly, the passage counters that there weren't enough workers in the United States to complete this project. Contrary to the reading, the professor argues that there are enough Europe immigrants who were eageringwagering(misspelling) for jobs rushed into U.S. during that period. Therefore, there were enough people could deal with the difficult work by corincidentcoincident(misspelling).

Lastly, the passage challenges that the benefits yielded from the Erie Canal couldn't justify its costs. Nevertheless, the professor disagrees with this statement. She thinks the trades waswere(Detects potentially wrong usage of "was") difficult before the Erie Canal was built, people couldn't get there easily, and also hard to get back. But the situations could be changed by the Erie CanalCanal,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which could decrease the diffcultiesdifficulties(misspelling). Now people and goods only needed 6 days by the Erie Canal, before, it could costedcost(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) them 6 weeks. And the costs are decreased significantly, it costs people 100 dolarsdollars(misspelling) to go overland, but only 10 dolarsdollars(misspelling) to go waterway.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage presents three challenges that critics believed would prevent the Erie Canal from being successful. However, the professor in the listening material refutes these challenges, demonstrating that they could be overcome.

Firstly, the passage asserts that the local terrain and landscape posed significant difficulties, such as the need to clear numerous trees and the risk of workers falling ill from malaria in wetland areas. In contrast, the lecturer explains that innovative devices were developed to assist with tree removal, while animals like oxen could help expedite the process. Furthermore, working during winter months mitigated the risk of malaria since mosquitoes are not active during this time.

Secondly, the passage contends that there was an insufficient workforce in the United States to complete such a massive project. Contrary to this claim, the professor points out that a large influx of European immigrants arrived in the U.S. around this time seeking employment opportunities. Consequently, there was an adequate labor force available to tackle this challenging endeavor.

Lastly, critics argued that the benefits derived from constructing the Erie Canal would not justify its high costs. Nevertheless, the professor disputes this assertion by highlighting how difficult and expensive it was for people and goods to reach or leave the Midwest prior to its completion. The construction of the Erie Canal dramatically reduced travel time from six weeks to just six days and significantly decreased shipping costs – from $100 overland to a mere $10 via waterway – thus facilitating commerce between coastal regions and America's interior. (257 words)

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage presents three challenges that critics believed would prevent the Erie Canal would not be successful. Nonetheless, from being successful (changed for clarity and to avoid repetition). However, the professor in the listening material refutes these challenges, deeming the challenges demonstrating that they could be overcomed. overcome (revised for better word choice).

Firstly, the passage asserts that the too many local terrain and landscape posed significant difficulties, such as the need to clear numerous trees needed to be cut down to build the canal, and the risk of workers falling ill from malaria in the meantime, the mosquitoes in the wetlands would make the workers fall ill. However, wetland areas (rephrased for clarity). In contrast, the lecturer argues that explains that innovative devices were developed to assist with tree problems could be solved by developing new and useful devices. And removal, while animals like oxen could help the process, saving labors for cutting trees. On the other hand, workers could work expedite the process (clarified point). Furthermore, working during winters to solve the disease problem because winter months mitigated the risk of malaria since mosquitoes didn't are not active during winters. this time (rephrased for better flow).

Secondly, the passage counters contends that there weren't enough workers was an insufficient workforce in the United States to complete this project. such a massive project (rephrased for clarity). Contrary to the reading, this claim, the professor argues that points out that a large influx of European immigrants arrived in the U.S. around this time seeking employment opportunities (clarified point). Consequently, there are enough Europe immigrants who were eagering for jobs rushed into U.S. during that period. Therefore, there were enough people could deal with the difficult work by corincident. was an adequate labor force available to tackle this challenging endeavor (rephrased for better flow).

Lastly, the passage challenges critics argued that the benefits yielded from derived from constructing the Erie Canal couldn't would not justify its costs. high costs (rephrased for clarity). Nevertheless, the professor disagrees with this statement. She thinks the trades disputes this assertion by highlighting how difficult and expensive it was difficult before for people and goods to reach or leave the Midwest prior to its completion (clarified point). The construction of the Erie Canal was built, people couldn't get there easily, and also hard to get back. But the situations could be changed by the Erie Canal which could decrease the diffculties. Now people and goods only needed 6 dramatically reduced travel time from six weeks to just six days by the Erie Canal, before, it could costed them 6 weeks. And the and significantly decreased shipping costs are decreased significantly, it costs people 100 dolars to go overland, but only 10 dolars to go waterway.– from $100 overland to a mere $10 via waterway – thus facilitating commerce between coastal regions and America's interior (rephrased for better flow and clarity).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: critics' challenges
  - Listening material: professor's refutations

- Challenge 1: Terrain and Landscape
  - Reading passage: tree clearing, malaria risk
  - Listening material: innovative devices, oxen, winter work

- Challenge 2: Insufficient Workforce
  - Reading passage: lack of workers in the U.S.
  - Listening material: European immigrants seeking employment

- Challenge 3: Cost vs. Benefits
  - Reading passage: high costs not justified by benefits
  - Listening material: reduced travel time, decreased shipping costs, facilitated commerce

- Conclusion

9. Keywords