TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Will fines and litter picks stop people littering ?

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Estimated Score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay addresses the question of whether fines and litter picks will stop people from littering. However, it could be improved by focusing more on the specific points mentioned in the reading and listening materials. The essay would benefit from a clearer comparison between the two sources and a more concise conclusion.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include specific details from both the reading and listening materials to support your points.

• Compare and contrast the arguments presented in both sources.

Examples:

1. "According to the reading passage, imposing fines has been successful in reducing litter problems in some Scottish schools. However, the listening material suggests that stretching the law to include school students might needlessly criminalize them."

2. "While both sources agree that fines can have a deterrent effect on littering, they differ in their opinions on whether this approach is appropriate for school students."

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs, as well as organizing the body paragraphs more effectively to focus on specific points from the reading and listening materials.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

• Organize body paragraphs to focus on specific points from both sources.

Examples:

1. "In contrast to the reading passage's argument that fines are effective deterrents, the listening material raises concerns about criminalizing students."

2. "Although both sources acknowledge that fines can have an impact on littering behavior, they differ in their views on whether this approach is suitable for school students."

5. Grammar

Scotland has proposed a successful trail in school ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) students will be given an 80$$80(Position of currency symbols: '100$' ($100)) fine if they are caught littering. If they are not able to pay the fines, they will be forced to attend litter picks activities ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) The proposal has proved huge discussion about the effectiveness of fines and litter picks on stopping people littering. This essay will examine the pros and cons of fines and litters picks on changing people’s fly-tipping behavior.

One major advantage of fines is its deterrent effects on reducing litter and littering behaviors. Fines are effective when people perceived likelihood of receiving a penalty. For example, 0n 7th December, HK government has proposed to double the littering fine from 1500 to 3000. After the policy enforced, the 87% of interviewees said they will not fly-tipping under so expensive penalty.

Meanwhile, the educational effect of litter picks cannot be ignored ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) On the one hand, attending litter picks offers an opportunity to know about how these litters pollute their communities and experience the hard work of cleaners. On the other hand, litter pick activities could contribute to the clean and tidy environment of communitythe community(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) and reduce the cleaning burden on the cleaners. In Scotland, fines and litter picks significantly improve the litter problems in school.

However, opponents argued that fines and litter picks do not appear to be effective on preventing littering. Research shows that public perception of the likelihood of being fined for an offenceoffense(misspelling) is low, which occupied less than 30%. People would put the chances of being fined very low. Others said that being fined taught them to litter more carefully.

Moreover, the enormous works and expenses on enforcement is another shortage of littering fined policy. Lots of time and efforts need to be put on the works involved patrol, and give fines. A fine means a lot of work, it is very long windedlong-winded(Hyphenated words: long winded) and involves a lot of administration. If people contest the fines, they have to go to court and produces more works.

In conclusion, fines and litter picks play deterrent effects and educational roles on preventing littering. While, the low public percentage of the likelihood of being fined ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) and multifarious and complex administration work for enforcement is criticized by public. I think littering fines are necessary as a deterrent, and the government should rise public awareness of preventing littering through varietya variety(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) of activities.

6. Revised Essay

Scotland has recently implemented a successful trial in schools, where students are given an $80 fine if they are caught littering. If they are unable to pay the fines, they will be required to attend litter pick activities. This proposal has sparked significant discussion about the effectiveness of fines and litter picks in stopping people from littering. This essay will examine the pros and cons of fines and litter picks on changing people's fly-tipping behavior.

One major advantage of fines is their deterrent effect on reducing litter and littering behaviors. Fines are effective when people perceive a likelihood of receiving a penalty. For instance, on December 7th, the Hong Kong government proposed doubling the littering fine from $1500 to $3000. After the policy was enforced, 87% of interviewees said they would not fly-tip under such an expensive penalty.

Simultaneously, the educational impact of litter picks cannot be ignored. On one hand, attending litter picks offers an opportunity for individuals to learn about how these litters pollute their communities and experience the hard work of cleaners. On the other hand, litter pick activities contribute to a clean and tidy environment within communities and reduce the cleaning burden on sanitation workers. In Scotland, fines and litter picks have significantly improved school litter problems.

However, opponents argue that fines and litter picks do not appear to be effective in preventing littering overall. Research shows that public perception of the likelihood of being fined for an offense is low, occupying less than 30%. People tend to put their chances of being fined very low. Others have said that being fined taught them to be more careful when disposing of their trash.

Furthermore, the enormous work and expenses associated with enforcing anti-littering policies present another drawback for this approach. A considerable amount of time and effort must be dedicated to patrolling areas and issuing fines. A fine entails substantial administrative work; it is very long-winded and involves extensive paperwork. If people contest the fines, they have to go to court, which generates even more work.

In light of these points, fines and litter picks play both deterrent and educational roles in preventing littering. However, the low public perception of the likelihood of being fined and the multifarious and complex administrative work required for enforcement have been criticized by the public. It is essential to consider that littering fines are necessary as a deterrent, but the government should also raise public awareness of preventing littering through various activities. (415 words)

Scotland has proposed recently implemented a successful trail trial in school , schools, where students will be are given an 80$ $80 fine if they are caught littering. littering (changed "proposed" to "implemented" and "trail" to "trial" for clarity). If they are not able unable to pay the fines, they will be forced required to attend litter picks pick activities . The (changed "forced" to "required" for a more neutral tone). This proposal has proved huge sparked significant discussion about the effectiveness of fines and litter picks on in stopping people littering. from littering (rephrased for better flow). This essay will examine the pros and cons of fines and litters litter picks on changing people’s people's fly-tipping behavior.

One major advantage of fines is its their deterrent effects effect on reducing litter and littering behaviors. behaviors (rephrased for clarity). Fines are effective when people perceived perceive a likelihood of receiving a penalty. For example, 0n 7th December, HK instance, on December 7th, the Hong Kong government has proposed to double doubling the littering fine from 1500 to 3000. $1500 to $3000 (corrected date format and added location for context). After the policy was enforced, the 87% of interviewees said they will would not fly-tipping fly-tip under so such an expensive penalty. penalty (rephrased for better flow).

Meanwhile, Simultaneously, the educational effect impact of litter picks cannot be ignored (changed "Meanwhile" to "Simultaneously" for better flow). On the one hand, attending litter picks offers an opportunity to know for individuals to learn about how these litters pollute their communities and experience the hard work of cleaners. cleaners (rephrased for clarity). On the other hand, litter pick activities could contribute to the a clean and tidy environment of community within communities and reduce the cleaning burden on the cleaners. sanitation workers (rephrased for better flow). In Scotland, fines and litter picks have significantly improve the litter problems in school. improved school litter problems.

However, opponents argued argue that fines and litter picks do not appear to be effective on in preventing littering. littering overall (rephrased for clarity). Research shows that public perception of the likelihood of being fined for an offence offense is low, which occupied occupying less than 30%. 30% (rephrased for better flow). People would tend to put the their chances of being fined very low. Others have said that being fined taught them to litter be more carefully. careful when disposing of their trash (rephrased for better flow).

Moreover, Furthermore, the enormous works work and expenses on enforcement is associated with enforcing anti-littering policies present another shortage of littering fined policy. Lots drawback for this approach (rephrased for clarity). A considerable amount of time and efforts need to effort must be put on the works involved patrol, and give dedicated to patrolling areas and issuing fines. A fine means a lot of work, entails substantial administrative work; it is very long winded long-winded and involves a lot of administration. extensive paperwork (rephrased for better flow). If people contest the fines, they have to go to court and produces court, which generates even more works. work.

In conclusion, light of these points, fines and litter picks play both deterrent effects and educational roles on in preventing littering. While, littering (rephrased for clarity). However, the low public percentage perception of the likelihood of being fined , and and the multifarious and complex administration administrative work required for enforcement is have been criticized by public. I think the public (rephrased for better flow). It is essential to consider that littering fines are necessary as a deterrent, and but the government should rise also raise public awareness of preventing littering through variety of activities.various activities (rephrased for better flow).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Scotland's trial in schools
  - Fines and litter picks as solutions to littering

- Pros of fines
  - Deterrent effect
    - Hong Kong example

- Pros of litter picks
  - Educational impact
    - Learning about pollution and cleaner's work
    - Contribute to clean environment and reduced burden on sanitation workers
    - Scotland's success with fines and litter picks in schools

- Cons of fines and litter picks
  - Low public perception of being fined (less than 30%)
    - People underestimate chances of being fined, leading to continued littering behavior 
  - Enormous work and expenses associated with enforcement 
    - Patrolling, issuing fines, administrative work, court cases if contested 

- Conclusion 
  - Fines and litter picks have deterrent and educational roles but face challenges 
  - Government should raise public awareness through various activities alongside fines 

9. Key Words