TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: summarize the points made in the reading, be sure to explain how they respond to specific points in the reading

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 25

3.任务完成度 整体而言，文章回答了题目要求的问题，但在某些方面还有改进的空间。首先，在提到听力部分的观点时，可以更详细地解释为什么这些观点有效地反驳了阅读部分的论点。此外，在总结部分，可以更明确地指出听力部分是如何质疑阅读材料中关于人类导致渡渡鸟灭绝的观点。

示例1（改进前）：So it's impossible for hunters to consume animals that were widely considered unpleasant. 示例1（改进后）：So it's unlikely that sailors would have hunted dodo birds extensively for food, as they were widely considered unpalatable.

示例2（改进前）：Thus, we shouldn't place the blame on people for dodo's extinction. 示例2（改进后）：Thus, the listening suggests that human actions may not be the sole cause of the dodo's extinction, as adverse weather patterns played a significant role.

4.文章结构与组织 The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and provides supporting details from both the reading and listening passages. However, there is room for improvement in terms of transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Suggestion 1: Use more varied transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Example 1 (Before): Firstly, the reading claims... Conversely, the speaker refutes... Example 1 (After): To begin with, the reading claims... On the other hand, the speaker refutes...

Suggestion 2: Improve paragraph structure by starting with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of the paragraph. Example 2 (Before): The reading primarily outlines three ways... Example 2 (After): The essay aims to summarize and compare the points made in both the reading and listening passages regarding human impact on dodo bird extinction.

5. 语法批改

The reading primarily outlines three ways that humans contributed and accerlatedacerbated(misspelling) the extinction of dodo birds. However, the listening challenges what is stated in the reading passage by presenting three compelling counterarguments to undermine their validity.

Firstly, the reading claims that dodo birds are hunted by sailors since they are innately trusting and fearless of people. Conversely, the speaker refutes this point by stating that surviving journals and documents indicate that people found dodo birds too tough to eat. So it's impossible for hunters to consume animals that were widely considered unpleasant.

Secondly, the reading asserts that deforestation destroy habitateshabitats(misspelling) of dodo birds and decreased resources they rely on, hence dodo compete for food, consequently leading to their extinction. In contrast, the speaker maintains an opposite opinion, arguing that dodo birds were not affected by such human activity. That is, they don't have known predators, thus, they build nests on the ground. As a result, deforestation has minialminimal(misspelling) effect on their reproduction and habitat resources.

Finally, the reading posits that newa new(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) disease was introduced to the island where dodo lived. Nevertheless, the speaker opposes this idea by mentioning that weather patterns isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") the major contributor to dodo birds' extinction. For example, massive cyclonscyclone(misspelling) in typhoons strike the island and creates unfavorable weather conditions for dodo, which have a davastatingdevastating(misspelling) impact on them. Thus, we shouldn't place the blame on people for dodo's extinction.

In summary, each point made in the reading to explain how people led to dodo birds' extinction is effectively countered by the listening.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading primarily outlines three ways that humans contributed and accelerated the extinction of dodo birds. However, the listening challenges what is stated in the reading passage by presenting three compelling counterarguments to undermine their validity.

Firstly, the reading claims that dodo birds were hunted by sailors since they were innately trusting and fearless of people. Conversely, the speaker refutes this point by stating that surviving journals and documents indicate that people found dodo birds too tough to eat. So it's impossible for hunters to consume animals that were widely considered unpleasant.

Secondly, the reading asserts that deforestation destroyed habitats of dodo birds and decreased resources they relied on, hence dodos competed for food, consequently leading to their extinction. In contrast, the speaker maintains an opposite opinion, arguing that dodo birds were not affected by such human activity. That is, they didn't have known predators; thus, they built nests on the ground. As a result, deforestation had minimal effect on their reproduction and habitat resources.

Finally, the reading posits that new diseases were introduced to the island where dodos lived. Nevertheless, the speaker opposes this idea by mentioning that weather patterns are the major contributor to dodo birds' extinction. For example, massive cyclones and typhoons struck the island and created unfavorable weather conditions for dodos, which had a devastating impact on them. Thus, we shouldn't place blame on people for dodos' extinction.

In summary, each point made in the reading to explain how people led to dodo birds' extinction is effectively countered by the listening. (258 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7.文章批改

The reading primarily outlines three ways that humans contributed and accerlated accelerated the extinction of dodo birds. However, the listening challenges what is stated in the reading passage by presenting three compelling counterarguments to undermine their validity.

Firstly, the reading claims that dodo birds are were hunted by sailors since they are were innately trusting and fearless of people. Conversely, the speaker refutes this point by stating that surviving journals and documents indicate that people found dodo birds too tough to eat. eat (changed "are" to "were" for consistency in tense). So it's impossible for hunters to consume animals that were widely considered unpleasant. unpleasant (rephrased for clarity).

Secondly, the reading asserts that deforestation destroy habitates destroyed habitats of dodo birds and decreased resources they rely relied on, hence dodo compete dodos competed for food, consequently leading to their extinction. extinction (corrected grammar and word choice). In contrast, the speaker maintains an opposite opinion, arguing that dodo birds were not affected by such human activity. That is, they don't didn't have known predators, predators; thus, they build built nests on the ground. ground (changed "don't" to "didn't" for consistency in tense). As a result, deforestation has minial had minimal effect on their reproduction and habitat resources. resources (corrected spelling).

Finally, the reading posits that new disease was diseases were introduced to the island where dodo lived. dodos lived (changed "disease" to "diseases" for plural agreement). Nevertheless, the speaker opposes this idea by mentioning that weather patterns is are the major contributor to dodo birds' extinction. For example, massive cyclons in cyclones and typhoons strike struck the island and creates created unfavorable weather conditions for dodo, dodos (corrected spelling), which have had a davastating devastating impact on them. them (corrected spelling). Thus, we shouldn't place the blame on people for dodo's extinction. dodos' extinction (rephrased for clarity).

In summary, each point made in the reading to explain how people led to dodo birds' extinction is effectively countered by the listening.

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8. Mind Map

Essay Structure

1. Introduction

   • Reading: humans contributed to dodo extinction
   • Listening: counterarguments

2. Hunting by sailors

   • Reading: dodos hunted due to trust and fearlessness
   • Listening: dodos too tough to eat, not hunted for food

3. Deforestation and habitat destruction

   • Reading: deforestation led to competition for resources, extinction
   • Listening: no known predators, ground nests unaffected by deforestation

4. Introduction of new diseases

   • Reading: diseases brought by humans caused extinction
   • Listening: weather patterns (cyclones, typhoons) major contributor to extinction

5. Conclusion

   • Summary of counterarguments from listening

Lecture Points

1. Dodo birds too tough to eat

2. Surviving journals and documents

3. Dodo birds unaffected by deforestation

4. No known predators for dodos

5. Ground nests minimally affected by deforestation

6. Weather patterns as a major contributor

7. Cyclones and typhoons impacting dodo habitat

8. Unfavorable weather conditions for dodos

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9. Keywords