TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they respond to the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯性和衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章在回应阅读材料中的观点方面做得不错。但是，你需要更加详细地解释听力材料中的论点以及它们如何反驳阅读材料。此外，你可以尝试使用更多的同义词和短语来避免重复。

改进建议示例1： 原文：The only way to successful is that they need have defensive walls inside the city, but the governmental army can destroy their defensive wall. 修改后：The only chance for the rebels to succeed was if they had defensive walls within their cities, but Sargon's army had already destroyed these walls when they initially conquered the city-states.

改进建议示例2： 原文：However, the agricultural technology about irrigational system plays an important role on maintaining planets alive, because this system could transport water to long distances and store water for long time. 修改后：However, the Akkadians possessed advanced agricultural technology, such as irrigation systems that allowed them to transport water over long distances and store it for extended periods, ensuring their crops would survive even during times of drought.

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构基本上是清晰的，但可以在段落之间加入更明确的过渡句子，使文章更连贯。同时，在引入听力论点时，可以使用更多的连接词，以帮助读者更好地理解文章的逻辑。

改进建议示例1： 原文：Firstly, it is important to consider that it was not possible that rebels can resist the imperial central governments. 修改后：Firstly, the lecture argues against the idea that rebellions of the conquered city-states could have led to the empire's collapse by pointing out that it was not possible for the rebels to resist the imperial central government.

改进建议示例2： 原文：Thirdly, the Akkadian Empire was able to contact new trade partners from the east and west... 修改后：Lastly, in response to the claim about trade disruptions causing the empire's downfall, the lecture highlights that the Akkadian Empire was capable of establishing new trade partnerships in both east and west directions...

5. 语法批改

Firstly, it is important to consider that it was not possible that rebels can resist the imperial central governments. The only way to successful is that they need haveneed to have(Use 'to' before the base form of a verb) defensive walls inside the city, but the governmental army can destroy their defensive wall. So, rebellions would have been easily defeated. This directly refutes that reading passage which states that rebellions of the conquered city-states were able to break up the empire.

Secondly, the lecture addresses the concern that the bad weather can cause food supply issues. However, the agricultural technology about irrigationalirrigation(misspelling) system plays an important role on maintaining planets alive, because this system could transport water to long distances and store water for long time. Therefore, this food supply cannot be an issue. Again, this contradicts what is stated in the readingreading,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which stated that the serious problem with food supply brought down the whole empire.

Thirdly, the Akkadian Empire was able to contact new trade partners from the east and west, so if other trade partners resisted this trade style and led to lose some benefits, new traders could make up these lost trading resources. This challenges the theory stated in the reading that resistance from their trade partners will cause enough damage to Akkadian Empire economy, leading to the empire’s downfall.

6.文章修订

The lecture presents a counterargument to the three explanations proposed in the reading passage regarding the collapse of the Akkadian Empire. Firstly, the lecture contends that rebellions of the conquered city-states could not have led to the empire's disintegration due to their inability to resist the imperial central government effectively. The reading passage suggests that these rebellions could have weakened and eventually broken up the empire. However, as mentioned in the lecture, Sargon's army had already destroyed the defensive walls of these city-states when they were initially conquered. Consequently, without any protective barriers, it would have been nearly impossible for rebels to mount a successful resistance against Sargon's powerful forces.

Secondly, concerning food supply issues caused by unfavorable weather conditions, the lecture disputes their potential impact on the empire's downfall. The reading passage posits that an extended period of insufficient rainfall in the northern region could have disrupted food supplies and led to the collapse of the entire empire. Nevertheless, according to the lecture, advanced agricultural technology employed by Akkadians would have allowed them to withstand such adverse conditions. They utilized sophisticated irrigation systems capable of transporting water over long distances and storing it for extended periods. These techniques would have ensured a functioning food supply chain even during times of drought.

Lastly, addressing trade disruptions as a possible cause for the empire's decline, as suggested in the reading passage, the lecture emphasizes that Akkadians were adept at establishing new trade partnerships when faced with resistance from existing partners. The reading passage claims that aggressive trade practices by Akkadians led some trading partners to rise against them and potentially damage their economy significantly enough to cause their downfall. However, as mentioned in the lecture, Akkadians continuously sought out new trading partners across vast geographical areas – from India in eastward direction to Mediterranean regions westward – which allowed them access to alternative resources compensating for any losses incurred due to resistance from existing partners.

In light of the lecture's counterarguments, it becomes evident that the reasons proposed in the reading passage for the collapse of the Akkadian Empire are not entirely convincing. The lecture effectively refutes each explanation by presenting alternative perspectives and evidence, demonstrating that rebellions, food supply issues, and trade disruptions may not have been as detrimental to the empire's stability as initially suggested.

Essay statistics: {"words": 317, "unique_words": 179} (393 words)

7.文章批改

The lecture presents a counterargument to the three explanations proposed in the reading passage regarding the collapse of the Akkadian Empire. (This sentence provides a clear introduction to the essay, stating that the lecture offers counterarguments to the reading passage's explanations.) Firstly, it is important to consider that it was the lecture contends that rebellions of the conquered city-states could not possible that rebels can have led to the empire's disintegration due to their inability to resist the imperial central governments. government effectively. (The only way to successful is that they need have phrase "due to their inability" clarifies why rebellions could not lead to disintegration.) The reading passage suggests that these rebellions could have weakened and eventually broken up the empire. However, as mentioned in the lecture, Sargon's army had already destroyed the defensive walls inside the city, but the governmental army can destroy their defensive wall. So, rebellions of these city-states when they were initially conquered. (Using "as mentioned in the lecture" helps emphasize that this information comes from listening material.) Consequently, without any protective barriers, it would have been easily defeated. This directly refutes that reading passage which states that rebellions of the conquered city-states were able to break up the empire. nearly impossible for rebels to mount a successful resistance against Sargon's powerful forces.

Secondly, the lecture addresses the concern that the bad weather can cause concerning food supply issues. However, the agricultural technology about irrigational system plays an important role on maintaining planets alive, because this system could transport water to long distances and store water for long time. Therefore, this food supply cannot be an issue. Again, this contradicts what is stated in the reading which stated that the serious problem issues caused by unfavorable weather conditions, (This phrase introduces a new point by connecting it with food supply brought down the whole issues)the lecture disputes their potential impact on the empire's downfall. The reading passage posits that an extended period of insufficient rainfall in the northern region could have disrupted food supplies and led to the collapse of the entire empire. Nevertheless, according to the lecture, advanced agricultural technology employed by Akkadians would have allowed them to withstand such adverse conditions. (Using "according to" emphasizes that this information is from listening material) They utilized sophisticated irrigation systems capable of transporting water over long distances and storing it for extended periods. These techniques would have ensured a functioning food supply chain even during times of drought.

Thirdly, Lastly, addressing trade disruptions as a possible cause for the empire's decline,(This phrase introduces a new point by connecting it with trade disruptions) as suggested in the reading passage, the lecture emphasizes that Akkadians were adept at establishing new trade partnerships when faced with resistance from existing partners. The reading passage claims that aggressive trade practices by Akkadians led some trading partners to rise against them and potentially damage their economy significantly enough to cause their downfall. However, as mentioned in the lecture, Akkadians continuously sought out new trading partners across vast geographical areas – from India in eastward direction to Mediterranean regions westward – which allowed them access to alternative resources compensating for any losses incurred due to resistance from existing partners. (This sentence provides specific examples of new trading partners and emphasizes the geographical range of Akkadian trade.)

In light of the lecture's counterarguments, it becomes evident that the reasons proposed in the reading passage for the collapse of the Akkadian Empire are not entirely convincing. (This sentence summarizes the main idea of the essay.) The lecture effectively refutes each explanation by presenting alternative perspectives and evidence, demonstrating that rebellions, food supply issues, and trade disruptions may not have been as detrimental to the empire's stability as initially suggested. (This sentence concludes by restating how each point was able to contact new trade partners from the east and west, so if other trade partners resisted this trade style and led to lose some benefits, new traders could make up these lost trading resources. This challenges the theory stated in the reading that resistance from their trade partners will cause enough damage to Akkadian Empire economy, leading to the empire’s downfall.refuted by the lecture.)

8.思维导图

I. Introduction
   A. Counterargument to reading passage
II. Rebellions
   A. Inability to resist imperial central government
   B. Destruction of defensive walls
III. Food supply issues
   A. Unfavorable weather conditions
   B. Advanced agricultural technology
       1. Irrigation systems
       2. Water storage capabilities
IV. Trade disruptions
   A. Resistance from existing partners
   B. Establishing new trade partnerships
       1. Geographical range (India, Mediterranean)
V. Conclusion
   A. Ineffectiveness of reading passage's explanations 

9.关键词